His Second Life
by Tsutsuhyakari
Summary: Shan Fu had died many, many years ago. Xu Shu happened to be born on that day. He threw away everything from his past and tries to live his life anew. But his demons from his past route deeper and the angels in his future fly farther away than death. A certain angel that appears will come and go a little too quickly for him.
1. Prologue: The Death of Shan Fu

" _Shan Fu!"_

 _My mother had called out to me, causing me to rise up from playing with my sword. She waved to me from our house porch and I ran over, happily, to her. She had an unwavering smile, and even more so will. She raised me on her own, financially, physically, and emotionally. She struggles due to the work she has to do and the markets aren't easy to sell goods, specially with so many successful shops around, but she tries her best and never stops smiling._

 _'That's my mother' I found myself thinking that so many times, throughout the years._

 _Throughout everything my mother stood taller and stronger than anything, As I grew, the more she worked and the more I tried to support her. Even when I was asked to help take revenge on someone. I was offered so much money for a simple job that I had to try._

 _'For my mother.' I thought, 'For my mother!'_

 _Back then, I didn't realize what it had meant to take a life. The consequences, the guilt, the misery, the pain, all that came with crime was blinded by my devotion to my mother. But the day I was caught and carried on a carriage. The day the officers tried to have me identified, I saw my mother again._

 _She was old and gray, wrinkles from past smiles staining her pale face. But for the first time, on that day, I saw her weep. My mother wept as she saw me be arrested and paraded around for identification. She wept when she found out that I had killed a man, for money. She wept not for herself, not even for my arresting, but for my actions. My blindness and willingness to do anything caused me to take a man's life, a man I didn't even know._

 _When I was finally freed by my friends, I went back to my mother and asked why she didn't identify me. When I asked, she looked at me with eyes of pain and said-_

 _"I couldn't identify you, for you were not the son I once had known. And now you will never be."_

 _My mother still loved me, I know this. But my mother couldn't accept what I had done. I couldn't accept what I had done. That was the last time I saw my mother, the very next morning I left her, So she wouldn't have to have suffered living with a man she didn't know._

 _With a_ _ **murderer**_ _she didn't know._


	2. A Game with the Dragon

Silence. That's all I hear in this forest. The green of the grass and leaves, the blue of the sky and the white of the clouds. Everything blends so perfectly together. I walk along in this harmonious nature aesthetic. My hood is pulled over my head, hiding my eyes from meeting any life other than nature itself. I hold a bag in one hand and a fiddle with my hood in the other.

I'm on my way to see The Sleeping Dragon, Zhuge Liang. He is a good friend of mine and he has helped me through a lot. And I occasionally visit him and his wife, Yue Ying. He lives in a secluded home deep in the mountain terrain of Xinye. It's quite an easy place to come to, if the traveler is perceptive.

Reaching the gates, I place my hand on the wall and gently attempt to push it open. It seems too stable to open today. Maybe he isn't feeling well. I knock softly hoping that he or his wife is nearby to allow me in.

"Zhuge Liang? Yue Ying? It's me. Xu Shu. I came for a visit."

More silence. Maybe they're not home? Or not accepting visitors at least. I rub my chin, having my fingers brush against the stubble on my chin. Then a low rumble, seemingly from nowhere. I look at see dust forming below me. I quickly jump away in a slight panic, having only to look up as the gate slowly but loudly opens.

On the other side, sat a pale woman, wearing a traditional white and black robe with green accents. Numerous Yin and Yang patterns scattered upon the robe and on in her light chestnut colored hair. She held a nice smile and waved to me kindly, then making a motion for me to lower my hood.

I do so, reluctantly. "Ah, Yue Ying. I'm guessing your husband is here."

"Of course. I always stay by his side after all. Come. He was expecting you." She spoke to me casually but full of wonder and admiration for her lover.

She turned and allowed me to come inside and I followed, watching her fiddle with a contraption that shut the gate again. I wince from how loud it is.

"You said he was expecting me. What does that mean?"

She giggles a little and looks back up to me. "It means what it means. I can tell," she begins to walk, leading me to my friend, "He spoke up this morning, telling me that you will be arriving."

I can't help but muster a chuckle. Zhuge Liang has always seemed omnipotent. Without a single letter or call he new of my arriving to Xinye and even coming to see him.

"Kongming has always been so bright." I say casually, calling my friend by his courtesy name. "I don't even remember the last time I had wrote to him.

Yue Ying looks up to the sky, peeking through the trees leaves, "Yes he has." She trails off, lost in admiration of her husband.

I can't help but smile. They have such a lovely marriage. One of mutual respect and admiration. Zhuge Liang pursued after Yue Ying, not even considering her beauty, but more for her charm and discipline. Their love is true, mutual, and very uncommon. But it's a love I aspire to have.

We reached a large temple-like home that doubles as a main camp. From first glance no one can really tell that this was a home, people usually think there would be an army behind its doors. But we know better. Upon walking up to the main door yue ying opens it and allows me to enter.

Inside is a grass plain with a training area. I see Juggernauts and cannons set up as if they may go to battle at any moment. I go to ask Yue Ying about it, but she walks past me to a back area, where there is another door leading into their actual home.

I hear a small bit of noise but it quickly dried out when I see a man donning on a matching black and white robe to Yue Ying. He carried a large fan, with white and green feathers. He walks to my direction as I walk to him as well. We stop once we reach other and we're face to face, Yue Ying stepping over to his side.

"Kongming." I say with a small smile.

"Yuanzhi. I'm glad you visited like I foretold." He replies, gently swaying the fan in his hands.

"I can tell , your wife so graciously told me so. " I was thinking about asking him how he knew I would be here, but I simple ended that with a realization that this _**is Zhuge Liang.**_ So I've just grown to accept it.

I lift up the bag I brought with me and smile even harder at him.

"Would you like a drink with me?" I offer.

"That sounds nice."

When we entered the house, Yue Ying had took the bottle of Baijiu and went to get us cups. Meanwhile, Liang and I sit on either sides of a small table. But it seems to have a Xiangqi on the table. I look at the well-known game and back up to my friend, to see him smiling (albeit a little mischievously).

"Um, Kongming? Why do you have Xiangqi out?"

His smile widens and he gently waves the fan over his face. Even with this face, his voice is still soothing and calm.

"You see, Yuanzhi. I wished to play another round with you."

Huh?

"But, Kongming. You are aware I'm not exactly skilled at this game?"

He nods slowly, each and every one of his movements seem slow and melodic. He tilts his head in a friendly manner, further widening his smile.

"Last time we played, you did exceptionally well to me."

"But I still lost."

"It is not a matter of winning or losing. It is a matter of understanding."

This is also just like Zhuge Liang. He tends to speak in ways that may be hard for someone of less caliber to understand. At this moment, I feel a vein sense of understanding and fear. But I soon nod and agree to play the game. As we set up our pieces, Yue Ying enters with small bowls of rice and cups of Baijiu. She sits to the side of the table, nodding to her husband before settling in and sipping her liquor. Zhuge Liang didn't even look at the food, eyes still focused on me as I set up my side.

There it was, my pieces were set, the game board was done, and Zhuge Liang already knew he had won. We've played Xiangqi together plenty of times, but none that I've won. I'm aware that my mind isn't of the caliber of my friend, so it never bothered me whenever I lost quickly. This 'exceptionally well' time I played was because I actually took down more than 4 of his pieces. But that's not exactly a feat.

Without a single warning he had moved a Foot Soldier forward. I looked at the single piece cautiously. I settled with moving my Cannon piece forward. Another Foot Soldier step. Is this a trap? Is he trying to sacrifice the foot soldier?

I move my Horse piece to the right. He moves his Cannon to the left, and nonchalantly drinks the Baijiu. Yue Ying looks up to her husband and eats some rice casually. Too casually.

She must know his plan. But what could it be? I move the Horse diagonally right. His Chariot moves left, as if chasing my Horse now. Is he trying to capture it? I can sacrifice a Foot Soldier to hinder the chase. I have a Foot Soldier step forward, but that soldier fails his job due to in a couple of moves he was taken by a Horse of Kongming's.

As the game continued, I have only take the Foot Soldier of his initial strike, but he has taken a Foot Soldier, a Horse, and a Cannon. I was quickly running out of options. He had another Foot Soldier ,Chariot, a Canon, and a Horse on my side of the 'river' and drawing closer to the fortress of my Counselor and General. My Minister takes a diagonal step, attempting to slow the rush. But in only a couple of moves, it was gone. His Horse and Chariot surrounds my fortress, and I know there's nothing I can do.

"Stalemate." He bluntly states.

A sigh escapes my lips, after the rush of suspicions and brain power, all-in-all I lost. Kongming smiles in a friendly way and nods to me as I bow to him.

"That game was rather interesting," Yue Ying claims "For a moment there I thought both of your strategies would clash and end with a draw."

"Thank you for the flattering Ying." I didn't mean it in a negative way, but it feels as if I had lost from the very first move.

"Yuanzhi," We both face Liang and he places down an empty rice bowl. He gently places his beloved fan on the ground beside him, only for Ying to pick it up herself. He reaches over and grabs the Chariot piece and holds it out to me.

"Take this piece."

"Huh, you wish for me to have this Chariot?"

He simply nods in reply, and places it in my hands. Slowly, his hand slides away, leaving the small piece.

"This piece, alone, will help guide you on your newest journeys. I pray that it will assist you in finding yourself and your path."

I may didn't fully understand why, but I accepted the piece. I trusted Kongming and I knew he wouldn't steer me wrong. If this piece is to help me on my journey, then so be it. I may not understand now, but I soon will.

After eating and enjoying a conversation, I took my leave, Yue Ying had seen me out and Zhuge Liang had given me some food, for survival. He told me how to find the closest village and to talk to an associate of his for housing. I have to find a man of the name Pang Tong and it seems like he will be willing to help me. It's a relief.

I wave them goodbye and walks away from the now closing gate. I hadn't realized it became night during my time there. The howling of wolves and the cold breeze against me had made me realized how beautiful the Xinye nights are. I lift my hood up and step again in the silence of the forest.

 _ **A\N Here are some of the foreign concepts and words if you didn't understand what they aren or meant. (I'll try to do this for every chapter):**_

 _ **Baijiu- Sorghum Wine**_

 _ **Xiangqi- Chinese Chess**_

 _ **Kongming- Zhuge Liang's courtesy name**_

 _ **Yuanzhi- Xu Shu's courtesy name**_

 _ **Xinye- Where they lived before meeting Liu Bei**_


	3. A Lazy Landlord

The village was small and quaint. Children ran around and played with parents watching from afar. Markets ran smoothly, with no hint of trouble in sight. A child pushes by me in a goofy way and waves back with an 'I'm sorry'. I simply wave back, smiling from the refreshing air of this village. It's peaceful and calm.

I look over to see a man banging on a scalding piece of metal.

A blacksmith. Perfect.

I walk over and quietly tap his shoulder. He looks up, with his tan skin and large beard he also seemed to have a scar over his cheek. At first he seemed violent, turning at me with mean glare.

"Whaddya want?"

I tilt my head and rummage through my large coat for a minute, pulling out my broken Sword and Hook. His eyes seem to gleam upon seeing the broken sword and the worn out ribbon.

"I would like to have my weapon fixed. It broke it in a battle yesterday. Is there a way to fix i-"

The weapon is swiped from my hands and lifted into the sunlight to glisten in honor. The man studied it, from the inscriptions on the sword to the ribbon's fabric and the hooks very material. I have never seen anyone take such an interest in my weapon before.

"What craftsmanship! The inscriptions on the sword are so small but seeable, the ribbon itself is made of strong fabric! Made to pull a cow! Even the little blade of the hook has been detailed!"

"Um….Thank you?"

Then the seemingly glorified moment ended when he saw the damage. Half of the sword was snapped off. He went silent, as if absorbing the information.

"...What did you do?"

"Huh?"

His voice was like a low rumble, the volcano's about to burst.

"WHAT...did you do?"

I stepped away placing space in between me and him, lifting my hands in a hope to stop his anger.

"Well I was attacked by bandits last night, so I had to defend myself. But one of the bandits had a large sword that sliced through my own. And that's the result."

He turns to me, with a confused face, that quickly switches to anger.

"Did you take them down?"

I didn't know how to react, but I decided on a simple nod. His face changed drastically to a large grin. A haughty laugh and next I was off the ground, being spun and carried into the air and quickly placed back down. My hood fell off my head and I dusted off my coat.

"So...Can you fix it please?"

"No problem! A beauty like this doesn't deserve such a short life span!" He leans over and pats my back, hard. I cough and straighten up.

"First you need to have a newly made sword and a replacement ribbon. The hook just needs to be sharpened and you'll be good to go!" 

"Thank you, Sir. How long will this take?"

He strokes his fluffy beard, and thinks hard. He swings the ribbon gently side to side and then point to me harshly.

"Come back by 7 tonight! I'll have your weapon at least ready for testing!"

"Thank you again si-

"Lu Huang! Save the formalities, you're letting me handle your weapon. It's like your child!"

He wraps an arm around me roughly and lets out another haughty laugh. I smile and nod.

"Xu Shu. Thank you again Lu Huang."

I walked away from Lu Huang's blacksmithing shop both relieved and exhausted. He's truly energetic. I guess he's a true rough man with a gold heart.

Zhuge Liang had told me this Pang Tong man lived in a house secluded from the village and that there's a small path to reach it. Again, it takes a perceptive eye to spot it. I put my hood on my head again and carefully venture out to find the path. I pass plenty of houses and waved to many kids and parents. They all were nice and lively, I felt a little out of place. This is all reminds me of-

I can't think about that-

My search has ended up with nothing so I decided to sit down and eat some the food Kongming gave me. I open the bag and eat a couple of small bites, leaning back and laying on the clear grass. I take deep breaths and soak in the surrounding nature.

This village is surrounded by nature, with no sort of base or anything to protect it from threats, maybe they have warriors or soldiers here? Or maybe that's why Kongming set up his home so close to this village.

I look around a little more and spot a small brown patch of ground. I sit up and look closer to it. I can't really tell from my position.

"What is that?"

I stand up and gather my materials and walk over to it, I use my hand to push through a large group of bushes and find a brown path, surround by trees and more bushes. I..I found the path!

I step through the bush and start walking down the path, carefully. It seems blocked off and hidden by the tall trees and leaves of the bushes. Occasionally, sliding in between overgrown branches I soon reach an open area with a little shack in the center. This must be Pang Tong's home.

I step closer and look around, the blue sky was all but hidden completely by the tall trees, sunlight's rays peeking through each branch, The bushes that surrounds it was well kept, seemingly recently cut. Even the scent of the grass seemed fresh. There's no hint of danger or-

FWOOM!

"Ah!"

….I stand corrected.

Flames had randomly risen from the ground under me, causing me to jump away in a hurried panic. I try to absorb what happened.

"Flames? Here?"

"Well, well what do we have here?"

I look up to a branch and see an older man sitting on the branch wearing a large green robe with a large brown hat over his head. He held a large but thin battle fan and rubbed the wooden material of his hat casually. He yawns and stretches as he looks down at me.

"You're no ordinary bandit. No one should've been able to find my shack." 

"I'm no bandit at all, Master Pang Tong."

His eyes seem to widen at me using his name, he then strokes his chin, pondering. I stand straight and bow to him respectively.

"I am Xu Shu, a friend of Zhuge Liang's. He said I should come to you if I needed a place of residence."

"Ah You're friends with the Sleeping Dragon. Now it makes sense how you found me."

He cracks some bones as he attempts to stand on the branch, after standing completely, he step forward. 

"Master Pang Tong! You're going to-"

"Relax, relax." he waves off my concern and steps of the branch. Wind circulates and comes under him, allowing him to gently float down to the ground. I couldn't believe what I was seeing! 

"Sorcery?" I ask, dumbfoundedly.

Master Pang Tong walks over to me after stretching more with a yawn and taps my chest twice with the back of his hand.

"A little magic never hurt anyone. Now come."

He walks towards his shack, almost as if he is wobbling. I follow him closely behind, in case another flame appears. When we entered the house, it was very rustic looking, with a small cough and a bookshelf in the corner. A wooden table in the center with a fur rug on the floor under it. I kneel and rub the rug and feel its soft fur.

"Now, you needed a place to stay right?"

"Oh. Yes Sir." I stands back up straight and bow again.

I hear him stretched and let out a groan. He laid on his side and uses the battle fan to scratch his back.

"You know it'll cost you."

"I...I don't have any money."

"Well then, you'll have to make some."

I lower my arms and blink in a confused manner. Make the money? How?

"Um.." 

"Before you ask me how," he raises his finger, "I know a way." 

I tilt my head and stare at Master Pang Tong. I try to read his actions, but he moves so leisurely and slowly it's hard to tell. It's like reading Kongming, it can't be done.

"You know, the village has actually a little problem with bandits. Recently, Old Mother Ling had lost a family pendant that was worth quite a bit of money, from being robbed by a bandit. Take care of that, and I'm sure she'll reward you."

I see what he is doing now, my 'rent' is to be paid by the people whenever I help them. And Old Mother Ling will be my first client.

"I see. Where can I find Old Mother Ling?"

"She is the old woman that sells fruit, Got to her and tell her I sent you."

I nod and lift up my hood, and turn to leave the shack.

"Be sure to pick up your weapon from Huang too."

Master Pang Tong really is perceptive and impressive. Or he simply heard Lu Huang's loud reactions.

"Yes, Thank you."

I open the door, hearing the creak and leave the shack. Walking away from the secluded home and trees. Making my way back to the small village, with a new goal. Well, I never expected to have to pay rent, but whatever puts a roof over my head. Plus this village is very nice and calm, it makes me feel warm. I think I will like my new home here.

If only …


	4. More than a Deed

Old Mother Ling was...an interesting woman.

She seems to be a lady brought up on the battlefield, her demeanor is that of a rough and tough pirate and she speaks as if she has a problem with everyone. It's as if Lu Huang has been doubled and became a female. Overall she is a nice woman.

When I had approached her and told her who I was and why I was there. She shook my hand and asked me if I had any fighting experience. I replied with yes, of course. She ended up telling me about how the bandits surrounded her and stole her family pendant because it 'looked like was worth a damn lot'. I asked her did she know of the bandits but ended up with no information to help me, as she only replied with a rage filled rant.

I left her fruit stand a little more confused than I started. It seems as if these bandits came from nowhere, but they must have a base nearby since Master Pang Tong said the whole village had a problem with them. It could be numerous groups? I mean with the village not being surround by a base or weaponry it's easy to infiltrate and cause havoc. That's a possibility. For now I should for emblems or symbols or even leftover items of the bandits to really investigate into this.

I walk down the road of the village and think to myself. If the bandits are nearby they can't be to the west, that's the mountain range and Liang would never let so untrustworthy people near his base and home. So that leaves the north, south, and east. They could be within the village itself, posing as normal citizens until they can benefit from stealing something? No, a bandit wouldn't think so hard about something like that. Most bandit activity is based upon their territory. If so, then where is there territory? Do they even have a territory? This village is small it shouldn't take a large group to steal from here. Plus, why would a large bandit gang be here in the middle of Xinye? This obviously isn't-

"HEY! XU SHU!"

Lu Huang's shouting snapped me awake from my intense pondering and I look at him. He was waving to me and lets out a loud chuckle. I walk over and bow to him.

"Hello again, Lu Huan-" Not again.

His arm is around me and he roughly rubs my head, as if I was a son.

"You seemed in really deep thought! Careful, if you think too much you'll become a statue!"

I chuckle as well, slowly bringing myself away from him. "I'll keep that in mind."

"So what's wrong? Worried about your weapon?"

I shake my head. "No, not at all. I know it is in capable hands. What I was thinking about was the recent bandit issues that Master Pang Tong has told me about."

Lu Huang's face had scrunched up in a disgusted manner. I'm guessing he knows of them.

"Those damn bandits. They have been attacking our village for years. Recently, the leader has been spotted and seems to be plotting against us."

That's one question answered, but it seems like Lu Huang knows them very well.

"I see. Why terrorize this village? It hasn't done anything to them has it?"

He rubs his beard again, thinking to himself silently. A seemingly, he settled on a lazy shrug.

"But they stay in a base a little ways to the east of here. I'm guessing you're going to do something about it."

"Well, yes. That was my intention."

A loud, haughty laugh escaped the large man's throat and he patted my back twice. Ow..

"Can't confront a group of bandits empty-handed now can ya'! Come on! I just finished your new weapon while you were off!"

That was fast, the weapon was snapped cleanly in half. Lu Huang must be very talented. He turned around and went into his shop, I hear some laughter and shouting inside of it and then he came out with a case in one hand and a child in the other. It was a young girl and she had raven black hair and brown eyes, matching her father, but she was much paler. She looked like a toddler, and she had reached to me with a large smile on her face.

"Now, now. Looks like you're popular!" We chuckled a little and I let his child grab my finger for a little while.

He then lifts the case to me and smiles proudly. I take the case and place in on the ground and carefully open it. I slowly lift the top of the box.

The sword was sharp and glistens in the dim sunlight. There was a small inscription on it, with the name of his shop. The hilt was golden and seemed to have been recleaned. I couldn't even tell that the hilt used to be covered in dirt and grime. The ribbon in between the hook and sword looked strong and was a bright red instead of my original white one. This one was also much longer giving me more of a leverage and reach in battle. The stitchwork one the ribbon was very well done. The ribbon was securely attached to the hook, who had a match golden hilt and was sharpened and cleaned. I was shocked by the amazing work, it looked better than it did before.

"I'm guessing I did a great job?"

I slowly reach into the box and take the weapon. Observing it closely and staring at my refection in the blade. My brown eyes widen and how clear I looked and seemed. I look up to Lu Huang who is now bouncing his daughter. I stand up and bow respectively.

"Thank you so much, Lu Huang! I don't know how I could ever repay-"

I felt a hand on my head, and he rubbed my head softly. When he moved it, I looked back up at him. I hear his shop door open and A woman walk out, She was small and had short black hair with a red pin holding her bangs back. She wore a traditional robe and waved to me, nicely. This must be his wife.

Lu Huang's ar, wrapped around his small wife and he leaned in a kissed her forehead, Her eyes sparkling with life at the action. It reminded me of Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying. An eternal love or respect and protection. Of equality and life, a union of love. _True Love._

My thought were interrupted by Lu Huang giving me a thumbs up, with encouragement.

"You can repay me by taking those bandit's down."

His voice then drowned out, and his smile went from friendly to more sincere.

"Help the village, Help our home."

I nod to him and his wife bows to me. I bow back and then turn to walk off. I wrap the ribbon around my hand a couple of times and grasp firmly on the hilt of the sword. I can't fail.  
This is more than about me trying to find a home. This is about protecting a village full of love, sincerity, and care. The men, women, and children of this village care deeply about their small amount of possessions and the families they live with.

I will do all in my power to make sure this village will be safe.


	5. Infiltration and Redemption

"You know this pendant looks like crap after getting another good look at it." 

The silver piece of jewelry dangled in the young man's rough hands and he smacked it around a little with his finger. The man beside put his hand on his hip and let out a rude burp.

"Well at this point everything from that shithole of a village is worth nothing. But whatever gets me a meal in my stomach and a woman in my bed."

"That's true."

They chuckle and he twirls the pendant roughly. I watch them from on top of a tree branch that I had climbed onto.

 _They disgust me._

Treating Old Mother Ling's prized possession like that? It's worse than offensive and then even calling the village a shithole. They obviously aren't exactly the brightest.

I kneel down and watch them closely as they go inside the base and it's door closes. It looks like the bas has been modified into a weird Supply and Treasure base. The dragon statues in the front had bowls in their hands and the they also has bowls with jewels and items that were stolen in them. I looks over and see another opening on the side. If I just walk over there, that won't end well. I have to stay afar for now.

I grab the sword with one hand and twirl the hook side in my other. I launch it as silently as I can and it hooks to another tree. I jump of the branch and try my best to quietly and smoothly glide to the other tree. I slid through the air seamlessly and plant my feet on the branch of the tree. Yanking my hook free, I see the other opening. Currently, the only person there is a bandit who is sleeping.

I take this chance and carefully climb down the tree. Upon touching the ground, I run as quickly as I can inside. Upon passing the door I lean against a wall behind a little structure in the corner of the base. Peeking over the corner, I see a large group of bandits, drinking and partying casually.

I gloss all over the area only to find the original man with the pendant in the corner bluntly flirting with a poor handmaiden.

 _They truly are despicable_.

I move closer and start to plan out my moves. But then I hear the maiden scream. I observe harder to see the man attempting to undress her!

"Let go of me! " Her voice was cracking from her tears.

All I heard was a chuckle. Unconsciously, I ran out and jabbed him roughly in the gut with the hilt of my sword. He let out a rough grunt and cough. I looked up to the woman and nodded to her. Her tearful eyes calmed as she nodded back.

"Hey! Who the HELL are you?!"

I knew I've been spotted. I turn and look at the angry group of bandits who now attempt to surround me. This is not going to end well. At least not how I wanted.

I turn back to the handmaiden and smile at her.

"Please get out of here."

She nods quickly and runs as fast she can. They turn to get her but I twirl my sword and catch it and point it to them.

"Now that I have your attention. I have a request. Return everything you stole from the village and no less. And I'll leave peacefully."

They scoff and smirk at me, taking out their weapons.

" You really think we're scared of you?! You're just one,' The one below me says as he slowly gets up from my blow. "And we're many."

They all laugh and get ready to come at me. Of course this wouldn't go well.

"Fine, but remember that I tried to do this nicely."

I quickly use the hilt of my sword to hit the one below me and take the pendant. He grunts as he falls to the ground again and I charge at the large group. Letting go of the hilt, it flies out but I grab the ribbon in time and whirl it above my head. They all see my obvious tactic and separate. 

_Perfect._

I grab the hook and jump into the air, launching it back to the ground and yanking myself down with it. They spread out even more upon my hard hitting to the ground. The impact of it made a small dust cloud and I look around. I pick out a chest from my clouded vision and bolt to it. I open it and glance through. In the box there were small toys, old jewelry, metals, and even dining wear. These people stole anything that even looked remotely of value, from even children!

"There he is!"

Oh no! I quickly grab the chest and hold it to my side. Like this I can't do that again. I'll have to fight through. I flip the sword in my hands and point it at them again. I see numerous bandits charge at me with their own. I duck under a horizontal slice and trip the wielder. I look up to see another one ready to stab down onto me. Quickly jumping out of the way, I block another slice and kick him in the gut. I start to make my way to the doorway but I am blocked by the guard who was sleeping. Dodging his slices I leap back from his reach. They all surround me, there's no way to move from this position. Swords gleam as I see the end. No, no!

 _Stalemate…_

"What a minute there boys."

Everyone surrounding me lifted their head and turned to the source of the voice. It was a large man, who looked similar to Lu Huang. Same dark skin, same hair color, even same stature.

"Lu...Huang?"

A large haughty laughter similar to Lu Huang's erupted from the man.

"You think I'm that worthless punk? You truly are not the same as all the other villagers."

I stand up straight and adjust my grip on the chest. I stare at him cautiously, as he looks down at me with a toothy grin.

"I'm not Lu Huang, I'm his brother Lu Shan. I take it as you're having some fun with my boys."

I shake my head, making my hood fall off, revealing myself to the bandits.

"I'm here to return the items that 'your boys' had stolen from the innocent villagers."

He laughs again and starts walking over to me. He stop when he reaches right in front of me.

"Those things are ours. And one way or another We're taking something today."

It's monsters like him that causes the chaos that plagues our homes. I clench my fist and stare at him. He leans down and gets close to my face.

"Whaddya gonna do pretty boy?"

His every word was laced with mockery, But I kept my cool. My lack of reaction seemed to anger him cause his grin went to a frown.

"HUH!?" He spat.

I stay silent and tighten my grip on the chest on my side. He glares at me and raises his hand to punch me. As his fist moves towards me I leaned to the left and moves away from him.

"Ho! Gonna run away now! Ya' fairy!" he taunts as he takes out a large sword.

I glare at him as I stand back up from, my jump.

"Boys! Let'im have it!" he points to me and all the bandits start to close in.

I quickly glance around and get in a fighting position. They surround me even closer and start slicing, I do my best to dodge and block every attack, but in the end I had to use the chest as a makeshift shield.

 _I don't want to hurt anyone! I don't want to hurt anyone!_

Bandits continuously charge at me and even when I kick them, hit them with my hilt, or the chest they seemingly multiply. I can't handle this!

Lu Shan charges in a stabbing motion and I hold up the chest to protect myself, but his sword break through it. His sword was stuck and I took advantage of this. I yank the chest away and kick him down.

From there, my body moved on it's own. I had released a flurry of attacks, with the hilt or my feet. Relentlessly I kept kicking him until I sweeped him and stomped on his chest. I lifted my sword and pointed it down to Lu Shan.

"W-w-wait! I-I'm Sorry! W-we'll stop! Please!" he begged.

 _Disgusting…_

I lifted my sword higher. 

"Please!" he pleaded.

 _Vile.._

"I'm begging ya'! I promise we'll stop!" he bargained 

_Evil._

I pulled my arm down…

"AHH!"

 _Not again._

I froze.

My eyes widen, My mouth hangs open, and tears start to form.

 _No….Not again._

I've seen this face before, a face of begging, pleading. The face of complete and utter fear. The fear of your life. Fearing that it may be the end, of not only your life, but you're world. I know of this face, I know of this event.

 _I have_ _ **induced**_ _this fear._

My recollections were interrupted by an explosion. I look over to see flames rising in the base and bandits panicking. I look up to see Master Pang Tong standing on his battle fan as he comes ever-so-leisurely.

"Nice job Xu Shu. You stopped the bandits and even made them promise to stop their raiding," He looks at Lu shan with intimidating eyes, "Right?"

He takes the chest from my hands and flies close to me. I step off of Lu Shan and walk over to Master Pang Tong and bow.

"Y-yes thank you."

"Now now, Let's get back to the people. They are anxious to hear of the results."

"Y-yes Master Pang Tong."

We left there as quickly as he had came. I didn't look back, I didn't want to look back. I look at my hands as it is naturally trembling. I wanted to move on past what I was.

 _Maybe I shouldn't live in this village._

Upon returning The villagers had gathered in the center and were cheering. Master Pang tong and placed down the chest and everyone ran to it and collected their possessions. I returned Old Mother Ling's pendant to her and she gave me a large bear hug. I walk back to Lu Huang's shop to see him and his daughter playing with a ripped doll of hers.

 _It must have been the thing Lu Shan stabbed._

I kneel to the small girl as she smiled at me.

"I'm sorry about the doll."

She gave me a big smile and poked my nose while making a 'boop' sound. I chuckle and repeat her actions to her.

"So Xu Shu, You're staying right?"

I look up to Lu Huang to see him and his wife happily smiling above me.

"We have an extra room in the house if you don't mind."

I was confused, I just had attacked his brother, and he knew that. But Lu Huang is-

"Come on now, don't give me that face! You can be read like a book with a face like that!"

He lets out another cheerful laugh and walks over to me. He pats my shoulder, with a more gentle touch and he gives me a sincere smile.

"It's not your fault. You did what you had to do. I asked you to."

I stood there...In shock. Lu Huang was truly the rough man with a heart of gold. He smiles to me and gives me another thumbs up and I nod and smile back.

"I hope you will take him up on his offer."

Master Pang tong comes over and rubs his hat, leisurely. He chuckles and pats my back.

"After all this one's free."

I look back to Lu Huang and his family. Then look around to the people of the village. This village is full of love and peace even in this age of chaos.

"I hope you don't mind me staying with you" I accepted.

 _I want to protect this peace._


	6. Distant Hues

Months had passed before I could even fathom what was happening. The villagers had accepted me and treated me like one of their own quickly, and I deeply appreciate it. They gave up food,clothes, and even gave me some gold to do what I needed and wanted. They were all so kind.

I wake up to Lu Mei, laying beside me on the couch. Her small frail body has grown from the months, and she is quickly becoming a smart and talented young girl. I sit up, not trying to awake the small child.

"Roar!" she yells and wraps herself around me. It jump a little and chuckle her cute actions. I then wrap my arms around her and blow into her cheek, causing her to giggle uncontrollably.

I carry her as I stand up. Wearing my loose black pants and my white long sleeve shirt that Jiang Ping, her mother, had made for me. I can hear the banging of metals in their cellar. Lu Huang must be at work.

I carry Lu Mei until we reach the kitchen. I place Mei down in her high chair and go to get some food for us.

"Your mama is asleep so I'll have to feed you."

"OK!"

Mei giggles and waves to me from her high chair. As I walk back over to her with bits of meat,feeding her slowly. She bounces in her seat and giggles. She takes a piece from my hand and put it over her teeth and smirks.

I chuckle and boop her nose playfully.

"Oh no!"

I feel arms wrap around me and lift me off of the ground. W-what?!

"Looks like Xu Shu is winning over my little girl!"

I look down to see Lu Huang lifting me off the ground. He laughs and twirls me around and Mei laughs along. I kick and squirm in the large man's arms.

He puts me down and runs my head proudly with another laugh.

"Daddy!"

Huang's attention quickly turn to Mei and he walks over and stays playing with her.

I chuckle and leave the room to allow the duo some needed time together. I walk over to the Old Mother Ling' s market and wave to her.

"Oh Shu! Good to see ya'!"

I walk over to the fruit stand and bow to Ling.

"Good morning Ling. How are the fruits today?"

"Ripe,Fresh, and not a single bruise!"

She laughs proudly and puts her arms on her waist. I look down at her arrangement today, observing the large soiree of bright colored fruit. Red apples, yellow bananas, and even ripe cherries. I buy a few items and leave to go to Master Pang Tong's shack.

I follow the hidden brown patch carefully in my casual villager clothes. Having left my green robe at the Lu house. I eat a cherry leisurely as i walk, allowing the sweet taste to roam in my mouth.

I brush past some overgrown bushes and find Master Pang Tong cutting the bushes down. He is laying on his floating battle fan and using wind sorcery to cut the bushes with precision.

I walk over and bow to him.

"Master Pang Tong I'm here. I heard you wanted to speak to me?"

"Ah yes. I have something very important to tell you."

My head tilts as I watch Pang Tong jump up from on his fan and grab it from the air. He cracks some bones as he stretches and rubs his hat.

"You see, I have actually been called for some very important imperial court things. The Emperor has requested my audience along with Zhuge Liang's. Perhaps to do something about the growth of the Yellow Turbans."

Ah,yes. The Yellow Turban Rebellion. A large group of people who proclaim that they are advocates of the heavens even though all they do is spread destruction. They started towards Xinye and even have taken down some villages recently from what I have heard from Master Pang Tong.

"So I will be leaving the village tonight. In order to help try to suppress these rebels. I want you to watch the village while I am gone."

"Of course."

"Good. I have faith in you and so do the villagers. "

He pats my shoulder as I bow to him again. I nod as he walks back to the bushes and leans back, as air cumulative under him, he floated ever so gently.

I took my leave and return back to the village and began doing my daily 'errands". Helping Ki Zhuge with his cooking, peeling potatoes for Lady Kuan, babysitting the children, I find no problem in helping the people in these meagre ways. Whatever keeps this village happy…

Pang Tong's leaving was pretty tearful. Children hugged him and begged him to stay and many of the seniors wept and prayed for a safe return. I simply thanked him for everything and bowed. Master Pang Tong and I have a very leisurely relationship and I hope that he has a fulfilling journey. As he climbed onto a horse and rode away, the villagers and I were left just waving at his back.

I pray that he comes back….

Time passes here so seamlessly. The people grow and change slower than a butterfly. Mei is now almost 2 years old and I'm referred to as ShuShu Shu or Shu Shu.

I'm actually really fond of the nickname. It makes us feel even closer as a family. And I haven't experienced such a feeling in a very long time. Mei seems to be growing nicely and Lu Huang looks like a proud father.

This new morning I start to pack up for a small hunting trip. I wanted to get some meat for a roast that the villagers said they wanted to try. I had offered to go hunting for the meat. It was going to be a long while before I came back so I gave Mei a kiss on the head and thanked Huang and Ping for the supplies. I put back on my green robe and lift the hood. Huang pats my back.

"Such a nostalgic look."

I chuckles and nod. It's been awhile that I even have thought about leaving the village. But At most I would only be gone for a couple of hours. Maybe even until nightfall.

"I'll be safe and I'll be back."

Huang nods as I turn to leave the house.

"Wait Shu!"

I turn back to see Ping run over to me as she lifts something and I Immediately recognize it.

"My chariot piece?" 

Ping nods proudly. The game piece had a hole through the top and a thin chin in it, making it a necklace. Ping gently dangles it in my face and makes a motion for me to hold out my hand. I do so and she places the makeshift jewelry in my hand. I observe it harder and can't help but smile.

"I thought you would like to not be able to drop it anymore. Please cherish it."

I lower my hood and put it on and look down at the wooden piece with a metal chain. It fills me with happiness just by looking at it.

"Thank you Ping. This means a lot."

She smiles nicely and pull back her short hair. I see strong arms wrap around her playfully and rub her belly. Lu huang chuckles as he leans a head on her shoulder.

"What's this?! First my daughter and now my wife!? You got some nerve buster!"

I chuckle at his playfulness. I swear he could brighten up any day. I look over to see little Mei standing there with her arms behind her back. She's looking down with a pout as she kicks an invisible rock. I kneel to her with a smile and she glances up to me. I hold open my arms for a hug, causing her to show me her legendary smile. She holds her arms up to me and as I lean in for a hug she pushes my cheeks together and kisses my nose.

"Hurry back ShuShu!"

It always catches me off guard how loving this family is. Even the entire village, but that also fills me with gratitude.

I say my final goodbyes and leave the village, entering the forest.

More time had passed, just like the months. And I was left with a small bag of wolf meat. It wasn't grand but I'm sure this could feed quite a bit of people. Maybe if I give my ration to the kids instead? Then maybe-

"Go! Believers! The heavens shall rain down their judgement!"

I look over to see a man in a large yellow robe and a group of smaller bandits, also wearing yellow. My eyes widened as I quickly piece it all together.

 _The Yellow Turbans!_

I hid behind a bush as I hear the men run off. I watch the leader as he lifts his shaman rod to the sky. Wind circulates under him and he starts to fly. They even have sorcery on their side.

I look around for his lackeys but they were nowhere to be seen. Wait if the Yellow Turbans are here…

 _The village..!_

I dropped the bag of wolf meat and dash as fast as I can back to the village.

 _This can't be happening…_

I run uncontrollably, my vision blurring from the wind in my eyes. I leap over bushes and slide under branches in my way. The world was nothing but a green blur.

 _Please...no…_

I keep running, as my heart races and drops at the same time. I feel my lungs compress as they struggle to keep up with me. It doesn't matter, I gotta keep going! My feet are arching, my breath in ragged, and I can barely even see past the wind and tears forming in my eyes. A few more paces as I'll be-

Snap!

"Huh?"

I saw a flash of light, that quickly turned red and yellow. No sound erupted but I couldn't move. My vision went blank and I could only see darkness.

 _The village..._


	7. A Yellow Spark of Wrath

"Go my believers! These villagers will know! The wrath and the fury of the heavens!"

I ached all over, My eyelids felt heavy, but I forced them up. My eyes move around without forcing my body. I see the dark night sky, and the grass under me. I force my aching hands to clench and grass had accumulated in my palms. I struggle to sit up, as I take slow breaths and movements. I start to lift myself up, arms trembling from my weight. A sharp pain from my side stabbed into me and I fell back onto the ground, groaning.

I take my hand and place it on the area. Why..am I wet?

I look down at my hand and see my palm covered in blood. My eyes widened in shock as I look around carefully, falling onto my back. I see a silver snapped wire on the ground, connecting to a juggernaut off in the distance. I see..

I was burned by the juggernaut while I was running. And the burn wound went so deep it cause my skin to peel.

I look around more and breathe in, coughing as the dark air entered my lungs. My cough was strong enough to induce blood out of my mouth and I use my hands to wipe it off. I groan in pain as I look at my surroundings even more.

I see….fire? FIRE!?

I force myself up, holding my bleeding side and groaning against the strain and pain. My feet wobbling as I turn and lean on a tree in the direction of the fire.

It's….the village. The loving village I was once in, engulfed by fire. Sparks flying up and dissipating into the night sky.

 _This...cannot be happening…_

I wept, as I observed the burning scenery. I push myself off the tree, holding my side and slowly begin to walk in the direction of my burning home.

 _There has to be survivors! There must be!_

My aching feet turned from slow limping, to struggling strides, to painful jogging. I couldn't run as fast as I wanted and almost tripped plenty of times, but I kept going. I coughed and spat out blood whenever I needed, but I kept moving.

I finally reached the village, as I look at the rising flames. I reach to my blade and hold my weapon in my right hand, with my left securing my side wound. I jog into the village, doing my best to avoid the cursed flames.

All I saw in the streets were, corpses and flames. This once bustling street with markets and playing children, now empty and void of any living life.

 _There has to be life. There has to be._

I trot through the streets trying to avoid the flames as best as I can with so much pain building. My panting becomes ragged and I look around helplessly.

"D-Daddy...Mommy.."

A voice! I quickly jog my way to its feeble sound. I come to find the building which I know is Lu Huang's home. I look inside and see raging flames, but underneath it all I heard sobs and whimpers.

"M-mei?" I call out.

I hear a small gasp and she goes silent, as if still.

"M-mei. It's me. It's ShuShu."

The weeping started again, this time being louder. I hear movement inside the burning building.

"Mei! Don't move I'm coming to get you!" I call out to her.

The sounds paused again becoming still. I walk closer to the door and lift my leg weakly. Using every ounce of strength I could muster, I kick the down in. It falls violently, erupting a large thud, and I hear Mei gasp. I walk inside, putting my arm with my sword above my head.

"Mei! Mei! Where are you?!"

"ShuShu!"

I heard quick footsteps and I look down the hall to see her small body running to me. I kneel down, opening my arms to greet her, tears welling in my eyes. When she reached me she hugged me with such fierceness. It hurt when she pressed her arm against my wound and I groaned with pain. She quickly moves away and looks at my blood on her arm. Her eyes had widened and she looks up at me with eyes of fear.

"ShuShu...you're.."

I don't reply, but I lean in and forcefully embrace her.

 _She's alive...Mei's alive…_

Tears fell down my cheeks as I held the small girl in the burning house. I then adjust my grip on her and stand up, carrying her in my arms. She looks at me with concern.

"Mei, is Huang and Ping alright? Are they ok?"

She stayed silent as she hung her head. No...This couldn't be…

 _They're dead too…_

Mei leans on my shoulder and begins to cry harder. Her small body leans against my own and she grips my shoulder. I take my free, bloody hand and pet her gently. As I turn and walk out of the house.

I again limped throughout the streets and looked for any other survivors. MEi didn't move her head from my shoulder and we sat in heavy, agonizing silence.

"Mei... do you think...anybody made it?" my voice trembled with each syllable.

She didn't respond, but she shook her head. I look away and hold her closer.

"I...I see."

Her grip on my shoulder tighten as her sobs increased volume.

 _She needs to get away from here._

I quickly turned and jogged out of area, leaving behind the destruction and painful thoughts. It was just Mei and I now.

Once we left the burning remnants of our home I leaned against a tree and sat with Mei on my lap. I looked down at her and she looked up at me with red, puffy,tearful eyes. She looks down my wound and touches it, causing me to wince. She draws back her hand, panicked and sniffed.

"D...Don't die ShuShu.."

I look down at her, as she starts to wail, screaming and bawling profusely as she leans against me and holds me close.

"Don't die! Please don't die!"

I couldn't even fathom what was happening. I look down to the bawling little girl and pet her gently. She was scared, no terrified. And I left her alone to suffer in such a way.

 _How could I have let this happened?_

I look off in the distance and watch the burning village. The scarlet flames flickered and seemed to be the only thing lighting the night.

"What the hell!?"

A voice? I look over and see Lu Shan. The bandit leader, and Lu Huang's brother. She had a few of his lackeys with him and they all stared in terror at the burning village. He looks and see me holding a crying Mei.

"It's you!" he runs over and kneels to my side. He observes my condition with worried eyes.

Fatigue starts to hit me, my vision blurring a little. My eyelids feel heavy.

"Lu Shan...what're you doing he-"

"Quiet damnit! I'm trying ta save ya life! Oh shit…" He lashes back.

Mei looks up at him and shies away and hugs closer to me. She makes a 'shoo' motion and frowns.

"G-get away from ShuShu! You'll only hurt him!"

"Look girlie. I'm the last chance he's got. So get off of him and We'll get him a medic."

I couldn't register mei's reaction,but her weight was gone and I was picked him by the sides. I grunted in deep pain as My stomach felt a push of pressure against it. I dangle helplessly, over the figure.

"Come on, guys! We gotta get him back to the base!"

My vision starts to leave me and all I could see was the fading moonlight and darkness. I tried to look up, but I could only move my eyes, and all I saw were the sparks.

 _Is this really the Heaven's wrath?_

 **A/N:**

… **..yeah. This was…..so sad to type, but hey…...I like angst.** **I'm so sorry Xu Shu! AAHHH!** **If only life was sugar and rainbows...But don't worry he will find happiness….soon enough ^^' Thanks for reading! See you next chapter!**


	8. Not a Worthy Place

My eyes opens up to a beige room, with sunlight shining through. I looked over to see an open window, with the breeze coming through gently, allowing the curtains to flow. I look around the room to find that I'm in a bedroom and am on a bed. I look over to see Mei, sleeping on the ground in a fetal position beside the bed. I look down at her and sit up. I feel the breeze from the window and look down at myself. I'm shirtless , other than the bandages on my side.

 _So it wasn't a dream…_

I look back down to Mei and gently scoop her into my arms. I lift her up with a bit of force and place her on the bed as I get out of the bed. I look at her and noticed the puffiness around her eyes and how they have dark rings around them too.

 _I'm sorry Mei._

I turn and quietly walk out from the room, leaving Mei to rest. And I notice immediately that we're in a base. It's look akin to the inside of Kongming's house but less traditional and more...eating and drinking men.

"Fairy! Co'mere!"

I look to see Lu Shan waving to me from a lone seat and a table. I walk over and bow to him.

"Morning, Lu Shan."

"Sit down. Have something to eat! You must be famished!"

He now seems to be looking at me with good terms. Then again he did save my life...From what I remember.

"What happened while I was unconscious?"

Lu Shan's face went from relaxed to serious and a handmaiden placed a plate of food on my table. I look at the dumplings and my stomach growls.

"Well, I found ya almost dead beside a tree with the girl so I carried ya back. Got our medic to patch up ya wound and let you and the girl sleep in ma room."

I grab the dumpling, ignoring the heat, and take a small bite out of it. The sweet outside and savory inside complement each other very well.

"Enough about that! Why don't you get some liquor in your system too?" he leans in and smirks with a playful tone.

"Oh, well, I don't drink in the mor-"

"Handmaiden!"

He waves over a handmaiden holding a little jar of alcohol and she comes over. He points to me and gives her a thumbs up as she places the jar down, bows, and walks away.

I awkwardly chuckle, lifting my hand in polite protest.

"I don't need a drink, plus with Mei under my care I should-"

I trailed off, my words blown out of me by all the realizations and memories from last night. I look down at the dumpling in my hand and my hand trembled.

"Jiang Ping...Lu Huang...everyone...they're-"

THUD!

I jump as Lu Shan's fist had hit the table, even creating a slight crack in the hard material. I look at him and his head was down.

"Let's…" his voice was feeble and sad, 'Let's...not talk about what we had just lost."

I look down at the dumpling and nod in agreement, biting the food.

Our table had a heavy silence as we ate. I could see the anguish and mourning on Lu Shan's face. I stayed quiet and ate the dumpling, leaving the liquor for Lu Shan. After eating 2 dumplings, I asked If I could take a couple and give them to Mei.

"Go for it, kids gotta eat."

I take the dumpling and leave the base area, walking back into the hall that has Lu Shan's room. I knocks and come in quietly, Seeing a bump under covers, knowing Mei is awake.I slowly walk over and sit on the floor beside the bed, leaning my back against it.

"Mei...I have some dumplings for you….please eat."

Silence. but then I hear shuffling and I look up to see her head poked out from the covers. She looks as if she is shaking and I lift a dumpling to her. I pat the food on her lips and she opens her mouth, taking a small bite of it and chewing.

We sat in sad silence, as she ate and I fed her. I can't imagine what could've happened. I don't _**want**_ to imagine.

"...First there was a bunch of guys…"

My eyes opened and I looked at her, her face hidden by the blanket.

"They were all wearing yellow, and had big things. They had hurt everyone."

I nod in response, gently petting where I know her head is.

"...Daddy tried to fight...but….a big man came, and then fire."

A big man, the man that must been the one spouting out the lines.

"The house was on fire...Mommy tried to run..but….the roof in my room….she..she told me to run."

"Why didn't you?" I asked her, gently.

"Because Mommy, was in trouble. I...I wanted to…"

I sit up and face her on the bed. Poking her back as I let out a heavy sigh. And I climbed in the bed. Wrapping my arm around her she seemed to be distant at first.

"Mei...It's not your fault...You did your best to save Ping and Huang...there was...nothing you could have done."

 _It was_ _ **I**_ _who should have done something._

She leans into me and I hold her close, trying to comfort her.

 _If only I was there. If only I didn't hit the wire. If only...If only…_

My mind swarmed with thoughts, of other possible scenarios, other realities that could have been….If I wasn't so careless.

 _If only…_

Time passed, and my wound has finally healed up. Mei was distant but she started to bond with her true, uncle Lu Shan. Now we have matching nicknames: ShuShan and ShuShu. It was nice.

She doesn't seem to have fully healed from the experience, but she is a child. This experience will haunt her for a while…

 _It will haunt me for awhile._

I watched as Mei played with Lu Shan. He looked awkward, but having fun nonetheless. Her arms led him as he awkwardly danced with the much smaller figure. I look down at myself, observing my wear and seeing if anything was truly damaged. My robe was burned, but still wearable. I look at the hanging piece of wood, which was now nothing but a charred black.

 _I'm sorry Ping. After all that work to make it for me._

I watched Mei play with her weirdly loving uncle Lu Shan. She must look at him and be reminded of Lu Huang all over again. They do look pretty similar. The large built, the tan skin, even same hair and eye color. They looked identical.

I watch them lovingly and I can't help but think that...Mei belongs here with him. She shouldn't be stuck with someone so irresponsible like me.

 _I couldn't even protect her home, like I promised. She deserves better than to stay and travel with me._

My thoughts swirled, but I agreed that Lu Shan could do a phenomenal job of raising Mei. Mei didn't need me.

 _Mei_ _ **doesn't**_ _need me._

I walk back to Shan's room and sit on his bed, looking around as I think about gathering my things. Upon realizing all my 'things' were lost in the fires, I agreed to leaving after dark.

They'll be just fine without me.

I dust off my burned robe and wait for the night revelries to start. Every night the bandits like to celebrate and enjoy themselves. When I asked Lu Shan about it he said it was a reminder that life was short. So I usually take place in the celebration, but tonight… will be different.

I walk out of the room, seeing the handmaidens passing around fund and drinks and even feeding some of the bandits. The joyous laughter and cheers as someone chugs a whole jar of Baijiu. Recently, after the village's burning, they have been partying even harder.

I guess seeing a whole village destroyed in one day reminded them of how precious life is.

I snuck behind handmaidens and went around the bandit's field of drunken vision. After, reaching the opening to the base, I walk out. I have nothing in my hands other than the well-crafted sword Lu Huang had made for me.

It's time I leave.

"Hey fairy! Where are ya' going!?"

I knew that voice, and only one person calls me fairy.

"Lu Shan." I refused to turn back to him, incase he had Mei with him.

"I'm leaving."

I didn't need to look back at him to feel the anger swelling up inside of him.

"You're running away…"

 _I knew he would say that._

"If that's how you see it, then yes."

I heard his thunderous footsteps, each one send lightning bolts of anxiety down my spine. I refused to move or even show it. His large hand roughly places itself on my shoulder.

"What about Mei...What about the village...What about my brother?!"

He spat out his anger roughly, as if he's trying to stab me verbally.

"Mei will be fine. She has you now, right? She...she doesn't need me."

His grip squeezed and I winced a little from the pressure. Though his hand trembled.

"Plus...the village is gone...Huang is gone...there's nothing left for me to protect."

My body is forcefully turned and all I see is his skin as his fist meets my face painfully. I fall back on the ground from the pain and I hold my nose, now bleeding from the blow.

"You're leaving something you _can_ protect! You think that Mei all of the sudden doesn't want you in her life?! You live with her for months and months but won't stay here when she truly needs you! You….You….!"

Shan was shaking with rage, absolutely livid. He pulled out his sword from his sheath and pointed it at me. My eyes widened as I looked at the sharp point.

"You don't deserve to be alive!"

Shan's eyes were full of tears and I slowly bring myself up. I keep contact as I get into a kneeling position and tighten the grip on my sword and hook. He looks down at me with eyes of anger, his matching eyes to Huang's now flaming with immense hatred.

"Someone like you, shouldn't be allowed to leave _alive_ …"

Immediately he lifts his sword and tries to slice me, I jump away, avoiding the deadly slice. He quickly fixes his position and runs at me and starts rapidly slicing. I use my sword and hook to block most of his attacks, ducking and dodging for the rest. His assault was relentless, the flurry of sword slices seeming never ending.

I duck and kick upwards, hoping to catch him off guard, but he grabs my leg and throw me effortlessly. I Quickly fix my legs to the ground and slide. I look back hoping I didn't attract anyone's attention. No one noticed, but then I see a strand of my hair get cut as I jump away again. The strand dangle helplessly to the ground.

Shan slowly stands up and faces me again.

"Come one fairy," He pointed his sword at me, his words rumbling deep from his throat, "Is that all you got?"

I didn't want to fight Lu Shan. I only wanted to leave, peacefully, But I know the only way to stop him and end this peacefully was ,ironically, attacking. I stand up and grab my hook end as I swing it around. I launch it , and it hooks onto Lu Shan's weapon. He notices quickly and yanks it back, launching me towards him, I kick him in his gut and pull my hook off. Twirling my sword I wrap the ribbon around numerous of my fingers and I hold the sword firm. I launch at Shan with a flurry of petite sword stabs and slashes, purposely missing him in the process. He attacks back and kicks me away again.

The pain from my side wound seemed to return from the kick as I roll away from him, holding my gut and side. I cough to let out some aggravated pain. Reopening my eyes to Shan standing above me and getting ready to kill me!

"You let Huang die...and now you are just going to run from it?! Not on my watch, pal!"

I roll away from the slice, allowing his sword to land into the ground. Iforce myself up quickly and run over and quickly wrap my ribbon around his arms, bounding his fist and I flip over his head, and rendering him immobile.

Shan helplessly struggled to move away from me, but I held my ground and kicked the back of his knees so he will be kneeling.

"I'm not running away from responsibility...I'm leaving so you can avoid any more casualties…."

Shan's struggles stayed ruthless, having me constantly have to yank him back.

"Shan please…"

He slows down.

"Shan please understand."

He speeds up again.

"Lu Shan!"

He stops. As his head hung low, I heard him sob and whimper and I knew, that he finally broke.

"All I wanted….was for my brother and I….to be together...All I wanted…."

I look away, unable to bare this. I let Lu hung die, I took away not only Mei's parents, but Shan's promise of a future.

I let go of him releasing his wrist from the ribbon and I step away. Once his hands were free he stayed on all fours on the ground crying and a heavy silence burdened us.

"I'm sorry for letting Huang die...I truly am sorry."

I walk around Shan and his unmoving body. His walls came towering down and he was broken. I broke this man and I couldn't forgive it.

 _I'm sorry, But you deserve better than what I can offer._

I stepped into the silent forest once more. The moonlight shining and the cool breeze tickling my face. I carried my sword and hook, leisurely as I walked away from yet another failed attempt to find a home and family. I felt my tears begin to swell and trickle down my face.

 _I'm sorry…_

 **[A/N] *SNIFF SNIFF* I'M SORRY XU SHU BABY! Ahh! Why can't he have nice things? Because this story is an angst for a reason. So yeah, this chapter went….down a sad road but don't worry less sadness to come. And I hope none is confused by the time jumps. If so I don't mind answering questions! Anyway I hope you enjoyed see you next chapter!**


	9. Eight Gates and a New Path

Years has passed from the fall of the village. The Yellow turbans seemed to have been defeated and The Kingdom of Wei has seem to been flourishing. They make bold moves, and are moving southward. I have been travelling between provinces and simply keeping myself alive, staying out of strong political affairs.

In the distances the echo of swords clashing and men's yelping echoed. The night's peaceful presence were disturbed. I look down from the branch I am perched on, enjoying the last bite of an apple in my hand. My newly sewn robe flows in the wind and I observe the people below me.

It's….Lord Liu Bei! The name of the now well known warrior stains my mind. He has became a ruler, without a land, but not without supporters. Tales of he and his sworn brothers, Zhang Fei and Guan Yu has spread throughout many villages that I've crossed.

They seem to be in trouble. I know that up ahead the Wei officer, Cao Ren, has set up the Eight gates formation. If they simple charge in thy will be defeated for sure.

 _Maybe I should help._

They finish off the last enemy and I jump down. They seem to be trying to find out a way to attack the formation.

"We need to push our way through. But how?"

I slowly walk up. "Cao Ren's Eight gates formation is a formidable one. No way to attack directly, unless you know how to maneuver your way through the gates."

Lord Liu Bei and his Brothers turned to me. Zhang Fei and Guan Yu look down on me with suspicion. But Lord Liu Bei simply looks surprised. His eyes seem to scan my appearance and that unconsciously makes me pull hood a little further down.

"Who are you?" he asks.

I cup my fists together and bow respectively.

"Oh, my apologies. I am Xu Shu, a passerby."

Lord Liu Bei bows to me.

"I see..and I am-"

"I know of your name- Lord Liu Bei. As well as you Master Zhang Fei, Master Guan Yu."

Their suspicions seems to rise even higher, as they walk closer to their shorter brother. Master Guan Yu speaks up.

"Hm. I see. A man who knows of our brother yet approaches him so casually."

I shake my head. 'Not at all, I simply came here to provide my assistance. I have that of which you lack."

Zhang Fei seemed to boil over. He lifted his weapon angrily.

"Why you-! You're going to say something like that to our-"

His preparation for violent stride was halted by Lord Liu Bei's arm. I see the young man walk closer to me as he observes me with eye of hope.

"Tell me then...What is it that I lack?"

"Strategy. Someone who can manipulate and know the battlefield. A strategist."

Lord Liu Bei's eyes widened, as if he just realized he lacked something so important. He steps back to his brothers as Guan Yu crosses his arms.

"I see. And you are here to offer your services?"

I...haven't truly considered that possibility. Me being a strategist? It's hard to even imagine. However, It looks as If Lord Liu Bei really needs someone who is at least perceptive enough to help him on his battles. I can at least say I'm perceptive. But can I truly help them as much as they need? But Maybe I could-

"Wait."

Lord Liu Bei's words caught me and brought me out of my thoughts. He moves closer and his eyes look as if he is begging.

"I have heard of a great strategist around here. The Sleeping Dragon. Are you him?"

My eyes widen as I had realized what he was looking for. He wants Zhuge Liang, no, he needs him. My confidence seemed to be sucked out of me.

I awkwardly chuckle as I shake my head and look away.

"No...I am not him.."

Lord Liu Bei may not need me in the future. However, he could use my assistance right now.

I turn to them with newfound determination.

"Do you really wish to meet the Sleeping Dragon?"

The man nodded very quickly, again as if begging me.

I bit my lip and nodded my head. I walk up ahead in front of them.

"Then you must follow every word I say. To meet the Sleeping Dragon we must get through the Eight Gates formation that Cao Ren has set up. Luckily, I know how to get through."

I didn't look back at the trio, expecting them all to look at me suspiciously. I didn't want to look at their reactions, but I hope they understand my intentions.

After a moment of silence, Master Guan Yu's voice spoke up.

"You have honorable intentions...We shall listen to you"

Master Zhang Fei points to me rudely. "But if anything happens to our brother, it's your head!"

I turn back to them as they nod to me and I nod back. I hope this goes well.

I take a deep breath, gathering courage in with the air, and I ready my weapon in my hands.

"Let's go."

And we run in.

"First we must take the bases that are side by side. Then we run around to each base anti-clockwise. And if we are lucky, we can avoid making direct contact with Cao Ren's troops." My words slipped out quickly as I threw my weapon around, keeping wary soldiers away.

Lord Liu Bei uses his dual swords to strike down some soldiers and he turns to me.

"And you're positive this will get us through?"

I nod. "I'm confident it will. Now let's go!" I jump up and hook myself to the ground and slam down, then throw my hook to connect to some enemies, bringing myself near I kick them all away.

Master Guan Yu Slashes his way and takes out a few soldiers behind me and MAster Zhang Fei takes down some enemies near Lord Liu Bei.

"We have claimed this base. Onto the next!"

I run ahead leading them around the bases. They all seemed identical and no strong enemies have arrived yet. I don't think any other Wei officers are around to assist Cao Ren. That's a relief and one less worry for us.

The cries of men were heard all over. Blood spilling and even more men retreating. I fought alongside, Master Guan Yu, Master Zhang Fei, and Lord Liu Bei effortlessly. I didn't take a single life though, as odd and hard as it sounds. I kept my attacks a minimum and mostly hand to hand. We ran through each of the gates in order. I want them to avoid Cao Ren, if they get into confrontation with the Wei army it will not be advantageous. We must concentrate on making it to the mountain range.

After finally leaving the last gate, we run east, toward the opening gate, into Kongming's territory. However there's a Wei Squadron waiting for us. In front of the small soldiers, was a man dressed in blue.

He stood shorter than me but intimidating all the same. He had blonde hair and wore blue attire attire that looked somewhat regal. He held a scepter and had a mischievous smile on his face.

"Well, well. No wonder Lord Liu Bei had been doing so well getting through the formation." He rubbed the scepter widening the grin on his face.

I skid and force myself to stop running, searching for a way around this sudden squadron. I look around more, trying to find a specific way to avoid this.

There must be a shortcut! A path! Anything?!

Just then my keen eye had caught the off road, that leads straight to the base. Kongming, had the path for specific visitors and for himself and Ying whenever they traveled. I have to lead Lord Liu Bei through that! I lift my sword and twist it, pointing the blade at the blond man.

He barely reacts, giving a 'hmph' as he points and the soldiers all come running to us. Guan Yu effortlessly slashes his way through, and Zhang fei as well. I dodge most of the squad's attacks and make my way for its leader. I kicked down the last soldier in my way and start charging towards him Just as I was almost to him my feet rose into the air. Looking down, there were Red and gold orbs under me and I see the squad leader point his scepter up to me.

 _Sorcery!?_

The orb risen up and hit me in the face, sending me flying.

"Xu Shu!" I quickly regain balance and landed on the ground.

If I can't get from up close then I'll hit from afar!

More soldiers has rushed me and they quickly get out of my way due to a shockwave Zhang Fei had created. I twirl my hook and launch it towards the blonde man. He stamps his scepter into the ground, as if allowing my hook to catch it. Once It did I yanked and pulled myself to him. Catching him on surprise, I use this chance to attack.

"Nice try."

Only for it to fail again. I landed onto the ground again and Master Guan Yu and Master Zhang fei stood beside me. Lord Liu Bei was forced to watch from behind us, due to his brother's making him. I stare the the sorcerer closely, He waves his hands and effortlessly summons 7 orbs around himself. They circulate him as he stares back at us. I glance back to the secret path and click my tongue. I stands and turn to Lord Liu Bei.

"My Lord, there's a path over there leading to the sleeping dragon. It won't be easy to persuade him however we _will_ at least listen to your plight. Go now. All of you."

Their eyes widened as they look to each other.

"We can't leave you here-"

"Excuse me. Quarrelling isn't exactly nice during battle." The man's voice sounded amused, and it only worried me more.

I turn Lord Liu Bei forcefully and point him to the path and charge back to the man. I throw my hook again and it knocks off of an orb. I see the orb vanish and it pieces together that they vanish upon harsh contact.

 _A weakness!_

I see him, lift his hand and 4 orbs fly up hitting me into the air. The pain from my side came back as I grab it. Ignoring it, I throw the hook down and yank myself down roughly to the ground. He moves away and I slice through the force made distance. The last 2 orbs he had summoned rush to me and I slice them away. They vanish quickly and I heave breath from my tired lungs. I point my sword to him again and glance to see if they had left.

 _Good. They went to Kongming._

"How noble of you. Letting them run while you fight all on your own."

His mockery flattery causes me to glare at him. I get into a charging position, but when I am about to run he chuckles.

"Too bad. I have no Orbs. Sadly, it's not like I can-"

His arm raises and a blue glow surround his hand. Many orbs surround him as his smirk had went from mischievous to villainous. His blonde hair flowing from the seemingly random wind.

"Summon more!"

He thrust his scepter forward and over 5 is launched at me. I panic and begin to run away from them.

"Lā shǐ!" I shout as I throw my hook to a tree and yank myself up. I flip around it and land on the branch.

"What vulgar language? Panicking, puppy?"

I glare down at him, knowing that I'm on the defensive. I can't retreat though, he'll just follow Lord Liu Bei and his brothers. He lifts his scepter and violently hits an orb, that wildly knocks along and hits others. Soon the large amount of Orbs are banging and clashing wildly against each other and the nature. I duck barely dodging one that managed to get to my tree.

 _I can't get close like this!_

I dodge more but I couldn't escape one that hit me in my shoulder, causing me to lose balance and fall off the branch. I use my left arm to hang onto the branch and put my sword hilt in my mouth. I use the hook and throw it at him again.

"This trick again? How about I help you!"

He yanks me off of the tree and I and forcefully brought to him. I fix my position so I won't hit him face first. However I am only met with 3 orbs slamming my body down to the hard ground. My breath is beaten out of me and I struggle to catch it. I try to get up but above me sat out 5 Orbs waiting to hurt me. My breath is shaking and it even hurts to force oxygen into my aching lungs. I cough a few times and spit out some blood.

I see black boots with gold accents and know that it's the man. I grip my sword and struggle to stand only to have my hand stomped on. His heel digs into my hand as I cried out in pain.

"Bad Puppy. You need some training. Men, we have a prisoner! Get the rope!"

Soon after, 2 soldiers surround me as well, as they tie me up. I try to struggle but my body can't handle more attacks. They yank me up to my knees and I look around. More people had gathered. Particularly some dressed in very impressive wear and even more regal than the squadron leader.

"Thank you Guo Jia," A short man with raven black hair and facial hair walks out. He looks as if he is a king amongst all the soldiers. "Not only have you driven Liu Bei into a secluded area but you captured someone"

The Squad leader,presumably 'Guo Jia' bows respectfully to him.

"Thank you, Lord Cao Cao."

wait! This is Lord Cao Cao?!

Before I even knew it the Wei King stood in front of me, looking down at me. His eyes seem to scan me and watch my reaction. I can't help but look away, intimidated by his straightforward gaze.

It was silent and I finally built up enough courage to speak up.

"Do what you will," I look up to the King of Chaos. His eyes seem to have widen but they relax again as he lets me continue my spiel.

"For I...have played my part. I have moved my pieces...and I am at a Stalemate. I do not care what happens to me."

Lord Cao Cao's eyes harden and he turns away from me.

"Then rot."

His voice was harsh, I could almost hear the venom and feel it as well.

"I have no use of a man, with no ambition. No matter how intelligent."

Intelligent? He thinks I'm intelligent? And then the ambition statement? Is that why he does was he does? For his ambitions.

Lord Cao Cao, is the King of Wei and he hurls himself into battle...for his ambitions.

His feet began to pace away and my mouth seemed to move on it's own.

"Wait!...I ...I do have ambitions." He turns to me, these words flooding from me feel foreign but passionate.

"I want to end this chaos, to aid the people of villages and help them live their lives. I want to use my strategy to save lives."

 _What a hypocritical statement._

But Lord Cao Cao's eyes softened and he walks to me again.

"Very Well, and you're name?"

"Xu Shu,"I bow my head respectively.

"My Lord."

Lord Cao Cao lifts his sword and stabs the rope off of my arms. the random free cause the blood to quickly rush back and i move my hands around a little. Lord Cao Cao turns to the blonde man.

"Guo Jia, you have a new apprentice."

My eyes scanned the blonde man. He stood leisurely, hand on hip and his clothes exposed his collar area. he held his scepter into the ground as he smiles to me kindly, though almost wicked.

"Looks like I get to train you after all."

 _What have I gotten myself into?_

 **[A/N] You've gotten yourself into Wei Xu Shu. I know this chapter took awhile, but here it is. And everything happened very fast but I wanted to bring that rushing feel. I think I did good! Also, yes, I know I didn't use every single word from the actual game. But I didn't want to copy everything so...yeah! Welp, wish the 'puppy' luck! See you next chapter!**

 **Oh yeah! and La Shi apparently means 'shit' but Don't Trust google translate!**


	10. A Warm Welcome

The Wei Main Camp. It's even larger than I thought it would be. Master Guo Jia, the Wei Strategist leads me through the camp. I follow the shorter blonde man and try to piece together where I've gotten myself. I somehow gotten myself into the Wei troops and the high positions of the Strategist's apprentice. I couldn't really believe it. Everything happened so fast, that the whole battle now sits as a blur in my memory.

I just hope Lord Liu Bei is alright. Before they sent me back, Lord Cao Cao had ordered some men to chase after them, and then we were off.

Maybe they got away, Kongming would lead them out, right?

"Xu Shu. You seem to be spacing out, not a good first impression." A smooth voice caught me off guard.

Master Guo Jia's voice is that of a sweet coo, but a coo with venom. I know at least that much. I bow, respectively.

"Ah, my apologies."

He chuckles and places a hand on his cheek leisurely.

"It is quite alright. It can be a bit overwhelming." He smiles at me and I can't help but distrust it. He turns and points, and my eyes follow the direction of his gloved finger. There was a building, as if it was separate form the base itself.

"There is the dining hall. There all the officers come together and eat their rations. Tonight we're celebrating."

I look at Master Guo Jia with confusion, until I realized the source of their celebration. Did they…

Did they catch up to Lord Liu Bei?

I have to ask, directly! I won't let him dodge the question!

"May I ask, Master Guo Jia, celebrating what?

He turns back to me and flashes another smile, and he put his index finger upon his lips.

"Well, celebrating life itself."

My head tilts, I don't get it. Celebrating life itself? Are they celebrating for just living?

"Excuse me, Lord Guo Jia."

Our heads turns and wee a man with tan skin and purple and blue head wrap. He wears loose clothes and a casual face. He strides over to Master Guo Jia.

"Ah, Jia Xu. How may I help you?"

Jia Xu is his name? They seem to be on good terms as well. Jia Xu lifts his arm and points back over to the dining hall.

"Everyone's waiting on you. They want you to join the celebration and show us your new toy."

Toy? Do they mean me? Master Guo Jia chuckles and crosses his arms over his stomach.

"I'll be there. I still have to show Xu Shu around."

I give a small wave to Jia Xu but he didn't wave back. His eyes plaster themselves onto me and I pull hood down again.

"So Xu Shu's your name huh? I'm the second strategist Jia Xu. Good to meet you" He holds out a hand to me.

I hesitantly take it, and shake it with a nod. He pulls away and waves to Master Guo Jia and walks back to the dining hall.

I followed Master Guo Jia through the camp, learning what tent is what, where to bathe, where to train, and even specific tents for officers. After the grand tour we made our way to the dining hall. When Master Guo Jia opened the doors, the loud roaring and rumbling of officers partying echoed through the camp. Soldiers were drinking like it was their last night to live. Handmaidens were even drinking, enjoying the booze they sell. And there was plenty of laughter and smiles.

Master Guo Jia walks in and I follow him. He strides with confidence, as if none of the drunken men or women could touch him and even the occasional flying cup seemed to avoid his way. I duck and scoot my way through the people, trying to keep with him.

In the back of the dining hall, there was a large table that seated the highest ranked warriors, and Master Guo Jia headed straight for that table. Lord Cao Cao sits at the head of the table, and beside him was a tall man with an eyepatch. I should keep my distance from them.

Alas, I have to follow Master Guo Jia...who is sitting right beside Lord Cao Cao. He had taken the seat while I was thinking and he crossed his legs and went for a bottle of wine. Meanwhile the man with the eye patch speaks up.

"Gonna introduce yourself?"

He forcefully makes eye contact with me, and it causes me to shiver. I try to swallow down my anxiety as I bow to them.

"My apologies, I am Xu Shu. New apprentice of Master Guo Jia."

All eyes at the high ranking table landed onto me, and I felt the nervousness rise. I see so many large warriors and even some women sitting at the high table. Even though more soldiers were around us roaring and having a fun time, this table seemed to be deader than a desert. My heart was pounding and I kept my head down, in an attempt to calm myself.

"This was the man that knew his way around your Eight Gate formation Cao Ren." Lord Cao Cao had spoken up.

"Ah I see. You led Liu Bei to safety?" Cao Ren had replied.

My mouth seemed to go dry as the anxiety raised. My heart was pumping and my hearing was starting to fade.

The table was lively again, but now with talk of me. I couldn't hear it all very well, only really registering small tidbits.

"So he was under Liu Bei?"

"He's not beautiful at all! ~"

"Are you sure you should trust someone like him, Cousin?"

 _No, I must calm down._

My breath is starting to be taken away as I keep my head down.

"Now, now everyone. Give him some time. He has only just started working toward his ambition, why don't we give him a chance to prove himself. "

Master Guo Jia's words had been caught into my ears and I look to him. He spun the glass gently in his pale fingers and watched as the wine moved. He seemed confident in his words and it caught the table off guard.

"Xu Shu, Remove the hood." Master Guo Jia ordered.

I stand up straight and gently remove the hood off of my head. Now I get a good look at every warrior at the table and they get a look at me. I look around at each of them quickly and then look back away.

"Xu Shu."

Lord Cao Cao's voice called me and I turned and bowed once more.

"Yes, My Lord?"

I hear a creak and I look up to see Lord Cao Cao standing. He holds out his drink and says with a booming voice.

"Allow us to give you a proper welcome to Wei."

The other officers stand as well and they all mimic his movements. All of their drinks being held and they all smile and nod to one another. After a few moments they all sit and I see a handmaiden pull a chair up. I look and she gestures for me to sit. I sit down and thank her and scoot up a little.

I feel a cool tap on my cheek and look to see Master Guo Jia handing me a glass of wine. I awkwardly take and look into the magenta fluid. Master Guo Jia holds his glass to me and I do so as well.

'Clink'

The night goes on and I don't drink a sip of alcohol. However, halfway through the night I see Master Guo Jia stands and walk off. I'm guessing he has had enough, and I find myself sitting outside enjoying the night. The moon glows with a calming hue and the stars seem more abundant from here.

I feel a pain in my back suddenly causing me to turn to the source. I see Jia Xu as he waves to me and walks to my right side.

"Beautiful night. Wouldn't you agree?"

I nod and continue my stargazing hobby. Soon seeing in my peripheral as he joins me on the ground. We sat in silence for a while until I hear him sigh.

"You know, when I first joined Wei, it was even worst."

I look at Jia Xu and his eyes turns downward.

"What do you mean by worst?"

He lifts his head and glances at me.

"I mean, it wasn't so friendly! Yeah there were some tensions but because of Guo Jia you were able to relax." Jia Xu's hands moved, conveying his emotions.

"When I joined, the tensions were so think you could feel it on your lungs. But it wasn't for no reason. "

"What was the reason?"

Jia Xu chuckles and he stretches, after patting his knees he stands back up and dusts himself off.

"We should get to sleep, we have a long training day tomorrow."

He ended up avoiding the question, but I decided not to pry. I watch at Jia Xu walks away while waving to me.

"Good night."

"You too."

I look back up to the stars and moon, enjoying the nostalgic feeling. Though it is much different now. I'm not a free man, I am a Wei strategist and I will have to get used to that fact.

I reach into my robe and look at my burned chariot piece. It somehow is still with me after all this time. Jiang Ping must have used very heavy duty metal, well she was married to blacksmith. My thoughts then travel back to Mei.

 _I wonder if they're doing well._

It's not as if I can ask or go back. I sigh and stand up, deciding to call it a night. I walk over to a vacant tent that Master Guo Jia had pointed out during the tour and enter. It wasn't grand, pretty small actually, but it had a small sleeping bag within and a little 'desk area'. I remove my robe cautiously, and crawl into the sleeping bag.

 _It's pretty small._

I toss and turn until I force my eyes close and attempt to think of things that put me to sleep. Old stories, counting sheep, anything. But none worked. Until I remembered something.

The lightning bolt song my mother used to sing to me. It was a song that she made up on the spot one night when I was young but she continued to sing it every time I needed comfort or sleep. I remember the lyrics myself. Taking a small breath and quietly sing to myself.

"Ó, wǒ de shǎndiàn, shǎn liàng de guāng. Diǎn liàng jīn wǎn línghún de fāngshì. Nǐ de línghún běnshēn rúcǐ míngliàng. Lǐngdǎo de dàolù, shì tiāntáng de zhǐnán."

I sing the familiar song to myself and it instantly soothes my nerves. Memories of my mother comes to mind. Of her selling her crafts and her bright smile as she woke me up at the crack of dawn to help her with harvesting. Seeing her struggle with cooking a meal, even laughing at her own atrocious dishes.

I smile, and slowly allow myself to fall to sleep. A tear rises and slowly falls down my cheek.

 _Mother._

 **[A/N] I've finally made it….he is in Wei now! Now IF you're wondering technically you can count the whole village thing as an intro, but still it's a very important thing! So yeah! I wanted Jia Xu and Xu Shu to be good friends at least! Oh and the Lullaby goes like this in English (according to Google Translate):**

" **Oh my lightning, shining light**

 **Light the way for souls tonight.**

 **With your soul itself so bright**

 **Lead the way, be heaven's guide."**

 **Yep! That's the little song! Sing it to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star because I am a sad American. So I made it up for him. I hope you enjoyed this short chapter! See you next chapter!**


	11. First Day, Past Thoughts

"Alright men, no dawdling!"

The yelps of soldiers as they thrust their weapons echoed in the base. They all moved in complete unison, It honestly, was amazing. The man with the eyepatch was leading them, pacing back and forth with his arms crossed intimidatingly.

I can't help but watch them. The soldiers themselves were hardworking and s=they trained with a calm head. Keeping up with one another, effortlessly.

"Isn't Xiahou Dun's exercises impressive?"

I jump a little and turn to Master Guo Jia who just came out from his tent. He runs his hand through his blonde hair and plays with the ends. I bow to him and stand back up.

"My apologies, Master. But I've never seen a group of soldiers so together. It's a little overwhelming."

He chuckles at my response as he starts to walk. I follow him closely.

"Well, yes, you do have a point. But having soldiers so together is what keeps Wei so powerful. Our strategies always carry out smoothly, because of their hard work. Speaking of which-" He turns back to me and pokes my chest, I can't help but blink in a confused manner. "We have to change your wear. You stand out like a sore thumb with that green and our men may believe you're an enemy."

I look down at my robe, the green does make me look suspicious. But change my wear? I can't imagine wearing anything different.

"I shall order some handmaidens over to measure you and sew you a new robe." Master Guo Jia speaks as if he can simply snap his fingers and they will do it. I shake my head in disagreement.

"Oh no! I Couldn't bother the maidens like that. They are already so busy and-"

"Let us go to their building now, they should be awake."

Master Guo Jia turns sharply and strides straight to the maiden's tents with no care. I awkwardly follow him, trying to convince him not to bother them, but he doesn't care.

He even just lifts their tents without a warning!

"Ladies, excuse us. But I require a favor."

Al the handmaidens lift their heads and look at Master Guo Jia, Most of them seem to blush at his presence alone. One stands and walks over to him. And they whisper a little. I can't really hear them but I stand and look away from the delicate women in the tent.

"Kya!"

What?! I look back and see Master Guo Jia peppering kisses onto the maiden's face. Her face is flushed and she squirms alittle under his lips. His hands sat delicately on her back and he seemed to rub down….and down….and- Heavens!

I reflexively grabs Master Guo Jia's arm and pull him away roughly. The maiden's robe laid on her body loosely and she used her arms to hold it up. Her neck was….marked.

Master Guo Jia looks up at me, his hazel eyes dulling as he pouts. I hold onto his arm as it sits beside my head and above his own.

"What did you do that for? I was simply giving her some incentive."

Incentive? That seems like some weird incentive.

"My apologies Master, but I don't think that was appropriate." I gather my thoughts and managed a sentence that made sense.

He simply chuckles and looks back at the maiden.

"Well then, do I have your word?"

She can only nod as the event of everything was still plastered in her mind. I couldn't blame her honestly, but I'm surprised she agreed. The other maidens in the tent simply looked away shyly and were silently squealing into their palms.

She fixes her robe and readjusts herself.

"R-Right this way Master Xu Shu."

Master? The foreign title stamped my mind as I walked over to her with a nod. I've never been called 'Master' before. In technicality, I am in a higher position than them, but it still feels weird.

My thoughts were interrupted my pairs of roaming female hands on my body. One hand lifted my right arm, another lifted my left. Another was making it's way around the collar of my robe. I look down to see a maiden undoing the hanging ribbons on my waist. I awkwardly stand there, holding back my nervousness. The ribbons fell to the ground and I feel the buttons of the belt on my sides go undone. My arm gauntlets are then removed and I was told to lift my arms. I do so and feels the maiden lift my robe and pull it off my body.

I hear a few gasps and I look at the maidens, my upper body now being exposed. The cool breeze from outside the tent flew in and i shivered, but it specifically felt cool on my-...

 _My side._

I quickly take back my robe and attempt to hide the healed wound with it. The maidens stared at me, almost scared by what they had saw.

"Oh my, what the battle scar." Master Guo Jia's voice had pierced through the tense air as he walks over to me. He gently pulls my shoulders to turn myself to him and he kneels to see the wound closer, only making me hide it.

"Come now, I've seen plenty of injuries. You could be no different."

He pulls the robe away and I do nothing but watch his expression as he observed the wound.

His face looked...as if he was theorizing, then mild concern, then acceptance.

" I got it," I started, "Before I came to Wei and even before the Battle at Xinye."

He smiles, "I would hope, it doesn't look new. With how healed it already is. Does it hurt?"

I shake my head. "Only with rough contact."

"Rough contact, hm."

I look at the maidens who seemed to be observing Master Guo Jia now. More interested in the scene, than the wound reveal.

Cold!

I look back down sharply to see Master Guo Jia's hand gently touching my wound. His fingers gently traced over the edges, then over every wrinkle from the burnt skin. He moved closer, as if he's identifying more discrepancies.

He looks up to me and moves away slowly, standing back up. He nods to the maidens and they snap out of their viewing minds to starts measuring me.

The measuring process didn't take too long. After measuring my sizes they gave me back my clothes and we left to go to the Barracks.

We came to small building, as if it's a small room in the base. Master Guo Jia Opened the door and inside the little room sat books. It was a little library, for those who wanted to read alone. It was silent, and a little dusty, but it had a rustic charm to it. I walk in and look around at the books.

Master Guo Jia walks in behind me and closes the door and walks to a specific shelf quickly.

"Now that we finally made it, we can start your training."

My training? Well I am his apprentice. I nod to him and he takes out a large black book. He blows on it, letting the dust collect and fall to the ground.

"Now , Xu Shu, You must've studied great strategies, to have been able to break through the Eight Gates. Have you ever studied under someone?"

"No Master, You're the first one."

He puts his thumb on his chin, contemplating.

"Well you knew the formation so well. But why study strategies? You don't seem to be an official strategist, well, until now."

I comb my hands into each other and walk over to the bookshelf.

"Well, I've also loved strategies and things of the like. I actually have been studying to become a scholar."

"A fighting scholar?"

I look away a little embarrassed that I haven't actually come far as a supposed 'Scholar'. Master Guo Jia chuckles and opens the large book in his hands.

"Now, We're going to go through some basic strategies and I want you to name them, alright?"

"Yes, Sir!"

Hours had passed, seamlessly. Master Guo Jia;s voice was all I heard and My mind was racing, with flooding memories of me studying strategies. The endless all-nighters of finding their weakness, their strengths. Countless hours of notetaking and hand cramps. And even testing them out in real battles as a lone fighter. I responded quickly and clearly and with as much confidence as I remember. There were some I didn't even know, but Master Guo Jia kindly reiterated or explained them. I had taken a seat on the floor as he stood in front of me leaning back on the wall, calmly.

The session ends with the dusty book slamming closed. Master Guo Jia looks up from under his bangs and smiles.

"You did well, I think we can start off with you organizing simple plans for little battles at least. Later on, I'll give you a squad to lead, and eventually, you might be able to make a strategy for the whole army."

I nod, happy with the results I have gotten. I'm glad I studied for so long, it almost makes all the hand cramps worth it.

"Oh, Master Guo Jia?"

He props himself off of the wall and puts the book away.

"What is it Xu Shu?"

I stood up and dusted off my robe, and I tried to speak this question easily.

"Well, I wanted to know...How do you make a strategy for once hundreds of people so easily."

His eyes snapped open and they looked at me unsteadily. I tense up, regretting my decision to ask. He looks away and back to the shelf.

"It isn't easy. There's never any sort of guarantees on the battlefield. We can only hope and plan ahead as much as we can when it comes to it. At its barest bones, strategy is nothing more than a game, but the risks are higher and the pieces are poeple."

He speaks with a voice of woe, but he continued his explanation.

"Every step a soldier takes could be their last. And as a strategist we must plan for that. Considering the possible casualities and failures, is what makes a great strategist. This is something even Jia Xu fails to see."

I nod, not knowing how to respond to such a thought-filled reply. Master Guo Jia walks by and past my shoulder in a friendly manner.

"You are good for today, I'm going to eat lunch and running some errands."

And like that...he was gone. Not a single word as he left and I stared at the door in disbelief. After catching myself I turn back to the books and remember more of my Scholar days. I pick up a red book on weaponry.

"This is a new edition…"

I look at the name and sit on the floor once more. I learn against the wall and get in a comfortable position. Opening the book and beginning to read.

 _"Weaponry is very essential to an armies success…"_

 **[A/N] I know this chapter didn't have a huge cliffhanger or attention grabber at the end, but I thought it would be nice to end this one on a more calm note, to make up for all the feels in the past chapters. Here Xu Shu is ...One the floor….Reading a book, happily...he deserves it ^^ Also, man I am SO happy I finally got to Guo Jia. I have been awaiting this moment forever…..But now just more patience and everything will turn out fine! Anyway! See you next chapter!~**


	12. The Hidden Blue

Blue.

My new robe had filled my view. Almost identical, and perhaps even more impressive than my original. However this one was blue. Obviously, to represent Wei, but It felt a bit awkward to wear it. It fit perfectly, and the maidens say I look handsome in it. But, it's still a bit awkward to me. I look at the robe and see that it's very nice looking. The ribbon is now yellow instead of blue and I can tell the stitch work took time and care.

I thanked the maidens and they sent me off. I have to show Master Guo Jia, after all he got the maidens to sew my new clothes for me with his….persuasion technique.

I hear a whistle from behind me and I turn to see Jia Xu walk up.

"Looking good there Xu Shu. You finally look like a Wei Strategist."

I nod and bow to him.

"Thank you Master Jia Xu."

He waves his hand and pats my shoulder.

"Seems like you're fitting in, No one's looking at you with suspicions currently."

I chuckles, "I believes it's because I am always with Master Guo Jia. His presence seems to really affect the others."

He nods in agreement, "Yeah, He has this weird aura about him."

"Aura?"

"Huh, you never noticed? I mean for the past week you two have been inseparable."

I look away, he is right. For this past week, while my new robe was being sewn, I spent most if not all my time with Master Guo Jia. From the morning to the evening, we spent time in the library, talking about strategies, reading books, and even eating snack together.

"Guo Jia's 'aura' is that of manipulation. He has this way of forcing either ideals or moods onto people. Akin to Lord Cao Cao's."

I place a hand on my chin, processing Jia Xu's theory. He has a point, Master Guo Jia has a way of presenting himself that causes people to trust him enough but not know him enough.

"You do have a point."

"It's quite impressive. Don't you think?" He puts his hands on his head and stretches easily.

"Well yes but-"

"JIA XU! YOUR SQUAD HAS BEEN WAITING!"

"Oops. Looks like Nanny Dun is on me again. I'll see you later."

"Ah, ok."

I wave Jia Xu goodbye as he runs away to Xiahou Dun. So far, I've at least spoken or greeted every Wei officer, but him...for good reason. He still looks at me suspiciously, and he hasn't spoken a word to me other than at the table on my first day.

I make eye contact with Xiahou Dun and quickly turn to walk away, Even without me facing him I can feel the cold stabs of his glare. I lift my new hood over my head and head to Master Guo Jia's tent. I haven't seen him all day.

I stride calmly to his tent, which sits a little more secluded in the corner.

"Master Guo Jia, it is time to wake up."

No answer. That's weird. I lift the opening to the tent and walking slowly. I look around and it was a desk in the corner and a larger spreadsheet makeshift 'bed' I see a bup in it and I walk over to it. Just as I am about to say something, I see-

Wait...is that….a woman!?

I step back in disbelief. The covers laid on them in such a way to cover her intimates but give enough evidence of an eventful night. I see Master Guo Jia's head move as he groans a little. Hazel eyes opening and instantly falling onto me.

"Oh Xu Shu, morning."

He tries to sit up but the woman's persistent snuggling stop him. He look down at her and pokes her cheek, casually. SHe groans and eyes open as well. She looks up at him and rubs his chest.

"Oh morning, Lord Guo Jia." She speaks affectionately.

He smirks at her and leans over, pulling her face to his and- oh my.

I look away, avoiding seeing such a scene. I use my hood to hide it from my peripheral as well. Are they-...are they really doing that in front of me?!

"Xu Shu, what seems to be the problem?"

I turn back to see the woman had stood up and her back faced me, I quickly turn back around to avoid seeing more than I am allowed to.

"I...I had came to wake you up."

He chuckles, nonchalantly and I hear shuffling. I can't help but blush knowing that I am in the room with two, still very sexually active, people. Soon the woman had put on her clothes, apparently she's a soldier and she starts to walk out. I see her yank Master Guo Jia down by his hair and kiss him again, this time I witnessed it due to me being unable to look away.

This isn't….an innocent kiss. Their tongues were clearly visible and by the sounds the women emitted, Master Guo Jia is experienced. After that they pull away and she leaves.

He looks at me as he adjust the robe he put on and chuckles.

"You look surprised. I am still a man, Xu Shu."

I shakes my head and lift my hands.

"N-no, I mean, Yes. I understand that."

He puts a finger on his mouth and rubs his lips as he walks over to his desk. He shuffles through a few papers, and then lifts up one.

"Ah yes, today's plan was a surprise for you."

I tilt my head.

"A surprise, sir?"

"Yes. You've been doing so well this past week, that I wanted to reward you for your hard work."

A reward? I'm a little afraid of what that reward could be. But I nod and he tells me to meet him at the library.

I quickly make my way to the library, trying to avoid anything that made me relive that event. I thought Master Guo Jia was active like that, but not... _ **that**_ active.

I sit in the library, twiddling my thumbs, reading little excerpts of books, anything to pass the time and make the embarrassment fade.

Soon the door creaks open and MAster Guo Jia strides in with his usual adjusts his black gloves and his cape and closes the door behind him. I stands and he walks to the bookshelf and reaches for the usual strategy book.

"First, before your surprise, let us review."

I nod, and he starts to walk out of the library. I follow him, curiously, wondering why we're aren't staying in there.

"Fire Eagle formation?"

"Where the defenses sit isn't he middle as the bird's 'body' and the arrowmen shoots as its 'wings' and the swordsmen savour as the rest of the form."

"Yes. Good."

We walk along as he quizzes me on formations. Correct answers spill from my mouth effortlessly and I simply follow him. Each formation he spouted out were familiar, and I explained their positions flawlessly. My mind was so tunneled that before I knew it we were in the forest a little bit away from camp.

Once I realized it was too late. I look around to see high hanging trees with small spots of sunlight.

"Um, Master?"

"What is it?" He finally stops walking."

"Where are we?"

He chuckles and I feel cautious once again.

"No where. But it's time for some…" I see 4 orbs appear randomly, wait what!?

"Test of your knowledge!"

He violently turns causing the orbs to fly straight at me.

"La Shi!"

I panic and jump away, doing my best to avoid the orbs. He summons more and slaps them so they bump and knock uncontrollably, I duck and jump over them whenever they get close. I land from a jump and pant with caution. I hold my chest and struggle to catch my breath.

"Tired already puppy?"

That nickname again. He only brings it up whenever we're in these situations.I do my best to calm my nerves and stand up.

"I didn't expect a training session to be my reward. IT's a little unfair. I have no weapon after all."

Master Guo Jia chuckles and summons more orbs without even moving.

"Well, pupy. This is more training for you to understand the secret of sorcery."

The secret of sorcery? I assumed there was some kind of secret but never delved into the realm to find the answer.

"Well then, I can assume you won't give me clues."

He nods and sends the orbs my way by thrusting his hand forward. I stamp my feet on the ground and leap over one , placing my hand over another and flipping over the rest. I land and look back up to Master Guo Jia.

Find the secret to sorcery? I assumed that it was done by the object held by the sorcerer. However, currently, Master Guo Jia's scepter is nowhere to be found. Is it something on the body? Or in the person? Natural talent? Wits? What could it b-

OW!

I found myself on the receiving end of a wave of orbs, not exactly going easy on me. After catching myself after the hit I begin to watch Master Guo Jia carefully.

He summons the orbs so easily, that you can't really tell if he's truly focusing. But he must for there to be so many! I duck and jump over them again as he rapidly throws herd of orbs at me. I can't exactly process to much, but It starts to get easier to dodge.

Not every person can accomplish sorcery can they? Certain warriors tap into their inner wisdom and still can't even make the wind blow. It must be something that humans have to have certain others be able to use it so easily. What is it?

An orb hits violently knocks me off of my feet as I had jumped away. I fall and quickly look back up to see more directly above me. I quickly bounce myself back up and roll away from them. Wait!

So far from all the sorcerers I've seen in my life, what did they all have in common. They all were leisurely, calming in their own way. They all have some sort of item them use in case for physical fighting. They all certainly are wise and smart. But they all have this way of manipulating and attacking problems.

Wait- _'_ _ **Guo Jia's 'aura' is that of manipulation'**_

An 'aura' is something connected to the soul, correct? Then the answer is-

 _ **In the Soul!**_

I forcefully leap and roll my way from the onslaught of orbs. I dash my way to MAster Guo Jia and Dodge any orbs he hurls at me. I slide and leap over more and then tackle him down, earning a grunt from him. I straddle him and place my hands roughly on the earth beside his head.

"The answer is in the soul!"

I didn't mean to yell, but my confidence was strong, and I proved that my staring him deep in the eyes. Master Guo Jia's face was surprised at face, then switching into an endearing smile.

"Yes, it is Xu Shu. You passed the test."

I feel elation gather in me and I can't help but smile. But then I realize...I had tackled him down and am right now straddling him.

I repeat- _I had tackled him down and now I am STRADDLING him!_

 _Oh Heaven's if only time could rewind!_

I quickly lift myself off of him and fire rapid apologies at him. I can't believe I got so into it I did that.

He sits up calmly and fixes his hair calmly.

"It surprised me. You were so confident and so very happy. It was cute."

"C-Cute?"

I couldn't help but stutter. I didn't exactly know how else to react. Master Guo Jia stands up and dusts himself off. Picking up the book, he flipped through a few pages and then turned to me.

"Now, for your surprise."

...Wait, what?

"We are making a campaign back to LuoYang. I have a strategy that will help us get there with minimal battles and minimal casualties."

He smiles confidently, and then points the book to me.

"You, Xu Shu, will lead a squadron and ensure the safety, of Lord Xiahou Dun."

 _Wait, what?!_

"And the conditions lies as, I need you to use any sort of sorcery in this campaign. "

 _WAIT,WHAT?!_

 **[A/N] Oh….La Shi! Xu Shu has his work cut out for him! I hope you guys enjoyed this nice dosage of their relationship. Of course it's only a sip for it's not time yet. Yes, I know I made Guo Jia a bit….*Ahem* but don't worry it adds to the plot! Also, Yes, I know having sorcery come from the soul sounds cheesy but it works because it's Dynasty Warriors. I hope you enjoyed! See you next chapter!**


	13. Tapping into One's Soul

Deep breath in, and out. Listen to the soothing element of nature. The light whistling of the wind, the rustling of leaves and bushes., the warmth of the sunlight, even the rushing current nearby. All of those things exist, on our plain. The plain of reality, the depth of the things we touch and feel. Gentle, smooth, rough, hard, all things that exist in our plain and acts as ways for us to comply with life. Life itself isn't an object, it's a time, a momentary present. And like all time it can pass before we even know it. Like all presents it can be stolen. These things keeps everything in balance and with that balance we can-

SMASH!

"Huh?!" My eyes snap open and I look around. I'm still in a small clearing in the forest that I had found nearby the base. I look around cautiously, and stand with my sword and hook. I let out a sigh.

"There goes my mediation."

I hope down from the boulder I'm perched on and walk toward the sound that had disrupted me. I push through some bushes to see Lord Xiahou Dun practicing with his Podao.

He lets out a yell as he slashes side to side and then slams his sword to the ground. Upon rising he does a horizontal slice with a flame decorating the edge of his sword. Luckily, no trees are close to him, so no forest fire can happen.

He….he used sorcery!

I stood there dumbfounded to see that even Lord Xiahou Dun can do sorcery.

"Are you just gonna stand there?"

His voice cuts through the sounds sharper than his blade and I tense up. Gulping to myself, I walks from behind the bushes more into his sight. He lowers his weapon and looks at me from over his shoulder.

"Hello, Lord Xiahou Dun. Sorry to bother you."

"Hmph."

He still doesn't seem too fond of me, but I have to protect him in this upcoming campaign, I should have us make some sort of connection.

"My lord, I...I didn't know you could do sorcery."

"Of course I can."

I can see why his sorcery his fire, his every neglection of an actual conversation could burn even the brightest flames. I press further.

"Could you maybe...give me some advice?"

He turns to me, face scrunched up with confusion and annoyance.

"I mean, you seem very experienced and those flames you summoned were amazing. Do you have any advice for me?"

He sighs and turns towards me, stabbing his sword deeply into the soil. He crosses his arms and stares at me seemingly uninterested.

"Can you really not do sorcery...of any kind."

I shake my head, " Up until now I've only been using my own physical prowess to excel and survive. But now, I feel as if I need to learn it."

He closes his eyes and sighs once again, this time in a more audible way. I can tell I'm annoying him, but this way I could learn how to do sorcery as well as make him at least willing to trust me.

He looks over at me and nods.

"I'll do it, but If i catch you slacking your head is mine."

I nod to him and watch as he marches his way over. there's something about his stride even though he's unarmed that makes me shiver a little.

He stops right in front of me and he sits down, cross-legged. He pats his knee and glares at me.

"Sit." he spits venom with the one command.

I do so quickly, matching his pose.

"Obviously to do sorcery, you have to understand your soul. Understand yourself and your surroundings. "

"Yes, sir."

"Take deep breaths, and close your eyes."

I do every command slowly and melodically. Thinking about my every move.

"Good. Now block out everything else."

My eyes open, reflexively I look at Lord Xiahou Dun with confusion.

"Wait, I must understand my surrounding but block them out?"

"Did I stutter?" another rancid poison laced in his voice.

I tense up again and shake my head. I close my eyes again and try to do as he said. Though, I feel no closer. This is what I was doing earlier, except accepting the surrounding and seeing them without seeing them.

"You're too tense. Calm down."

My shoulders slightly jerk with his voice. I couldn't help the nervousness. I slightly start to wish I had asked someone else.

I hear him sigh and stand up. I open one eye and look back up to him. I couldn't help but be confused.

"My Lord?"

"Keep your eyes closed, go back to concentrating."

I do so, but failing still.

"Now, Xu Shu. You can't move."

Can't move? What does that mean? I try to push the thoughts out and concentrate on myself and blocking out everything. However-

SLAM!

My eyes snap open and I see Lord Xiahou dun's sword beside me. He had sliced cleanly right beside me. Missing my leg only slightly. I stare at him and suck in my breath, in fear of his next move.

"See? You're still focusing too much on the outside."

I began to pant, the intensity of the past moment passing. He pulls his sword away effortlessly, and lays it on his shoulder.

"The way into everyone's soul is different. Find the way into your own."

And he simply walks away, carrying his sword on his shoulder, leaving me in disbelief and shock from the attack. I look up to see that the sun is starting to go down.

"I should head back to the base."

When I had walked back in Most soldiers were in the dining hall, enjoying a good dinner and drink. I instead make my way for Master Guo jia's tent, hoping to get some advice on this topic. I mean he must be at least willing to help me, right?

"Sorry no clues or hints from me. Sorry puppy."

I don't know what I had expected, but it should have been this. I sigh as He flips through the pages of his book leisurely and I leave, knowing I can't get anything here.

I end up flopping back onto my makeshift bed, staring at the roof of my tent, trying to think.

"Everyone's soul is different, thus, they are tapped into differently."

So, how do I tap into _my_ soul. That isn't exactly a simple request. Tapping into one's soul usually means, coming to terms and accepting everything about oneself. But...I can't do that.

The memories flood, breaking open a damn which I had though was long rebuilt. The memories of my mother's crying face, Lu Huang, Jiang Ping, Lu Shan, and Mei. The village in general runs through my mind. From when I had first arrived and felt warmth from the small hustle and bustle, to the moments when I saw it devoured in wretched flames. I lift my hand and place it on my burn wound, applying slight pressure to it through my clothes. My breath hitched as the reminiscent pain came.

I use my other hand to cover my face with, regretting even getting onto the topic. My eyes shut, forcefully trying to recover from this severe mood drop, but I can't.

I did nothing but run away, what kind of soul do I have if that's all I can do?

I toss and turn, unable to shake the heartache. I could barely feel the air entering my body, let alone the blood coursing through it. It's like everything shut down, but someone I'm still alive. My thoughts roamed rapidly, and they couldn't focus on one traumatic event. But then I saw it again-

The man I had killed, the _only_ man I've killed. His appearance is still so very clear in my head. He was slightly older, his face scattered with wrinkles and he had subtle facial hair. His hair was long and held back by a ponytail and his eyes at the time looked as if they were grey. His voice cracked as he shouted and begged for his life. He fought, meekly against my advancements and I quickly had him cornered. All I had to do was lift my sword and-

SPLURT!

My eyes snap open, breath taken away from me as I looked around. My surrounding wasn't the Wei camp tent any more. In fact I wasn't even in a tent. I sit up and observe the area better. I touch my chest as I try to catch my breath, to noticed that I am shirtless. I look down at my bare torso and it was normal, nothing was different, other than.

My wound was gone.

I felt my side desperately, trying to find answers.

"Please don't!"

I turn to the voice to see a man fall through a red regal door. He had hit the ground and quickly looked up and backed away meekly from the doorway. He was wailing and held up his hand as if to detour the source. I look up to see…

….me?

In fact, it was when I was younger, my body was slightly slender and My hair was slightly longer than what I have now. My face was free from hair and I walked to him in commoner clothing. In my hand there was...a sword.

" _Wait! No, stop!" I shouted but my voice was audible, It's as if I was nothing._

Soon the man had reached a corner, bumping his back onto it. Unable to move away he looked around rapidly. He grabs a small bag and throws it at young me, but I slice through it cleanly. My footsteps drawing closer.

" _Stop it!"_

"P-please, I'll do anything! Anything you want? It's yours!"

I had cornered him, he stared up into me with his tremble tearful eyes. She shook with his every breath ad he couldn't even speak too clearly.

"A-Anything! I promise! P-Please!"

" _Don't do this...Spare him, please!"_

I raised my sword, slowly. He lifted his arms and with one fell slice.

"NOOO!"

"Shan Fu!"

I sat up and grasped for nothing. My breathing ragged and I held onto my chest. I look around to find myself in my tent again. I touch the makeshift bed under me, trying to process what had happened.

"A dream?"

My voice trembled and fell meekly into the atmosphere. My breath started to calm and I found myself staring blankly at the tent wall.

"Hey Xu Shu, you okay in there?"

That voice. I attempt to shake off the nightmare and pay attention to the voice outside.

"No Lord Xiahou Yuan, I am fine."

"Are you sure? We heard screaming."

I stand up and walk over to my tent 'door'. Lifting it up, I walk out to greet the officers checking on me.

It was Lord Xiahou Yuan and Lord Cao Ren. I respectfully, bow to them.

"Thank you for your concern. However, I can assure you I am alright."

I stand back up and they smile at me nicely. Xiahou Yuan patting my shoulder.

"Making sure, can't have our new strategist falling under the weather now, can we?"

I chuckle and Lord Cao Ren steps forward.

"Oh, speaking of which, Xu Shu. Lord Guo Jia has asked for your audience, we came to get you."

I nod, "I see. I'll head to him straight away."

After we all exchange goodbyes, they walk away, and I make my way to Master Guo Jia. Before I see him though I must check something.

My hand touches the area where my burn wound is and I apply pressure.

 _Good, it hurts._

 **[A/N] WELP! THERE"S SOME FEELS FOR YA! I mean this story is angst and I seem to specialize in it. Poor puppy, tapping into your soul is harder than you think when you mostly remember regret in your life. But don't worry he'll do just finnnnne~. Also I'm sorry if having the memory description and thenhim** _ **reliving**_ **the memory was a bit redundant. But I wanted to give it that feel of** _ **'his thinking about it triggered the memory to accurately replay, and give him an 'out of body' experience**_ **Anyway, sorry for the lack of Guo Jia but this chapter was mostly to focus on his relations with other warriors. Not much but still enough. Thank you for reading! See you next chapter!**


	14. The Word of You

I walked into Master Guo Jia's tent, to find him relaxing. Instead of his usual regal-looking clothes, he adorned a plain white robe. He sat in his chair, with his legs effortlessly crossed and as he reads a book on strategy.

I step in quietly, in an attempt to not disturb him.

"Ah, I'm glad my message got to you."

I bow to his respectfully, and watch as he closes the book and lays t back down on the desk.

"What did you need Master Guo Jia?"

He reaches and pulls out a drawer from his desk, pulling out a long sheet of paper. He lays it on his desk and makes a motion for me to come over.

I come over, and look at the paper, It was a map of the land. Master Guo Jia stands and points to the province of Xinye, where we are now.

"Xu Shu, as a traveller you know many shortcuts throughout the land correct?"

"Well, I know of many shortcuts throughout the north. "

He smiles at me, and hold his finger on our place on the map.

"Do you know of any, shortcuts, towards LuoYang," He slide his finger on the map to the province of Luoyang and I observe the map.

Well, Xinye and LuoYang aren't too far apart, It's a bit of a ways due to the provinces in between. Since LuoYang sits in the northern center of the land, It's slightly harder to reach, but it's still accessible. There are some roads off of the forest than can quicken the journey if need be, but those tend to be more littered with more problems than solutions. I dig into my memory, there must be a way, to get through to LuoYang quickly.

But then it clicked, the road off of the village. If you continue to follow it leads to more paths that connect to LuoYang easily. It's wide enough to move an entire army but narrow enough, to not be the smartest place for large battles. And there are plenty of places for strategic ambushes.

"Well, if we were to head west from here, we would come to the remnants of a small village," I use my finger and drag it to the area I speculate the village could be on the map, "Once we pass through it we can cross these woods and follow the northwest path to the borders of LuoYang."

I repeat the path in my mind, imagine the luscious forest and the green of nature. I can see the path and it certainly makes sense.

I see Master Guo Jia pushed his index finger to his lips and he nods. He looks much more serious than usual, is this how he normally is?

"I see. Xu shu, are there any hills or valleys?"

I nod, "Sometimes the path derails onto higher ground, I think those would be smart places to put certain squadrons to avoid a wide scale ambush."

He nods in agreement, "Precisely, that's what I think so too. But we should also have a squadron behind the army, in case of pincer attack. If we were to be attacked from any side while traversing, that would cause panic and it would drastically lower the army's morale."

I watch as he calculates everything precisely in his mind. He barely moved, seemingly like a colored statue.

"Even more so we need Lord Cao Cao to be with the main army. To keep up their morale, with incentive as well."

I nod, as I watch him. He looks to me and smiles.

"Xu Shu, you and Xiahou Dun's squad will be on the up hill to the east. I will pair everyone up accordingly and when the war council happens I will inform the others.

"Yes, Master Guo Jia."

I then pick up the map looking at it one more time. It's very flimsy and has a few tears in the paper. But it's still accurate and usable.

"Thank you for your assistance Xu Shu."

I look up from the map and turn to MAster Guo jia.

"Oh no, I was only trying to he-"

 _Huh?_

I feel something soft, but firm. It was pressing against my lips and I reflexively, attempt to close my mouth. Though, when I did that it changed to being slightly wet. The surface dragged across my lips and it made me shiver. I finally seem to piece together my logic and truly look. Shock had filled me.

 _Master Guo Jia is-!_

My body moved on its own. I roughly pushed him away. The map had flown out of my hands and drifted onto the floor. Master Guo Jia tried to catch himself but he ended up falling onto the floor. I step back, unable to piece together what had just happened. Reflexively, I use my hand to cover my mouth.

I see Master Guo Jia, struggling as he weakly, pushes his body up from the ground. His usually perfectly done blonde hair now messy, from the landing. He turned to me, his bangs laying in his face, wildly. His hazel eyes peeking from under them.

He lets out a quiet chuckle, and I step back again cautiously. My eyes were glued to him, and my body couldn't help but move away.

"Didn't enjoy that puppy?" his voice seemed to hold some pain into it.

I bolted out of the tent, not knowing where to go or what to do. The camp was dark, as the night sky loomed over my head. Though, my mind couldn't focus on what I was doing. It was too busy racing from the fact that Guo Jia kissed me!

 _Guo Jia kissed me!_

I ended up stopping and leaning against a nearby tree. I struggle to catch my breath as My hands rub against my lips. I couldn't believe what had happened and how fast it had happened.

 _What….do i do now?_

Days had passed and Master Guo Jia never brought up the kiss. I couldn't help but attempt to avoid him. He already usually made me cautious or nervous but now I could barely handle being in a room alone with him. My routine had changed from being with him every second, to trying to find any excuse to **not** be in the same room with him. But whenever we were forced into one room together, he acted normally, but I couldn't do the same.

 _And the war council had only made it worse._

Due to me helping him come up with the strategy, I had to explain the route to the warriors and the basic essence of the plan. Everyone was kind enough to give me their undivided attentions and they asked questions. I felt like a teacher a little.

Master Guo Jia had separated everyone into their groups and like i expected,Lord Xiahou Dun and I were in a group. Upon hearing the arrangement, he had turned to me and nodded to me. Making me tense up alittle but nod back.

After the council, everyone had dispersed and I quickly left the room. I don't know how i am avoiding Master Guo Jia so well, but I somehow make it work. But i'm sure everyone has noticed me doing this.

Just then I feel a hand slap the back of my head. I jerk a little, but turn to see Jia Xu and Zhang He. The former looking at me with bored eyes and the latter dancing to his 'audience '.

"Whats going on with you? You dashed out of the council room so quick."

I awkwardly chuckle and smile at him. "Well it was my first council,It made me nervous."

Zhang He twirls and faces me with a seemingly orchestral pose.

"Doesn't seem like it. You weren't beautiful but you spoke clearly and understandably. But you left the council most ungracefully.

I look away trying to find a way to change the subject.

"Youve been avoiding Lord Guo Jia too." Jia Xu's voice was laced with concern.

I knew they noticed, Of course they would notice. Master Guo Jia isn't exactly unknown. There was no way out of this topic, I know that. Jia Xu has his ways of prying and Zhang He isn't exactly slow either.

I sigh, looking at them both as they pause and stare into me. I awkwardly, rub the back of my head and look to the side.

"Um, well…"

I feel a pat on my back and I turn to see-

"Xu Shu, a word about the plan."

"M-master Guo Jia." I step back, a bit caught off guard by his presence. I can't help but look back at Jia Xu and Zhang He, who were now observing my actions deeply. I stand straight and nod to Master Guo Jia and bow to them both.

He led me off, while he held his scepter. I awkwardly followed him, as he led me elsewhere. Before I knew it we were in the forest. Was this another 'surprise'?

He turns back to me, and flashes his usual smile.

"I heard Lord Xiahou Dun had assisted you on unlocking your sorcery."

I nod, keeping my eyes on the shorter blonde man.

"I know I originally said that I wouldn't help you, However, I don't think Xiahou Dun was the ideal tutor."

 _He really wasn't._

"What did he tell you?"

I blink and recall the events of that day.

"Well, He told me to focus on myself and my surroundings, but also block out my surroundings. And don't let anything disturb me."

Master Guo Jia held the specter as he crossed his arms and put his free hand on his chin. He thought and looked to the side to do so. I can't help but be cautious of him, staring at his figure.

My eyes traversed his face, scanning the soft texture of his hair, the smooth paleness of his cheeks, then to his lips. His lips seemed to be the source of his manipulation 'aura', He has this way of talking in a sweet coo that lured in people. Even his smiles seemed manipulation enduing.

"Well then, His advice isn't useless, but there is surely more to it. Sit with me."

I rip my eyes away from his face, to find him sitting on the grass calmly. I quickly follow his actions, having pieced together what he had said.

"Now, Xu Shu, you mustn't think. Tapping into your soul should come naturally, with no need for artificial thoughts."

I closed my eyes, attempting to blank my mind.

"Good, now recall who you are. Explore the memories in the deepest crevices of your mind. Recall your discrepancies and your victories."

Memories flooded in. I see Shan Fu, a young boy, using a small branch as a sword. He slashes wildly and childishly at bushes. His mother comes after him, lifting him up into the sky. It skips, he is older now, holding a real sword that's made for fencing. His stance is better and he moves very quickly, even for his age. He is praised by a local man. Another skip, he is covered in blood, a dead body lays in front of him and he dashes out of an aristocrats room. The soldiers find him. Another skip, He is chained and tied onto a carriage, the soldiers drag him around town. Shouting obscenities and questions for his identity, no answer, but a crying woman. Another skip, he leaves her side, cuts his hair and now wanders the roads.

"Recall all the things that made you who you are. Then try to add it all up to one word"

I see Xu Shu, studying and taking up a whole table at a library, he smiles and enjoys the new array of books. Skip, I then see him fighting off bandits, they attempt to slow him down, but his speed is above all. He defeats them easily, without taking a single life. Another skip, I see Zhuge Liang, he and Xu Shu play strategy games. Even though he never wins he enjoys himself even more. Zhuge Liang also seems happy. Skip, He enters a small village, everyone seems nice and he makes friends quickly. He meets Lu Huang and his family. He even meets and enjoy Pang Tong's company. Skip, Fire. All he saw was fire, death and flames and a small girl named Mei. She cried and Xu Shu had almost died to save her.

"Xu Shu?"

He encounter Lu Shan, he graciously saves his life. He goes on for months living with him, again enjoying his company, even in mourning.

"Hey, Xu Shu."

Skip, he leaves Lu Shan and Mei behind. Though it ends up with a confrontation between him and Lu Shan. He defeated him, but at what cost?

"Xu Shu!"

My eyes snap open, I feel the wetness on my cheeks My vision was blurred, and I realized I was crying. I didn't move at all, because it finally pieced together.

"Woe.." My voice was weak and the word cracked.

Master Guo Jia stares at me with concern and scoots closer and take his hand close to me. I blink and realize what was happening and I swat his hand away reflexively.

I use the same hand to wipe my face and regain my composure.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you aw-"

"No... _I'm_ sorry."

I look at the blonde man silently, his hazel eyes and usual smile seemed to be different. They were twinged with something, akin to pain. He rises from the grass and begins to walks past me. I watch him walk off.

"Now all you must do is apply 'woe' into a physical form. That's the secret. Good luck."

And, like usual, he was gone and I was left with nothing but tired eyes and a confused expression.

"Apply woe into a physical form?"

 _How could I possibly do that?_

 **[A/N] WELP! You do not know how happy I am that I could finally have that kiss scene happen! I know it's isn't exactly typed in such a 'world-breaking way' but That's the point! Xu Shu's eyes seemed to falter and he couldn't exactly comprehend what was happening! I LOVE IT! Meanwhile a further dip into the 'Soul tapping mission' here's some more about '** _ **His first Life'**_ **(get it ^^) Wish our puppy some luck! See you next chapter!**


	15. When Thunder Comes

"Alright gather your supplies. We are leaving soon."

No wonder it's hard to lead an entire army, suddenly the numerical amount of Wei's troops was hundreds of me carrying supplies on their back and in theirs made noticing the amount easier. Some soldiers had began to carry m tent and as all the warriors prepared their weapons and such. I cleaned my sword and hook quietly as I sat under a tree. I didn't want to get in the way of the soldiers.

I see a foot lightly kick my thigh, Looking up to see Lord Xiahou Dun being the owner of that foot. He looks down at me as he held his sword on his shoulder easily.

"Are you ready to head out?"

I nod and stand up, lifting my blue hood and wrapping the ribbon around my hand a couple of times so the hook can dangle safely.

We stride over to our post on the northeast wing of the army. Our job was to derail onto higher ground and guard us from ambushes. As well as it's my job to ensure Xiahou Dun's safety.

All of the soldier dn experienced warriors gather to hear Lord Cao Cao's speech. Master Guo Jia and Jia Xu stood to either side of him as he stood in front of us all. His eyes peer and observe the faces of his army.

"My men, Let us go. Back to LuoYang where my ambitions shall born new fruit!" He lifts his sword and all the soldiers lift up any object in their hands.

Master Guo Jia bows and summons a few orbs that circle around him.

"Let us go everyone." he announces and the march started. I walk ahead of my squad, due to me knowing the are fairly well. However, I decided it would be best to stay with the army mostly, at least until the path cuts off.

The march wasn't a snail's pace but it was hard nonetheless due to all the men. Morale stayed strong as Lord Cao Cao would spout inspiration dialogue every now and then.

I couldn't stop thinking about how I'm going to use sorcery. How can 'Woe' become physical? What should I do to make it do so. I don't understand it.

A sigh escapes my lips, as I keep walking.

"Is something wrong, Xu Shu?"

I turn to look at Xiahou Dun as he walks only somewhat behind me. For once his voice wasn't spoken with an underlying insult.

"No I'm fine." I say as I keep moving ahead.

He click his tongue as we keep walking.

Soon we make it to the remnants of the village. This all-too-familiar area quickly because questionable but some warriors. Even after the villages flaming fall I had visiter here, making myself hidden to not be found by Lu Shan and/or Mei. The flames had taken everything, nothing is left but a burnt ground and slight remnants of homes. The Wei army traverse through the ruined village cautiously, avoiding all dangers. I lowered my hood even further, attempting to ignore the ruined area in general. Even now, years later I can't handle even thinking about this village. There's no point in me even trying to look at it.

I had sped up, having my squad move forward to keep up with me, the men looking confused. I didn't bother to look at the possible sour expression on Lord Xiahou Dun's face. Once my feet, finally made contact with luscious green grass again, I lifted my eyes and quickly continued down the path.

By the time we finally reached the derailing path way it had became night time and we all set up camp in our post. On Top of the higher east hill, Lord Xiahou Dun and I had setted up camp as we left our squad with the other soldiers for their safety.

I laid on my side, the makeshift bed not exactly being comfortable.I groan at my inability to sleep, knowing that if I don't get any I won't exactly be helpful to anyone. Yawning, I turned back and started at the roof of my tent. My eyes close and I allow my mind to drift. Soon sleep starts to creep onto me until I heard.

ROAR!

My eyes snap open and I sit up alarmingly quick. I quickly put on my robe and grab my weapon dn run out of my tent.

 _Lord Xiahou Dun was on duty!_

After leaving my tent I see a dead tiger body in front of me. I step back, unable to process as the carcass stares into me. It was sliced open, gruesomely too.

I look up and past it to see a ground of Ice Tigers. They all surrounded Xiahou Dun, but he held his sword high, not faltering or showing fear. He slices and blocks the class of another. I run over and slices it's arm off. It screams horrifically and jumps back. I spin my blade and get a better grip on it.

"Was wondering when you were gonna wake up from your nap."

"Sorry for the wait, then."

I stand behind him and lift my sword to the beasts. We take small steps to the side, circling in the center of the wild ambush.

"Any bright ideas? _Apprentice?"_

I look around to the Ice tigers. They seem to be getting more feral and are cautiously following our movements. My breath is near nonexistent as I think of a strategy to keep us alive.

"Lord Xiahou Dun, how strong is your fire sorcery?"

"Pretty strong, why?"

"What melts ice?"

He seemed to catch on pretty quickly to what I meant and I quickly get ready, the tigers seemed cognitive enough to realize that I was about to act. They leap at me, I slice one head on and start to fight them off. I hear the growls and whimpers of tigers behind me, letting me know that he is also on the offensive. I do my best to keep them somewhat near Lord Xiahou Dun as he does the same. Nce they were all in a little window I leap up high.

"Now!"

Xiahou Dun slices horizontally and causes a ring of fire to burst around him. The tigers are blown back and burnt awfully. I launch my hook and pull myself onto a distant tree, to avoid being burnt in the process.

I land and look back to see Xiahou dun still slicing fire-filled blows to the tigers, the ones who are somehow still alive are backing away cautiously as he slowly makes his to them. Then a white wave of energy shot itself to Xiahou Dun and instantly his legs were frozen.

"No!" I stand frantically, thinking of a way to stop this!

A tiger leaps forward and bites deeply into Xiahou dun's shoulder, he screams in pain but punches it with his free arm. I see the blood flow and I panic even more so. I didn't know what to do but I couldn't stand back!

My body moved on its own, Forcefully leaping far from the tree over to the me sat the small leftover pack of tiger sna lord Xiahou Dun struggling.

"Xu Shu! Xiahou Dun!"

My sword gripped tightly in my arm and I felt overwhelming power surge in me. I force my body to flip as I launched the sword to the ground.

CRASH!

A large flash of light had hit the ground, erupting violently and leaving only an essence of blue and purple. I land on the ground as the tiger once on Xiahou Dun ran off, whimpering.

The random effects still lingered, as spark flew off of my hands and the blue and purple accents seemed to center on my sword. I stare at my hand helplessly.

"What did I-"

"Quick get Lord Xiahou Dun, to the medic!"

I turn to see Lord Guo Jia ordering soldiers as they help Xiahou Dun up. His shoulder was bleeding but he held a smug smirk on his face as he faced me.

"Now was that so hard?" He coughs and spits out blood as if this was casual.

They carry him away before I could reply and Master Guo Jia strides over to me, as if he had tunnel vision. His hand violently pushes itself onto my chest and I find myself slightly stepping back. I catch my balance and look down to him, flinching.

His face seemed sinister at first but after a deep breath it changed to an endearing smile.

"I swear, you are the hardest puppy to train."

"U-um Master Guo Jia."

He sighs and moves closer and puts his head on my chest. I flinch even more at this, but don't move to push him away.

"Are you alright?"

He sighs once more and his hand moves up my chest and rests on my shoulder.

"It seems I'm getting old. I'm just..tired."

He weakly relaxes against my body and I let him. My hands twitched as they rise. I place them on his upper back gently. They were trembling but as I felt his back slightly rise and fall with his every breath, they relaxed. I breathed slower to so he could relax even more.

Wait?...was hat...a snore? I look down at his face to see that he has fallen asleep. I sigh and decide that I should take him back. I Take the hand he has on my chest and put his arm around my shoulders. I hold his side as I walk his sleeping body back to the tents.

I think about the sorcery I accomplished, letting it piece together that my soul created thunder…

 _Woe and Thunder? I don't quite understand._

 **[A/N] You're not supposed to understand dear! I'm sorry Xiahou Dun lovers! (I am one but) This had to happen for character development! Also I wanted to improve their relationship a little bit more! And Yes I incorporated his Musou attack! Likey? Anyway I hope you enjoyed, See you next chapter!**


	16. Upon Returning to a New Home

A week had passed and we had arrived to LuoYang. The citizens seemed nice and they waved as our men walked by. They praised Lord Cao Cao but he keeps his eyes forward and walked beside a bandaged up Xiahou Dun. I stayed in the back beside Jia Xu as Master Guo Jia walked directly behind Lord Cao Cao.

Jia Xu waves to the people as I look around, admiring the structure and the people.

"Like it here?" Jia xu's voice causes me to turn to him.

I nod, "Yes, everyone here seems so friendly."

"Then maybe you should do a bit of work to break out of that shell."

I look away, knowing what he meant.

"Beside. I think we know who might force you to."

I look up to see the profile of Master Guo Jia, accepting a gift from an elderly lady. He smiled effortlessly, as he pat a child's head. He seemed to be awfully popular.

A sigh escapes me and I keep moving with Jia Xu, following the other soldiers.

We ended up at a large building, seemingly like a castle as Lord Cao Cao turns to his men. Upon his turn everyone stood straight and place their hand on their chest. I do the same.

"Men….we made it home."

The men cheered and celebrated at that simple phrase. Hugs were shared, plans were made, and the door finally opened.

People poured in quickly leaving only the high ranking warriors around. Lord Cao Cao nods to them and they all slowly enter. I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn to it. My eyes meet hazel.

"Xu Shu, come along now. I must show you to your room."

"My room?"

He nods and makes a 'follow me' motion. When he walks I follow him as he calmly walks up the flights of stairs in the large open hall. The stairs we sturdy and there were small blue rugs on each. On each wall there was the flag on Wei and guards stood at certain doors. It was truly like a castle.

After 3 flights of stairs he makes a sharp right turn, I follow his lead.

"This is the council hall. Where the strategies are made and home to our library. This is the hall where Jia Xu and I sleep. And now you as well."

I nod, absorbing every word he spoke. The hallway wasn't very long and each door was identical, being a dark brown and sturdy. He stops in front of the last one and opens it, walking in quietly.

I turn and look inside, the room was large! The bed inside was against a wall in front of the window. There was a veil around it though, stopping the sunlight from going all over the room. There were a couple of dressers beside the doorway, that were void of anything on top. There was also another door in the distance, I'm guessing to a balcony of some kind. Though the walls and floor were all made of stone, the curtains and the bed's veil all seems to be made of silk fabric

I step in, feeling awkward and underdressed.

"Do you like it?"

Master Guo Jia, turned to me and held a hand out, as if presenting the room to me. I nod, speechless and the room's lovely layout.

"Good, because it's yours," he walks closer and pats my chest twice, "Jia Xu is right next door and I am a little down the hall to the right. If you need anything, get us."

He walks out with a wave and leaves me to my new environment. I throw my sword and hook on the dresser and open the veil to see the bed. I Turn and flop back onto it, half-expecting to feel the hard ground. I slightly, bounced from the flop and the mattress seemed to absorb me. I let out a relieved groan, enjoying the soft material.

Bringing my foot up, I untie my boots and kick them off lazily. I unhook my gauntlets and toss the to the side as well. Before I knew it I was laying the bed in only my underwear and pants. I curled up and pulled the blanket over my head.

It was dark under the blanket, but a soothing darkness. As if it was comforting me, it seemed to get warmer and I let myself drift into a sleep.

- **[Guo Jia]** -

He is so cute.

I can't help but chuckle as Xu shu's surprised face flashed in my mind. It's as if he never seen a bedroom before?

I take a walk around the castle to make sure that everyone is okay and at home. It seems to me that everyone is already taking it upon themselves to relax and enjoy being in their rooms again. I decided to make my walk for leisure and I step outside. To see Xu Zhu sitting on the steps to the garden, chomping away on some meat. He turns quickly to me, as if he was a child doing something he shouldn't have been.

"Oh Lord Guo Jia!" He swallows the meat in his mouth, "Enjoying the outside too!"

I chuckle and walk over to the stairs behind him.

"Why, yes I am Xu Zhu. I can see you're enjoying not having to worry about rations anymore."

He nods childishly, as he tears into another bite of meat. I look out and see the forest that we just came back from. Luckily, we made it back here faster than I thought. But then again, it was because of Xu Shu that we were able to travel here so fast and with so few casualties.

 _I should thank him later._

He seems to be calming down around me again. He isn't desperately running away anymore, and I even fell asleep on his chest. I didn't think he would be so frightened though. I mean-

 _It was just a kiss._

My hand uncrosses from my arm and I place my thumb onto my lips, tracing them gently as if trying to get the essence of his lips back. Ever since then I haven't enjoyed any other kisses from anyone else. The women I usually sleep with have lovely lips and I can have a generous supply of kisses. _But Xu Shu's lips-_

They felt different from any others I've had, and I've had _**a lot.**_ They were soft, delicate and he tasted pure. I only got to have a taste, now I can't help but wonder what the _whole meal_ is like.

"Lord Guo Jia?"

My seemingly racing impure thoughts came to a halt as Xu Zhu caled to me. I look down at the large man.

"Yes? Is something wrong?"

"Are you alright? You were very quiet for a while."

I chuckle and look away from him. "I was just thinking to myself-"

Cough!

Oh no…

I bring my hand up and covering my mouth from my coughing, my lungs struggled to regain control and I could feel the strain in pain. My coughing was so powerful it brought my to my knees as I desperately tried to stop.

"My Lord!"

I hol up a hand, stopping him from assisting me. After I believe that it stopped I slowly pull my and away. I look at it and see-

 _Blood._

I look up to see Xu Zhu standing above me worriedly. I stand up slowly , placing the hand behind my back as I plaster my smile onto my face once more.

"I see to be falling ill, I'll go lay down." he nods with a sad face as I quickly leave. I never thought I could walk so fast with my illness but my stride seemed unstoppable. I bolt back to my room and quickly enter and close the door. I lock it and go to wipe the blood from my hand.

Once the blood has finally left my hand I stare at it. My eyes travel to the large mirror I have across from my bed. I observe myself, my messy hair, pale face, swollen lips

 _I don't have much time left._

I undress myself and crawl into my bed, hoping to find some rest after that fit. As I curl up and close my eyes, I find my hand touching my side. I rub it gently, soothing myself into a slumber.

 **[A/N] Trying new things is FUN! Upon a suggestion from my friend/kouhai I ended up trying to switch POV's. I wanted to try to give Guo Jia some time to shine and xu Shu some time to actually experience happiness! What do you think? Should I switch POV's more often? I would love to hear your opinions! I'm glad you enjoyed! See you next chapter!**


	17. An Ill Surface

**[Xu Shu]**

My first full day in the Wei Castle. In fact it was much more quiet and reserved than I ever dreamt. No sound really came through it stone walls. Meaning, unless people were in a room together, everyone had absolute privacy.

The idea of such privacy makes me a little excited, but also anxious. I men travel around the forests of China alone and sitting in a solitary room are very different. I soon find myself starving for company, and it prompts me to leave.

I walk out and calmly knock on Jia Xu's door, hoping for an answer. I waited patiently, to see if he'll respond. Then the door creaks open quickly.

"Oh Xu Shu, didn't expect to see you here."

The man on the other side of the doorway wore a long robe and his usually head band was missing. I bowed in apology.

"I'm sorry if I interrupted your leisure time."

He shakes his head and moves to the side, allowing me to enter.

I hesitantly walk in, seeing just how different, our rooms were. His room was much more customized and he hung his weapon across from his bed. The door closes behind me and he walks and flops on his bed, who didn't have a veil like mine.

I sit on the floor across from him, observing the slightly bigger room.

"Surprised?" he asks.

I nod, "Well, yes. I didn't know you were the type to enjoy such simple pleasures."

He stretches nonchalantly. "Well, sometime the simpler things in life are the ebst. Plus I'd rather use my money to better the army than on my own selfish want for room decor."

From then on, our conversation was very casual. We had spoken about how the travels went, and what did we do when we came here. Jia Xu told me that when he returned home he went around for a walk and talked to the civilians. He got some food and came home and enjoyed a good book. I told him that I napped and went stargazing.

"You are really, _really_ fond of the stars."

I nod with a smile, "Well of course, the stars are beautiful in their own way."

He chuckles and leans back on his hands. The mattress reclines from his weight and he looks up to the ceiling.

"We should check on Lord Guo Jia."

This came from nowhere.

"Is Master Guo Jia ok?"

He lets his head fall back to down and he stares at me. His eyebrow lifted and his nostrils flared comedically.

"You mean you don't know, _puppy?"_

I flinch from the nickname, I can't help but feel a bit embarrassed.

"Know of what?'

"Master Guo Jia fell ill after returning for a short while. Xu Zhu said that he had a coughing fit and went to lay down, he hasn't been up since."

My eyes widen, a coughing fit? When returning back to the castle he seemed fine, not even a single sniffle. Maybe just a cold? It's probably just a feeble cold.

"We should check on him. " I agree.

He nods and stands up, leaving his room leaving me to follow. We make our way to Master Guo Jia's door. After a slight knock only being responded with dead silence, Jia Xu lets us n. I walked in first and looked around.

Master Guo Jia's room was the largest, and he had a large bay window sitting beside his bed. The curtains swayed gently as it was open slightly. All around the room sat paintings and scrolls with riddles on them. Many of the roms fabrics were a royal blue, including the sheet where Master Guo Jia laid under. He was silent, and he barely moved, making me a little cautious about my steps.

I hear the door close…..and an extra click. I turn to see the door shut and no Jia Xu in front of it. I walk back over to it silently and attempt to open it. It wouldn't turn!

 _Did he lock me in here?!_

I slightly panicked but held my voice to not wake up the sickly person in the bed. I knock on the door and whisper-yell.

"Jia Xu, open the door!"

He chuckles from the other side, "Sorry but that's not a part of my plan. I'll see you later."

I knock more rapidly, hoping he'll turn back around and open it, but his footsteps disappeared, and I heard a groan.

I quickly turn to see Master Guo Jia, now laying on his side, facing me. I look at his face to see the discomfort. I take notice of the placement of his hands, on under his head and another...over his heart?

I didn't understand.

I walk closer and sit down beside the bed. I sat very stiff and upright, trying to not disturb the blonde sleeping man. He sleeps very silently, for someone who's going through a cold. Could it be something else?

I reach over with a trembling hand and bring my palm to his forehead. It was warm, warmer than it should be. So he does have a cold, but wouldn't he be sniffling or coughing in his sleep?

 _I'm not a doctor though._

I sigh, throwing my theories and assumptions away. As I just watch him sleep, the silence was painful. Not even awkward but physically painful. I can't shake the worry off, but it was so silent that my eyes began to notice the subtle ways he moved so that I knew he was alive. Each rise and fall from breathing, the way his eyebrows twitched, his fingers slightly curling, I noticed these as the agonizing minutes went by.

 _I'm so worried._

I place my arms, in a crossed position, on the bed and leisurely lay my head on them. His bed was very soft, even making my arms relax from the slight pressure against them. Soon my staring turned into analyzing.

The way his blonde hair framed his face, falling delicately over his closed eyes. The was the robe he wore was on but loose enough to expose his collar bone. Even the was the hand over his heart clasps onto the robe itself. The details seemed to be seared into my brain so that even when I started to doze off, it stayed there.

 _I just...hope….he'll be…..okay…_

 **[Guo Jia]**

When I woke up, I expected to be alone. For my eyes to meet the stone was and vibrant paintings of my bedroom.

Not for me to feast my eyes on a sleeping Xu Shu beside me.

I sat up quickly, gawking at the dreamlike position he was in. His legs laid leisurely on the floor, as his arms became a pillow for him upon my mattress. He slightly snored, making the sight even more cute and uncontrollably whimsical. I swore if the slight pain wasn't still in my chest, that i was dreaming. I looked around to see if anyone else was here, but no, it was just us.

So he's calm enough now to fall asleep beside me?

I feel a warm feeling in my heart and I scoot closer. I reach out, and brush my knuckles against his raven hair. After realizing this gesture wasn't enough to wake him, I use it to my advantage.

I never thought I would spend a late morning, petting a sleeping 'puppy' while laying in bed. He seemed comfortable, and his head slightly leaned into my soft rubbing. If only he whimpered that would make this perfect.

The warm feeling never left, neither did the pain but they coexisted in my heart. But I watched him sleep with adoring eyes, ruffling his surprisingly soft hair with my hand. And it all was perfect-

What about I experiment with something?

I can't help but smirk as I lean over to the sleeping man and get close to the showing ear. I lean as close as I can without adding to the pain, and breath in and-

 _Fwoo..._

" **AH!"**

I chuckle as I see his eyes snap open as he falls back and scoots away from the bed. Chuckling turned to laughter as he looked around with frantic eyes. And laughter turned to coughing. I use my hand to block it as my coughing seemed to sound reminiscent to wheezing. As it starts to calm down I feel a hand on my back, as if supporting me. I look up with a struggling breath and see Xu Shu staring at me with eyes of complete worry.

I sat there shocked as I stared into his dark brown eyes. He then opened his mouth to say something.

"Are you alright Mas-"

I don't know why but I reflexively reached out a pinched his nose.

His eyes shut tight and I chuckle again after quickly letting go. He looks at me as he lightly touches his nose and sits on the ground beside me.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. You just looked so cute."

His eyes widen again and his cheek turn a slight pink at my comment. I smile at his innocent reaction.

 _So cute._

He sighs and looks back up to me.

"Are you alright?"

I nod, "Yes, I'm fine. Just a little cold. Nothing I can't-"

 _Huh?_

I feel a gently pressure on my cheek and he pulls his hand away. Instinctively, I cup my cheek and stare at him in surprise. He flashes me a confident smile.

"That's a little bit of payback."

I can't help but laugh again as he joined me. The warm feeling my heart grew even more as Xu Shu spent quite a few hours with me. I know it was because he wanted to make sure I was ok, but I wanted to believe otherwise.

I don't think I've enjoyed someone's company like this for a very long time. But there was one thing I wanted to know-

"Was my kiss really that bad?"

He stiffened up quickly and looked away with panicked eyes. I stared at him, using my eyes to demand an answer.

At first he stumbles over his words but then he manages to push out an answer-

"That was the first time...I ever kissed a man."

I went silent, a little surprised at the response, I mean has he never experimented?

"Was I a bad first?"

He shakes his head and looks away even more, using his slightly gloved hand to cover his lips.

"It just...shocked me. I didn't know how to react."

I smile with relief, glad that he didn't hate it.

"What about you Master Guo Jia?"

"Oh?...Well I have quite a bit of experience with both genders."

He seemed surprised at my answer but I simply pulled my hair to the side and continued on.

"The concept of gender, never really bothered me. And I don't' mind either. I maximize my fun this way."

"Maximize your fun?...you mean sex?"

I nod, "You sound as if you've never had sex before?"

He went silent….wait-

"Have you?"

More silence, but he looks away, and the answer is clear then.

 _Dear Heavens this puppy will be the end of me._

I drop the subject with a fake cough. "Xu Shu you should go eat. The men are probably waiting."

He nods and stands up as he rubs the back of his head.I give him the key so he can unlock the door and he makes his way for it. But I have one last request-

"Xu Shu."

"Yes Mas-"

"When we're alone, call me Guo Jia, alright?"

He turns to me with a surprised face, but it switches to a pleased smile and he nods.

"Rest well, Guo Jia." and he left.

And for the first time in awhile, I felt a warm feeling in my heart without the coexistence of pain.

 **[A/N] AHHHHHHHHHH! I LOVE IT!. chapter 16 more like WATCH THEM SLOWLY FALL IN LOVE! I'm sorry but I wanted to put out a casual chapter (typed in one class) to improve their relationship a lot! Did it work! Also GUO JIA IS A SINNAMON ROLL CONFIRMED! Anyway See you next chapter!**


	18. A New Promise

**[Xu Shu]**

Guo Jia and I have continue our old relationship. But it seems...much more friendlier. We often poke fun at one another (Mostly him at me but still.) and even eat our lunches in solitary with each other. I'm still getting used to the feeling of his name without any title on my tongue. But it feels nice.

 _But I must still be careful._

I don't want anything to happen to him. So far through my life, whenever I get close to someone they either die or I disappoint them.

 _I don't want to do that to Guo Jia._

I find myself walking down the hall of the library, holding 7 books carefully, as they come up to my chin. My each step are carefully calculated to prevent the books from falling.

I feel a hard smack on my back, pushing me forward making me drop some books. I gasp as I try to catch it but fail miserably, looking back at the owner of the hand.

"Xu Shu, you seem to be getting used to Wei."

"Lord Xiahou Dun, how are you today?"

The large man crosses his slightly bandage arm over the other and walks to my side, watching as I pick the book back up carefully.

"Well, I saw you walking and I decided to talk to you. Is my company unwelcomed?"

I shake my head as I readjust the positions of the books. "Not at all my lord."

He chuckles and starts to walk with me.

"I'm guessing today you and Guo Jia will be talking about more strategies?"

I nod, " In fact today he is going to allow me to test more of my sorcery."

He nods and looks at the pile of books, softly patting them so I don't drop them.

"Ah yes, your thunder," I nod and he chuckles, "I have to say that it surprised me."

"Surprised you?"

He looks forward and strides a little in front of me and runs a hand in his feathered black hair.

"I never could think a quiet man like you would have thunder as their element. But simply is just a case of the 'silent warrior'."

I look away a little, quickly looking back to avoid dropping the books. "Well yes, honestly, i'm still shocked."

"Is that some sort of pun?"

I chuckle a little and stop my stride when we reach the garden door.

"I suppose."

He sighs and smiles, doing his most gentle (which is still a little rough) pat on my shoulder.

"You have a good day now."

"You as well."

He leaves and I use my foot to knock on the door, resulting in almost immediate opening. I march in and step down the stone stairs carefully, hoping that I don't trip. After hearing the soft 'crunch' of the grass and I place the books on the small table.

"I brought the books."

Guo Jia chuckles as he joins me at the table. I see his gloved hand land flatly on the table as he sits in the chair across from me.

"For a second I thought you brought the whole library. Come on sit, Xu Shu."

I sit and separate the books, opening a dark blue one. We began our usual lessons, sitting and testing each other on strategies. Creating small ideas for our own, and making a few jokes.

Somewhere in between a handmaiden brings us tea and I enjoy the timid sweet flavor of the tea. I sipped occasionally, but Guo Jia seemed to down it with his sips.

He takes one last sip from his tea cup and place the cup down gently.

"Xu Shu I need to ask a favor?"

I flip a page in the new book we opened, and look up to the blonde man across from me.

"What is it, Guo Jia?"

He leans closer and crosses his finger delicately, as he lays his chin on his hands. I watch him with a confused expression.

"I need help with a task Lord Cao Cao has given me."

 **[Guo Jia]**

It was a few days ago, right after getting food in solitude and I went on a walk after Xu Shu and I bonded. I sat in the garden enjoying the scenery and calming effects of the I heard a familiar voice.

"Mind if i join you?"

My eyes turn alone and I see Lord Cao Cao in his thin but regal robe. I stand up and go to bow but he holds up a hand to me.

"RIght now, there's no need for formalities."

I smile and sit back down, gesturing for him to join me. He sits across from me and take a deep breath of the cool, crisp air. He releases it back out and it forms a small mist. It was rather cold but it didn't seem to bother us.

"Have you healed?" his voice suddenly speaks.

"Yes, I'm feeling fine." I lie. In fact the cold air only contrast my lungs even more, almost making them burn with the urge to cough. My self discipline is strong though.

"It seems like Xu Shu has had an effect on you."

I look at my commander, questioning the suddenly topic flip. I decide not to be verbal and play along to his whim.

"Yes, he has. In fact, he has helped quite a bit of the men. I don't think he realizes how though."

He nods in agreement, "His tapping into his sorcery raised the morale of our troops outstandingly. They all now believe such power is within them."

I chuckle, "Very similar to your message. However, I guess show is better than tell."

"Indeed."

The conversation seemed to come to a dead end as I release a little bit of the pained sensation with a small cough. He doesn't react luckily and I swallow some of my saliva in hopes to clear the remedy.

"Guo Jia."

"Yes, My lord?"

He stared up high, gazing at the crescent moon. Each word and breath was strong and mist came from him with every syllable.

"Where do you think Wei will be, in the future?"

I blink, feeling an emotion akin to shock as I try to wrap my head around an answer. I always thought Lord Cao Cao had faith in his ambition, in the future he wants to create.

"Well, my Lord, I see Wei ruling. Leading people and keeping their lives peaceful. Ending all threats and we are all pushing forward."

He chuckles a little and closes his eyes. "Quite ambitious for you."

I smile in return, "What can I say? I followed your example."

His head tilts down, and he takes another deep breath.

"To rule this land Wu and Shu must end. " his voice went low, as if imitating a lion's roar.

"Guo Jia, I want you to send a document on surrender to Wu."

My eyes widened, shocked at the drastic step Lord Cao Cao is taking. But maybe this is the step that will keep Wei ahead. I tilt my head and lean it against my hand.

"Any other conditions that they can abide by?"

Lord cao cao turns his head to me and with his usual strong voice.

"My ambition offers no other conditions. They either surrender or fight."

I smile and nod accepting the simple orders but they come with rash reactions. If Wu truly don't accept the surrender, we will have no choice but to march south and defeat them.

 _I must be careful about this._

 **[Xu Shu]**

"I need help with a task Lord Cao Cao has given me."

His fingers seem to clench around one another and his eyes seared in me, causing me to flinch.

"We have to write a threat to Wu and send it out as soon as we can."

 _Huh?!_

A threat to Wu? That's not a good idea!

Wu, in itself as a territory, is a dangerous army. There are even rumors I've heard from my previous travels that say that Wu commanders can even control tigers of all kind. Personally, I don't think our men could take another 'white tiger' incident.

He looks down from me and chuckles.

"I can just tell by your face that you don't agree with this."

"I don't" my voice came out too rough, but i meant what I said.

He leans back, getting more relaxed and he plays with his bangs.

"Why is that?"

"It's too risky and reckless!" My voice started to raise and I slammed my hand on the table causing my half full teacup to fall onto the ground, but I continue.

"Wu isn't exactly weak and they have the large naval advantage, if we were to attack them then they will-"

"Would you rather we attack Shu?"

I stop instantly, my words leaving me at the sudden realization. I'm in Wei, an officer of Wei. I never addressed the fact that in the near future I will come to blows against Shu.

 _Against Lord Liu Bei, against Guan Yu, against Zhang Fei, against Kongming._

I had risked my life for these men and I've done all I ever could for them, but now…

 **[Guo Jia]**

 _Why did I say that?_

I stare at Xu Shu as his face had switched from an ,admittedly cute, angry to a heart wrenching look of shock and sorrow. I wanted to remedy the situation but I didn't want to take back what I said because I am right.

His mouth closes slowly and he slowly comes back and sits, solemnly. I fix the placement of my tea cup and rub my chest as the usual pain in it seemed to have grown. I fought back the need to cough, knowing it won't help him.

Xu Shu rest his arms on the table as I reach over and place my hands over his. He looks up and his brown eyes meet my own.

"Listen Xu Shu, I know it's a hard truth to accept, but don't fret alright. You're not alone. I will be here to support you every step of the way. It's not your fault and it will not be your fault"

His face softens up more and he seems to calm down, turning his hand over to clasp onto mine. I smile at him, proud that he was able to quickly calm down, even if only or a short while.

"Thank you, Guo Jia. It means alot."

I nods and continue to hold his hand.

 **[Xu Shu]**

His words temporarily eased me, but I don't think it was only his words. I look down and see our hands , holding onto one another as if they were cuddling. I smile with relief and blush a little. It slightly saddened me when our hands gradually let go but I let out a deep breath and smile at him to let Go Jia know I am ok.

We readjusts our seats and fix the table, picking up the cups and coasters.

"Guo Jia."

"Yes?" he said as he picked up a book that had fallen.

"I'll do it."

He turns to me in surprise, but then it shifts to concern. He walks over to me and places a hand on my head and plays with my hair, as I reflexively wink in response.

"Are you sure, Xu Shu?"

I look up as him and nod, kicking out all doubt and fear. My feelings seemed to have gotten through as he smiles back at me.

He lifts his other hand, biting the hem of the glove as he pulls it off. I watch him explicitly. He takes my hand and gently starts to remove the gauntlet on my forearm. I pull off the light armor and look up at him.

His now bare hand wraps itself into my own. He feels cold but for some reason slightly sweaty. I slightly blush though and stare at our hands in direct contact. He uses his thumb to rub the back of my hand gently and he looks at me with endearing eyes.

"This is a deal. "

"A deal?" I question.

He nods, "I'll always be here for you as long as you do the same."

My eyes widen and I look away.

But from only a few seconds of thought, I knew my answer.

"Yes I will."

 _I feel like such a liar._

 **[Guo Jia]**

 _I am such a liar.,_

 **[A/N] OOH LA SHIIII!** **This Fanfiction is getting so cute and AHHHHH! But for those who know what's coming! Don't spoil! Also yes I know I switched POV's a lot, but I feel it added more dramatic effect! Did it work? Anyway Thank you guys! See you next chapter.**


	19. Old and New Enemies

**[Xu Shu]**

The room was silent, dead silent. Almost as if we couldn't even fathom the words for the message to say. The weight of the tension is rough and I can't stop sweating. So far we have wrote down a paragraph explaining their situation of weakness. Guo Jia held the brush in between his fingers, as it was pressed onto his chin as we thought of a tactical yet intimidating way to threaten them.

This isn't a message that won't have a consequence.

I swallow something, I don't know what but it brings slight comfort. I leans over the tale and try to inspect Guo Jia's face, to read his thoughts. His brows were furrowed and his hazel eyes usually bright looked much dimmer. The brush sat against his chin and his other hand laid on his chest. I eased my eyes, and looking down to the scroll. It sat with only a small paragraph on it.

I see the brush go down as it delicately brushed against the scroll. I watched intently reading the words he wrote.

 _This message to you is a warning of things to come. If you surrender now, Wei will not be forced to use our superior military prowess against you. You have a hard choice, choose wisely._

"Guo Jia."

His eyes peek up and look at me as lifts the brush.

"I think it would be best to give them more incentive. Tell them of how it would be better if they did."

He nods to me, and continues writing.

 _This surrender will be both beneficial for us, but for the people. End the suffering before it comes. Think of your people as well and your soldiers._

 _We have given you a decision to make. Surrender or War?_

 _Which will you choose?_

He puts the brush down and looks at the scroll, as if inspecting it deeply. He takes a deep breath and rolls up the scroll. He stands and looks down to me.

"Shall we go send it?"

 **[Guo Jia]**

We made it to the army messenger, and I ask him nicely to send this to Wu. His face flashed with fear upon realizing what we were doing. He initially refused but after I told him that this was Lord Cao Cao's order and not doing so would be insubordination he instantly accepted the quest. Xu Shu and I watched as he packed up and went to the stables. We seen him off and I couldn't help but hold my chest the whole time. This message _will_ elicit a negative response. Regardless if from Wu or the people. I can only hope the words we wrote won't cause grief.

I turn to Xu Shuu, who had been more nervous than I, and smile to him.

"Why don't we do some sorcery exercises?"

He seemed surprised by my question but nodded nonetheless. I led him to the near field near the village. Knowing that if he does make more lightning strike it wouldn't hurt anyone.

I led him to sit and sat across from him, observing him. I crossed my legs and he followed suit, entering a meditation pose.

"Now that you've tapped into your sorcery, it'll be easier to call forth the energy."

He nods in reply, closing his eyes and focusing. I gaze at him, attempting to put off the undeniable pain in my lungs. I hold my chest and thank the heavens that he closed his eyes.

Soon a blue and purple aura glows around him and a few sparks dances off of his body. He opens his brown eyes and I nod to him. I stand up and he does so as well, looking at the aura.

"See? It's easier now. Now that the feeling has become familiar to you it will continue to get easier. But for now, let's find out what else you can do."

He nods and get's in a hand to hand combat pose. I chuckle, knowing I can't win in a hand to hand fight. I lift my arms and summon my royal blue aura, manifesting it into my red and gold orbs and sending them his way.

 _Wait! He's gone!_

He's even faster than before! I see him land his jump away a few meters away from me. He looks at himself, even more amazed than me. So not only is his aura lightning, It makes him even faster than before.

I summon more orbs and ten slap them so they bounce wildly. I watch him carefully as he zips away from the orbs, almost as if he is teleporting. I see the faint sparks but in his trail is a slight blue tail. It's honestly amazing to see someone move this fast.

Xu Shu was already an incredibly fast person, but now, he may be unstoppable on the battlefield. I want to test his speed for myself. I summon on more orb and I make a motion for him to see me. He zips to me and stops in a cautious way.

"Xu Shu. I will send this orb as far as I can, I want you to go get it, alright?"

He nods and gets ready. I put my hand on the orb and send it through the air over the Wei castle and village. I give him the 'go' signal and in a flash he was gone.

I smile and walk to a tree and lean against it. I let out a few coughs and wheezes. I held my chest and slowly curled up under the tree in my agonizing pain. I sigh and wheeze even more. Until I heard a rustling in the bushes. I quickly run and I see a puff of smoke.

A puff of smoke? What the-

It moves to me and I quickly step away, and out comes more large puffs of smoke. When they surrounded me I realized what they were.

 _Phantom Soldiers!_

I tried to summon some orbs but they grabbed me before I could. I struggle from their grips that seemed invisible. The pain in my chest rose to a near unbearable level and I coughed. I summoned an orb and pushed one off of me, seeing him explode in the distance. I struggled against the others, using my now free arm to cover my mouth.

 _I can't even breathe! All the smoke!_

Before I knew it, I was being dragged away from the area and I could barely fight back.

 **[Xu Shu]**

Noticing that the orb had vanished randomly, I was worried about Guo Jia. He must've known that I would get it and not to let it disappear in my hands. I ad quickly went and got my weapon and ran back to the training spot we were at.

I jumped down from a large jump over some bushes and I rolled. When I looked up….he was gone.

 _Oh no._

The panic rose in me,as I looked around frantically. I zipped back and forth between the area and found nothing. Where could he have went? He wouldn't just leave like that, would he? I mean, we just promised to be together? He wouldn't leave that quickly. Even if it's just a training exercise. I then notice something out the corner of my eye. I run to it and skid to s stop. I see footprints, more like a dragging path. I push past some bushes and see a hidden path.

He must have been kidnapped! _I have to save him!_

I dart my way down the path, only seeing the essence of green lush as I ran past. My panicking caused me to run even faster than I thought my sorcery would let me. The sparks turned into full on lightning and I was covered in it. I looked up to see a shrine- like building and I knew I made it to where they took Guo Jia.

 _Don't worry, Guo Jia. I'm coming for you!_

 **[Guo Jia]**

COUGH!HACK!

I could still barely breathe without wheezing as the phantom soldiers tied my hands behind my back. I somehow summoned an orb and hit another away, watching him explode in the process. But in response the other one forcefully slammed my head onto the stone floor and tired my arms more forcefully.

I felt the blood flow from my nose and I coughed out more blood. I wheezed painfully, feeling my lungs shrink in my chest as they attempt to keep me alive.

I hear the door open, but the violent hand curling my blond hair in is fist wouldn't let me move.

I look to see light gray boots, and a dangling gold robe. I wheeze as I attempt to look higher from under my bangs. I look up to see an elderly man with a small headdress.. He kneels to me and calls off the phantom soldier on top of me.

"Sorry about the rude awakening, But I to speak to you. FengXiao."

I chuckle, than only causes me to cough again, as I lift my head to look at him dead in the face.

"Do you know of how grave your punishment is for this, Yuan Shao? Capturing and beating a Wei Strategist?"

He chuckles and stands. "I'm glad you remember me, I'm guessing from our first 'little' skirmish, correct?"

I somehow get myself up and I lean against the wall, trying to the get the blood from my nose. "Of course. How could I forget? You killed quite a bit of the army then."

He walks over to me and kneels, placing a hand under my chin. He gives me a goofy smile and I scoff at it.

"Your illness is only getting worse and with all this stimuli. You will surely die."

I spit in his face and he slaps me violently. He makes disgusted noises and wipes my spit off of his face.

I chuckle and laugh even harder as I writhe on the ground. I feel an aching pain on my back as I yell in pain and cough and wheeze even hard. He stomps on me ruthlessly,

"You...You...you _peasant!"_ Stomp! "You dare spit on one of the Yuan's?!" Stomp!"You will learn your place, and then I'll teach that commander of yours his place as well!"

I writhe and cough under his ruthless stomping. The blood from my nose pouring and I swore I have coughed out a lung.

 _We should've have had Yuan Shao killed back then._

But I told Lord Cao Cao, no because he was no longer a threat. How shortsighted of me.

I can't die now. I didn't have much time, anyway, but I just made a promise to _him._ I can't die on him before living it out for at least a little while.

 _I can't be made a liar now._

I hear something? Under all of my coughing and wheezing I heard… a small thunderstrike.

I smirk, as I force myself to summon an orb and knock the bratty old man away. He flew back and landed on his butt and I did the same to the other phantom soldier in the room, making him explode in the corner.

Isit up and lean against the wall as I wheeze and try to free myself. Yuan Shao gets up and rubs his face from the blow. Then-

CRASH!

A flash of lightning was heard outside and The bratty Yuan had panicked at the sound. He flinched and crawled over to the opposite wall as I let out a painful laugh.

"What...what was that!?"

I lower my head and look up at him through my messy blonde bangs. My breath was strained and you could hear the cracking of my air way. My smirked widened as I heard crashes from below .

"That, Lord Yuan Shao. Is your end."

 _Here he comes, my loyal, cute, pure puppy._

 **[Xu Shu]**

 _I'm coming for you, Guo Jia! I'm coming!_

 **[A/N] YEEE! Yes Yuan Shao is alive right now. Don't worry it will be explained why in the next chapter. And NUUUU POOR GUO JIA Yuan Shao was beating up on him and he is already really sickly. DON'T WORRY HIS PUPPY IS COMING FOR HIM! ANYWAY I have a laptop now! (MERRY CHRISTMAS) So I can upload a lot more now and less in time constraints. I hope you stay me for more of the story! Thanks you for reading! See you next chapter!**


	20. The Courtesy of Saving

**[Xu Shu]**

 _Guo Jia!_

He was all I could think about. This is exactly what I feared!

I didn't want this to happen! I didn't want Guo jia to have anything happen to him!

I zipped my way through the hallways of this large shrine. I avoid the guards as much as I can, and I just run past them. Making my way, quickly up the stairs and to where I hope Guo Jia is.

Every door was pushed open, every room frantically searched, and every hall way is zipped through. Panting almost animalistically, I make it up to the top floor. I repeat the actions and bust into each room. There's a room on the final wall and I kick it open violently.

"Guo Ji-"

My eyes made contact with the person I was searching for, but… he was..

His arms were tied behind his back and his blonde hair was messy and looked roughly toyed with. He had bruise on his cheek and his nose was bleeding. His mouth had a small path of blood down to his chin. He weakly leaned against the open window, wind blowing in and the sunset's rays glowing onto him. His usually well kept appearance was now ruined. He panted and attempted to breathe roughly, and I was enraged.

"Ah, so you're the o-one responsible for al-all that ruckus!" I see a rapier edge point to me and I slowly turn to him. I see an elderly man wearing regal clothing with a small epee in his hands. He looked panicked and scared, even though he had Guo Jia tied up and abused.

My aura seemed to rage along with me, as it had rose and the lightning sparks around me had grown in number. I twirl my sword and point it at the man.

I glared daggers into him, and heavens did he feel my wrath.

"Who are you and why did you do this to Guo Jia?" My voice was low and full of poisonous syllables.

The man flinched, unable to give me a clear answer. I turned to him, rage filling to the brim.

"A-All of you Wei officers! So rude to nobility! I-I'll show you!"

I rested my sword point so it touches and crossed with his. I glare at him.

"Fine...then _show_ me."

He flinched more but attempted to stand his ground. Then he lifts his sword and thrusts it at me violently. I effortlessly dodge and and he continues to attack at me. As he speeds up and start to become more rapid and harsh. My dodging went from trning to full-on ducking and jumping away.

I hear a cough and Immediately turn to se Guo Jia hacking up blood. I turn to run to him.

"Ah-ha!"

I quickly turn and narrowly slow the skinny blade. It slashes my cheek Then In a flash I was across the room. The sparks around me were larger and the aura was more turns to me in disbelief and gets back in a fighting stance. I look at my hands and realize that I teleported.

I blocked another attack and kick him down and stomped on his chest and pointed my sword down to him. He stares at me in utter fear as I glare down at the pitiful elder under my foot. I lift my sword.

"Wa-ait! J-just wait a moment! FengXiao! Call him off!"

My rage rises as I watch him panic. He calls Guo Jia by his courtesy name,but abuses him in such a way!

I look down at him as he struggles under my firm foot. As I look over to Guo Jia, who had coughed more. He nods to me and smiles.

I look down and my hand trembles. The faces of the scholar and Lu Shan flash in my mind. The same absolute look of fear, the same begging and pleading, the same….It's all the same.

 _No it isn't._

This is time, he hurt someone. This time he hurt someone physically. This time he physically hurt someone that I deeply care about. And he needs to pay for it.

My sword flew downwards and stabbed him in his shoulder. I did my best to ignore his cry of pain and I forced it so deep that it went through the stone floor. My lightning had transferred to the weapon and it shocked the man under me as well. His blood flowed rapidly from the stab and I lift my foot away, walking over to Guo Jia. Kneeling to him and untying him.

"I didn't expect that." he says to me, with a few coughs.

I grab him and pick him up bridal style. He looks surprised for a while but he wraps his arms around my neck and leans into me. I turn and look at the bleeding elderly man on the ground. It cause a bit of pain in my heart but even more anger when I see what he did to Guo Jia.

"Who is he?"

Guo Jia coughs, "Yuan Shao, he was an enemy of Lord Cao Cao a long time ago." He leans closer to me, "I told Lord Cao Cao to leave him alive after a long skirmish because he was no longer a threat. Obviously I see that now that was a mistake."

I look at him and walk over to the bleeding man, as he desperately reached for his epee. I kick it away and look at Guo Jia. I kneel a little as he leans down and yank my sword out of Yuan Shao's shoulder. He yelps and holds his shoulder as I turn and leave.

"You mongrels! Y-you'll pay! You'll all pay!"

We ignored his empty threats as I slowly walk down the stairs with Guo Jia in my arms. He silently held onto me and hel my sword and hook in his hand. He coughs violently and attempts to cover his mouth. Worry washes over me, as he stares into his hand now covered in a blood stain.

I didn't understand. Guo Jia's wound don't look deep enough to elicit inner bleeding, at least to this glances up and notices my stare and looks away.

"Guo Jia...why is there so much blood? I mean Yuan Shao didn't do that much damage to you."

He looks away from me, holding onto my blue robe tightly as he holds his bloody hand near his chest. I hear him chuckle, "I couldn't hide this from you."

He turns his head and looks up to me, his hazel eyes looks as if he is mourning and I fear his next words. When he said them I froze, unable to move on this step of the staircase as I held a delicate Guo Jia in my arms. The statement was said so casually, as if it was normal, as if he had accepted it.

"I'm dying, Xu Shu."

 **[Guo Jia]**

 _I told you. I finally got to tell you._

But it hurt, it hurt alot. If this quote was murdering than damn the heavens if it wasn't eviscerating you. You had froze, brown eyes left to focus onto me. I forced my smile to stay as I looked down, unable to take the heartbroken look on your face. But I continued to explain-

"I've been very ill for a very long time. I have some kind of sickness that curses my lungs and make it supremely difficult for me to breathe."

As if to prove my point, I coughed right on cue. He flinched, and held tighter onto me.

I look down, unable to even imagine the look of pure heartache on his face.

"I don't have much time left in this world. And right after I made a promise to you. How selfish of me."

"FengXiao."

My courtesy name, it fell from his voice so quickly and casually and it caught me off guard. I look up to Xu Shu, his face now focused and determined on me. I shiver under his gaze, as his face softens and he closes his eyes.

"You didn't lie to me. You weren't selfish or anything of the sort. You can still fulfill your promise to me. And I will help you do so."

I stare at him in shock, almost as if I was dreaming. It was almost too much.

His eyes seem to twinkle and for the first time in a long while I felt as if I was blushing. Tears welded up in my eyes and I looked away and coughed, as he continued to walks down the stairs.

We sat in silence for a while, as we left the large building. He insisted on carrying me the whole way back so I let him. Plus it's very comfortable.

"Xu Shu."

He looks down at me as he slowly walked, with me swaying slighting with each step.

"What's your courtesy name? I mean if you're calling me FengXiao now, it isn't fair."

He look back up and smiles.

"It's Yuanzhi."

 _Yuanzhi. How perfect for a cute puppy like him._

I reach back and grab his hood, pulling it up over his head. He didn't protest, but he looked down at me with a little confusion. I take my hand and cup his cheek softly, his face showing a small shade of pink at the action. Only causing my face to change to a genuine smile for once.

"Who would have thought that on that day, I was fighting such a perfect, kind, young man?"

He looks away, shyness getting the better of him, as he attempt to have his hood cover his face. I chuckle and lean into his carrying a little more.

And I never have felt more safe.

 **]A/N] AHHHHHH! Courtesy names! I love them so much! Just in case if you're wondering I'm basing Guo Jia's illness off of Mesothelioma because one of my loved ones have it so I have experience with it. So I know what the symptoms look and sounds like. Cause they never say what he has so I thought I could have some liberties. Anyway look at how they talk together! Look at how they fall in love! AHHHH! Anyway See you next chapter!**


	21. Prepare to Move Forward

**[A/N] Happy 20th chapter everyone and a (late) happy holidays and new year! It really feels like the time has flown (probably because of how fast I usually put out chapters) but thank you to everyone who has came this far with my story. I've always loved Dynasty warriors and I knew when I saw Xu Shu that he was going to become a new obsession for me. And i don't specifically remember what prompted me to ship him with Guo Jia, but it happened and here we are now. I just wanted to get my thanks and let you all know how happy I am that I AM MADE IT TO 20 CHAPTERS! It's honestly amazing because usually I drop fanfics quickly and never touch them again, but I guess from all the enjoyment and encouragement It kept me going. Anyways thank you again and ONTO THE CUTENESS!**

 **[Guo Jia]**

 _I knew the threat would elicit a negative response._

When Lord Cao Cao stepped out and stood in front of his loyal army, and spoke about how Wu has denied their option of surrender. I knew this would connect to more battles. I stood in front, beside Xiahou Dun, as I swallowed my concern. Lord Cao Cao's recent actions were becoming brash and reckless. But some reckless steps must be taken. I didn't question it...until he said that we are taking our naval fleet and heading for Chi bi.

With that declaration and him telling Jia Xu, Xu Shu, and I to make plans for battle, I knew this was a bad idea. But derailing Lord Cao Cao's mind when he makes a decision like this, is impossible. So I must go along with it.

But there's another person that wants me to go along with something.

"You're not coming." Xu Shu spouts to me, coldly.

My eyes widened, piecing together his out-of-character demand.

"Yuanzhi, you can't be serious."

He turns away from me and faces a painting on my wall. His arms crossed and I could see a wall of determination build itself in his eyes.

"FengXiao, you're sickly. If you come along with us to this battle, it will surely be bad for your health."

I stand up from the bed and turn to my supposed apprentice, attempting to change his mind.

"Yuanzhi, this battle is important! You will need a strategist."

"Jia Xu and I are going."

I shake my head, trying to get through to him. He didn't move, not in body or in decision.

"You don't have enough experience, and Jia Xu-"

"It's true I don't have much experience with making a strategy for a whole army. But Jia Xu does, and he's talented."

I take a step towards the younger man.

"Yuanzhi, Lord Cao Cao won't allow this."

"I already spoke to him about it. He said this is the perfect opportunity for him to test me."

 _He really thought this through._

As I go to open my mouth to retaliate again, he quickly shut me up.

"You need to have more faith in this army."

I froze, feeling as if I was whipped with his words. I stood there in silence, but soon I chuckle and place a hand on my waist, coughing a little and getting him to look at me.

His face softened and he immediately stepped forward.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No...no. You're right." I run a hand through my hair. Looking back up, to his chocolate brown eyes.

"Wei isn't only held together by me. Everyone does their part and that's what makes Wei so powerful. I will...leave this battle to you and Jia Xu."

Yuanzhi nods, happy that I've agreed to let him and Jia Xu handle it. I can't help but worry though, I mean, Yuanzhi could barely handle finding his sorcery, strategizing and leading a whole army is a big leap for him.

 _I can only pray that he is ready._

He put me back into my bed and I poke his nose.

"You've been treating me like a maiden lately. Do not forget who was the one who defeated you when we first met."

He chuckles and pokes my nose back.

"What of it? Even the strongest maidens need a chance to rest."

I lay down as he sat beside the bed and he kept me company. It was relaxing and honestly, his company was better than any other.

Whenever I looked at Yuanzhi I felt a weird sense of security. He is someone who rejected me but accepted me. Supported me but keeps me in line. He's kept his eye on me but grew on his own with or without me. And when he left my room today, It was the first time I truly felt fear.

I have felt fear before, every time I have a coughing fit I fear it will be my last, but….fear over another. Fear over losing someone, is very foreign to me.

I've never had much of a family, and whenever I did, I never truly relied or trusted them. Only when I joined Wei was when I learned the true feeling and meaning of companionship and family. That's why my every strategy is thought through so meticulously.

But it's not the same with Yuanzhi. I feel a sense of priority when he's around, like he's the most important person in the land. He's the only one that cares deeply for me and is willing to do anything for me. I mean he stabbed Yuan Shao in the shoulder even though he was so apprehensive about injuring another person before. And he stabbed Yuan Shao with barely any thought for me. But still-

 _It scares me._

I'm truly terrified on what this battle might do to him.

 _On what it might do to us._

 **[Xu Shu]**

I'm glad FengXiao accepted and is going to stay behind. But I am also very nervous on how Jia Xu and I are going to do on the battle strategies. I never strategized for an army before let alone for a naval battle, but I keep my confidence up for FengXiao's sake.

I knock on Jia Xu's door and he opens the door almost immediately.

"Done flirting with Master Guo Jia?"

I instantly flinch and stiffened, blushing at the comment. But I sigh and rub the back of my head with a chuckle. He chuckles with me and steps out from his room and closes his door.

"Ready to plan?"

I nod, with a determined mindset and set out to the war council room. I never truly entered this room before for its intended purpose. Usually FengXiao would pop into the room to get a map for us and tell me to wait outside. But this time-

 _I have to make the strategy._

The large empty room alone intimidated me. There was a large wooden table with over 10 seats at its edges. The chair at the head was very regal and obviously meant for Lord Cao Cao. nailed onto the table sat a large map on the land, with various colored picks into it. Mainly blue, red, and yellow pins stamped the map, probably representing the kingdoms and their lands.

Jia Xu casually walks to the table and looks over the map. He reaches and grabs one of the previously stamped red pins and pull it out.

"Chi bi, is extremely close to Wu territory. So we'll be playing on their field."

I nod, looking down at the map, then I lean over and place my finger over Luoyang, dragging out a path.

"However we must get to the dock area, so before we can even imagine the battle, we have to reach the dock to our east. Take a fleet, and then travel down to Chibi."

Jia Xu nods to my plan, but quickly looks back at me.

"What off the walking path there? It will take too long to transport our whole army."

I leans back and put my knuckles to my mouth, slightly gnawing on the tasteless skin. Jia Xu was right, plus, taking our whole army into enemy territory is reckless. If we are defeated that would drastically affect Wei.

"Jia Xu, what is our Cavalry and Foot units like?"

He stands up straight and put his hands on his hips, staring down at the map.

"Let's see," He paused for a moment, "Well, currently our cavalry is well rested and strong from some neglect. And Some Foot units could stand some action."

It hit me, almost like running into a wall.

"For this battle we'll only take our most impressive warriors and The cavalry and foot units."

Jia Xu looks at me, face stretched in a look of admiration...and a look as if I was crazy. He look down with a sigh and puts his hand over his face, dragging the hand down his face ending with a gently stroke to his facial hair.

"Xu Shu. you do realize we are going into enemy territory?"

I nod.

"Won't we need more allies?"

I look off, thinking more about my idea.

"Well, if we enter Chi bi, with our whole army that, will be good for hurting Wu's morale and confidence. However, It is a risky call due to we are playing in their yard. However-" My mind was calculating everything with every word I spoke.

"If we keep our main forces on the fleet, making Wu have to come after us. Then we can pincer them easily." More ideas hit me, like a brick wall.

"In fact-!" I accidentally shouted a little and slammed my hands onto the wooden table. I stare down at the section of Chi Bi, almost seeing the battlefield.

My mind perfectly carved out the hills and bases of Chi Bi from my last visit. Seemingly manifesting Wu soldiers from my imagination, they run towards the hoards of blue boats, following after a group of blue horses. The planks fall and a flood of red pour in, however they are quickly circled and exterminated.

I blink, being freed from my intense simulation from Jia Xu's hand tapping my back. My head sharply turns towards him and I see him flinch from my intense actions.

"Uh Xu Shu-"

"I have it….I-I think I have it."

He tilts his head and shrugs, taking a seat. I step slightly away from the table and begin pacing in front of my superior.

"Firstly, we do as I said and only bring The cavalry and advanced foot units. Maybe a few more for extra comfort and morale. Lord Cao Cao Will ride in the main boat with Lord Xiahou Dun protecting him. We will send Lord Xiahou Yuan with a small section of Cavalry on a smaller unit boat. They will reach Chi bi first. Understood?"

I turn to the man in a chair as he intently nods. I nod back and collect more words and continue.

"They will be used as a distraction. They can take a base or two and get Wu's attention. When Wu soldiers starts gathering around them. We will send Cao Ren and Zhang He to 'save them'. Then they will lead them back to the fleet, while we lower our planks. Obviously then we let the Wu soldiers on and pincer attack them."

Jia Xu's face didn't falter and I lick my drying lips in nervousness. He lowers his head and I flinch.

"You really are Guo Jia's apprentice."

I tilt my head as the shorter man stands and walks to me. He uses the back on his hand and lightly pats my chest

"It sounds crazy but….doable. We'll go with that as a battle starter."

I smile and nod, proud of myself.

 _Your teachings didn't go to waste FengXiao._

Jia Xu and I spent hours upon hours talking and coming up with then rejecting strategies for the full length of the battle. My mind seemed to be racing and flooding itself with the numerous self-given lessons and well-taught lessons from FengXiao. We lay down the piece for every puzzle, and move each soldier unit according to their strengths.

Jia Xu looked at me as the final piece had been set, Lord Cao Cao's placement in all this. We will be looking into if either he or Xiahou Yuan should be the initial distraction.

 _It's a risk, but a risk I know he's willing to take._

We decided to leave that role to be decided at the War Council. Jia Xu yawned loudly and I followed suit, our eyes meeting with a joyful chuckle.

"Man it's been a long time since I pulled a nighter for a strategy." He stretches.

I turn to him a little, "You and Fe- Master Guo Jia haven't done this before?"

Jia Xu smirks at me catching my speech falter. I look away nervously but look back when he speaks up again.

"Nope." He flops back down into the chair and taps his foot.

"In fact, most of the strategizing if done by Guo Jia. Whenever we needed a strategy like this, he would take it upon himself to come up with the huge overall plan. While I planned for the smaller units within it."

I lower my head, remembering what FengXiao said today.

 _Wei isn't only held together by me. Everyone does their part and that's what makes Wei so powerful._

 _FengXiao…_

"In fact," he continued, "Whenever we strategized together and it started to get late, he would order me to leave and rest. I always assumed it was a motherly instinct type of thing."

"Motherly instinct?" I reply, confusion plain as day.

Jia Xu looks up at me from under his bangs and chuckle a little.

"You haven't noticed? Guo Jia is a very selfless man under a selfish guise."

It all begins to click, everything. How he fought me when we first met, how he treated me when I first joined, all his flirting with women and me, all of his hard work.

 _FengXiao is lonely and wants someone there with him. Even though it won't be for long._

My eyes had widened and I look down. FengXiao works so hard for Wei because he appreciates all of the people within it and wants to hold them close. FengXiao-

 _Is just like me._

I lift my head and smile at Jia Xu, striding to him with as much pride that I could muster. He looked up at me a little confused, even more so when I held out my hand.

"Let's show Guo Jia that he doesn't have to bear this burden on his own. With this battle we will prove it to him"

He looks at me, at first with a very lukewarm reaction but then chuckled and took my hand. Using my strength to help him stand, he nods to me and smirks.

"Yeah, let's do it."

 _Don't worry FengXiao, after all this fighting, we will stay together. You will live to fulfill your promise, and I will show you there is always time for companionship._

We leave the War Council room, walking back to our rooms calmly, not wanting to walk anyone. I sigh as I enter my room and prepare myself for bed. My robe falls loosely to the ground and I almost flop onto my bed. Using the thin covers to hide my body.

I can't help but smile, ready to show FengXiao what I can do.

 _I'm ready. I'm ready to move forward FengXiao. And you will_ _ **not**_ _be left behind._

 **[A/N] *SCREAMS 6EVER* Can I just tell you how much I love Xu Shu and Guo Jia, cause I love Xu Shu and Guo Jia! Jia Xu is the best wingman too! But a Wei story isn't ever done without a Battle of Chi bi…*sigh*...BATTLE OF CHI BI WE'RE SLOWLY COMING! Anyways, See you next Chapter! Happy new year!**


	22. Last Night Between Us

**[Guo Jia]**

A week had already passed, and I could tell Yuanzhi and WenHe were working tirelessly on the strategy. The moved with urgency and never stopped improving on the map in the Council room. I could almost say I was filled with unwavering pride….But it did waver. I was terrified for them.

Jia Xu is very talented however he still lacks some of the patience and care of a strategist. He isn't ready to strategize for an army he has gotten close to. But he is very well adept in the strategies and can plan out even a soldier's step sequence.

Xu Shu never had strategized for an army before, being terribly inexperienced. He pushed himself away from people for so long that being in a close-knit army like this still seems foreign to him. But he his very flexible and can work his way around situations.

They seem to balance each other out...or cancel each other out.

I can't help but be a little fearful about what might happen to them, however I will do my best and idle here.

 _I can wait._

I sit in my room, in my usual blue robe as I lean back in my wooden chair. The cold night being ignored by the small candle on the desk I sat in front of. My left arm rested on the desk holding a book while the right leaned on the wooden arm rest and my fingers brushed my brow. My room was silent, only the sound of the outside wind, the small sparks of the candle's flame, and occasionally page flipping could've been heard.

Knock knock, Knock knock knock.

 _Oh Yuanzhi._

"Come in, Xu Shu." I called out, and exactly as I thought the larger raven haired man walked in before me.

Yuanzhi had taken this habit to knock with the same beat, so I've grown accustomed to hearing the rhythm. I turn lower my back and close it gently, looking over to my guest.

He gently and quietly closes the door behind him. I could tell her was getting ready for bed before knocking. He wore his usual pants but he stood before me with a loose long sleeve shirt. In all honesty it looked worn out but he seemed to make the look work. His hair was disheveled and he wore no shoes.

I look at him, leaning my face onto my right hand.

"What's wrong Yuanzhi?"

He seems to remember that he walked into my room because he flinched when I asked that. He looks at me as I can physically see him mustering up courage.

"Can I….Spend tonight with you?"

I sat at my desk in shock, but it faded when I realized what tonight was.

 _It's the night before the travel to the docks to go to Chi bi._

I look down, my lips disagreeing with my heart and smiling. I could only nod as my chest felt even heavier than usual.

I see him turn and sit on my bed, scooting back closer to the wall. I look back at him as he gently pats the area where I usually lay.

 _He's sleeping in here?_

I smile to him gently and get up. Walking over and plopping myself beside him. In which he responded by laying down and facing away from me.

"Good Nigh-"

"What do you think you're doing?" It came out much colder than I wanted but he tensed up (even more) and didn't look my way.

"S...Spending the night with you, by sleeping with you in your bed?"

He didn't sound confident at all in his words and I sighed.

 _Dear heavens please help me._

"That's not what I want." I state.

He stood still for a moment, as if contemplating. But he turns his body and looks back to me.

"What do you want FengXiao?"

I sigh at how foolish he can be. He really is a puppy.

"I want you to stay up and _actually_ spend the night with me."

"I have to go to sleep."

I sigh again, "You can sleep in a little while, just...please. Talk to me at least"

He paused, almost surprised that I begged him. I looked away from him, waiting for his response. But I hear shuffling from behind me , making me sit and attempt to look back.

"Yuanzh-"

 _Huh?_

I felt arms wrapped around me, the grip was firm but gently, as I was pulled back away from the edge of my bed. In my peripheral I see his black pants and his feet. Reflexively, I look only to feel myself shiver. He had buried his face in and near my neck and upper back. My back was directly against him and It surprised me.

 _Not only was Xu Shu's lips special, his touch is as well._

For me , someone who has experienced countless rounds of intercourse, This simple but passionate hug is making my heart thump faster than any woman could've.

I leaned into him, enjoying the contact. His breath tickled my neck but my self control wouldn't let me ruin this moment with laughter.

I raise my hands and place one on the larger hand holding my side. Using my right arm, I petted him, feeling him relax even more onto me.

It felt a little suffocating but so. . . _loving._

I hear him sigh, as if he just felt a weight fly away from him. I glance to him, expecting him to talk.

"FengXiao…"

I wanted to say so much, just from that, but all I mustered was a slightly hoarse, 'Yes?'

He lets out a deep breath, it tickles my back as it had went under the fabric of my robe. His voice was barely a whisper, but every word held the weight of a thunderstrike.

"When I return home, Will you do something for me?"

"Anything." before I could even think, that word had escaped my lips.

He pulls me deeper into the embrace and I try to look at him as good as I can.

"When I return home" he repeated, "I want you to rely on my more."

I looked back up from him, a little surprised that he sounded so emotional because of this.

"Yuanzhi, I do rely on y-"

"That's not enough!"

His grip had hardened and I was forced closer into his body. I couldn't really piece together what was happening from his point. His voice had suddenly rose and he spoke without a single stutter.

Even though his grip had hardened he trembled. It's as if he was a dam, tipping to the edge of bursting.

"FengXiao, you risk yourself everyday all because of your illness. You act brashly and manipulatively even though, you're not truly that type of person. You don't have to act strong. You don't have to pretend like you're ok. "

I couldn't raise my head. The bed under me had begun to become blurry and I blink, watching the tears fall.

"Yuanzhi, I can't force all of that onto you. It's my discrepancies and failures. It has nothing to do with you."

"That doesn't mean you can't talk to me."

I smile from under the tears, chuckling at this truly dream-like moment. When he spoke again his voice was quiet again.

"Does anyone else know of your illness?"

I shook my head, "But some have grown suspicious. I'm definitely sure Jia Xu and Xu Zhu noticed."

"I see."

We sat in silence for a while, as I got used to the feeling of him against me. His bigger body felt warm against my own and I couldn't help but smile as I was being held. I spoke up, making yuanzhi raise his head a little.

"Alright, I'll rely on you."

I didn't even have to observe him to see the happiness he feels. He held me even closer and tilts us to the side. I let out a yelp as he makes us flop on my bed onto our sides. We laugh even though my laughter becomes coughing fairly quickly.

I instantly feel a supportive hand pat my back, as I finish my coughing. I turn to the best of my ability to realize that we're so close to each other and his legs are wrapped tightly around me.

By the slight pink on his face he noticed as well.

I smirk and lean closer to him, "Maybe I should kiss you again? Does that cound as reliance?"

"FengXiao!" He yells back in a cute way. I chuckle and turn back enjoying being held.

The warm of his body against mine, his devotion and kindness, how he rushes to my aid, and everything else and in between. I will miss these things when he leave tomorrow.

 _And tomorrow had came._

I sent the whole army off with a smile, wishing them luck and pray that the heavens are on their side. But When I reached WenHe and Yuanzhi, my smile faltered.

These two men are the total embodiment of an emotion I feel. An emotion I had felt I had lost long ago.

Wenhe is like a brother to me, I wished to keep him safe and assist him in his growth.

And Yuanzhi seems to be the one to has stolen my weak heart. I know I didn't say it last night, nor the nights before. Even at departure I didn't say it, but I held no fear.

 _When he returns I will tell him._

 **[A/N] AHHHHHH! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?! YESSSS! *remembers Chi Bi* ….LA SHI! I wanted a short Guo Jia chapter to send Wei off to Chi bi. I also wanted to convey about how he feels about Jia Xu (Wenhe) in this chapter. But then it turned into a 'I'm mustering up my confidence until I confess to you' chapter….so...yeah ^^ I hope you enjoyed this short but SUPER SWEET chapter. See you in the next one!**


	23. A New Voyage

**[Xu Shu]**

 _And we were off._

When I had turned away from FengXiao and climbed onto the horse, I made myself face forward, for if I looked back I would've been to affected by the thought of leaving to focus of the battle. Lord Cao Cao and Xiahou Dun rode their horses ahead, White fluffy tails and manes flowing in the wind from under the regally dressed men. I rode a white horse with a chestnut mane, and Jia xu rode a dark brown horse with a black mane beside me. We made eye contact quite a bit during the ride and kept up our spirits with chuckles and smiles.

 _It'll go well. It will_ _have_ _to go well._

I bounced and held my Sword and hook tightly in my left hand, using my right to hold onto my horse. The cavalry rode behind us with the higher ranked soldiers beside them. And In a carriage behind them held our foot soldier units.

I look up observing the flowing blue cape of Lord Cao Cao. He didn't look back and it didn't even looked like he glanced away from the direction of forward.

 _Lord Cao Cao really is an ambitious man._

I remember during the official War council meeting how Jia Xu and I told the warriors of the strategy. We told them about how we needed someone to volunteer to be the bait. But when Lord Cao Cao spoke up I instantly know he would volunteer himself.

When he stood then and spoke with clear determination and strength, I truly felt that Wei is an amazing kingdom. Lord Cao Cao volunteered himself as bait, risking his life in enemy territory and it filled me with pride….and slight fear.

 _But if Lord Cao Cao is fearless than I will be as well._

We came across numerous Wei bases where small units had been ordered to protect, they waved to us as we rode past. And at a couple of Supple Bases we stopped to eat and rest. Everyday of travel seem to mold together to me.

I couldn't tell you the date, let alone the year if you were to ask me.

One night I looked out and watched the stars from outside the base. I sat in the grass, enjoying the silence and whirling of the night wind.

I smiled, knowing we were close to the port town. Once we reach the boats and get on, the plan will start. As long as we stay to it, there's no way we could lose.

I hear some footsteps and look up to see Jia Xu.

"I expected to see you out here, Zhānxīng shī"

I chuckle and pat the ground beside me, "Are you coming to join me?"

He nods and sits down beside me, looking up at the moon in silence. It was a comfortable silence, and honestly I was happy. Jia Xu has quickly become someone I trust, not only as a strategist but as a friend.

"So how do you think Guo Jia is doing?"

I flinch a little from his mentioning of FengXiao.

"I mean you guys are together right?"

I feel heat rush to my face as I shake my head and look down.

"OW!" I had yelped when he smacked the back of my head, harshly. He sighs and leans back on his hands in the grass.

"I swear you two are going to send me to an early grave."

I look over to him and attempt to ask him what he meant, but I ended up staying quiet and watching him lay down on the grass. His eyes opened and plastered themselves onto the starry sky. I look back up myself,mentally calling out the constellations.

"Chi bi is close. This battle will be a big one, I can feel it."

"Because FengXiao isn't going to be there?"

He shakes his head and turns onto his side effortlessly.

"In all honesty, this plan we hatched up, is ludicrous," he paused for a moment, turning back onto his back.

"Who would think of the great army of Wei...coming to battle without only a cavalry and foot units?"

"And all of our finest warriors." I corrected, looking down to the lazy man beside me.

"I have deep faith in this army, that we as a team can accomplish impossibilities. And I wish to help that."

Jia Xu chuckles a little at my response but smiles and nods in agreement.

"Let's reach the docks tomorrow, and make the impossible...possible."

Morning had came quickly, before I knew it Jia Xu and I had went our separate ways to rest up for the travels. When the sun had risen, Lord Cao Cao had us all get ready for travelling and we rode to the port town.

Our horses slowed to a walking, reaching the small but lively town, thriving off of its location. Fisherman were everywhere and fish shops were also really popular. When the people say us, they waved happily, thanking Lord Cao Cao and certain officers for their work. It was a refreshing feel. Even though I rode behind Lord Cao Cao I wasn't really acknowledged which could be taken as a better thing.

When we all approached the docks, the army boatsman saw us and bowed instantly. Lord Cao Cao, looked down at him from his black horse. And without a word, he nodded and the boatsman led us to the fleet.

One very large ship with many ones under its size. Jia Xu jumped off his horse and separated everyone just as planned and we smiled at one another.

Once everyone boarded the ship with their horses and supplies the boatsman walked over to Jia Xu and I.

"Is this everyone? I thought there would be more."

I shake my head, "This is everyone sir, thank you for your help."

He shakes my head, in a confused manner and walked off.

As we began to set sail the seagulls had flown so high that they weren't recognizable anymore. The sunlight flared in my eyes and I lifted my hood to counteract the light. I tightened my grip over my sword and filled myself with determination. Just you watch-

 _Just you watch FengXiao, we will win and I will be home. Just wait a little while longer._

 **[Guo Jia]**

I sat in my room, reading silently. The room was lighted from the sunlight and I sat on my bed. After reading the last paragraph I closed the book and limply laid my arm on my lap.

Coughing out a bit, the book fell from my hands and I laid back onto my bed, allowing myself to be absorbed by the silky fabric. Looking at the side Yuanzhi slept on. I could almost seem him, his spiky black hair all disheveled, his light breathing and how close he was holding me. I could feel the essence of his every touch, as the feelings seem to lingered on my skin.

 _Dear heavens, what has he done to me?_

I turn onto my side and stare blankly at my decor. I just wish-

 _I just wish I didn't have to wait._

 **[A/N] ABHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Xu Shu is getting so confident too! I love him so much. I love them all. In this chapter I wanted to express Jia Xu and xu Shu's friendship a little more, give them their time since they're stuck together right now. Oh and "** **Zhānxīng shī " means stargazer by google translate. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. See you next chapter!**


	24. Flaming Rain

**[Xu Shu]**

Night had fallen, and the boats calmly sailed into Chi bi. Lord Cao Cao rode on a dingy meters in front of the fleet. I stood in the front of of boat. Observing the coastline and seeing if any Wu soldiers are guarding it. As Our boat approached I could see a hill, on it sat an impressive base. I couldn't see it too well due to the fog, but I knew of it's existence.

"Lord Xu Shu, the dingy has landed onto the grounds! Lord Cao Cao is heading for a base.

I nod and look up to the messenger, who is watching Lord Cao Cao's movements from the observer bowl. He stands inside the high balcony-type area and uses his arms to extend his vision.

"Xu Shu." I turn to see Xiahou Dun, speaking to me. I bow to him respectively.

"What is it Xiahou Dun?" he crosses his arm and looks off to where the dingy had landed.

"Are you sure my cousin is going to be alright?"

I nod, and pat his shoulder reassuringly.

"Lord Cao Cao is a strong man, he won't fall easily." I turn back and look up to the sky.

Our boats finally connect back to the docks of Chi bi, and we are able to go out when needed.

Everyone gets out their weapons and gets prepared for battle. The silence was almost nerve wracking. Nothing seemed to happen, and there was no sign of our lord.

A orange glow shine above us. I look up to see-

"Fire Arrows!"

What?!

Like rain they fell from the sky, as the fire quickly had spread through the ship. Cavalry men struggled to calm their horse, even falling back into the water.

I jump away and avoid the fire arrows, frantically looking up.

"What do you see?!" I yell up to the messenger, but he didn't reply. Could he be-

"Damnit-" I bolt quickly to the absolute tip of the boat and look around rapidly. And I see White, black, and green fabric flutter in the wind.

My eyes widened unable to comprehend what I'm seeing.

Zhuge Liang sat in the high standing base, arms and war fan in air in a prayer stance. Beside him, the Wu strategist Zhou Yu, who stood guard of his circle.

 _Why is Shu here? They shouldn't be- And why is he doing a prayer?!_

Just then I feel the eerie breeze of wind. The boat was starting to catch large fire and It's flame rose behind me. I could only watched as the fire had flowed from one boat to another, causing panic and burning the wooden ships.

"No!" I bolt from the edge onto the boat, searching for warriors. It seems like everyone ran, because of the lack of people and corpses.

The smoke caused my to cough as I ran from the main boat, trying my best to avoid the flames.

 _Wu and Shu came together to fight us! I have to find Jia Xu!_

I hear a large crash as I panic and look to my side. Wu and Shu soldiers ran onto our boats rapidly. Upon seeing me they bolted to me for attacks. I twirls my hook and hook it up to the messenger's post and swing myself away from them.

I landed on the next boat over, only seeing the same thing: flames and enemies.

This time an older but muscular man had approached me, With a large Arm Blade. He smirks at me with confidence.

"Well, well, well. Trying to run?"

I pant and look around, as Shu and Wu soldiers slowly gather themselves around me. I twirl my sword and point it at the leading man as he lets out a deep haughty laugh.

"Do your worst, child!"

He ran to me, almost like a gorilla, and drags the large arm blade through the wooden flooring under us, cutting it as he slices upwards at me. I blocked the attack but almost lost my balance as the flooring under me almost fell apart.

I look up to see a large arm blade, as I panic and teleport myself away. Sadly only a few feet, and my blue and purple aura gave away my location. But I took the chance and ran from the man and his unit.

I bolted as fast as I could and I ended a few boats away, but my progress was halted when-

Crash!

I heard a thunderstrike, and it was not my own. I look and see the same White, black, and green fabric. He held a feathered war fan and waved it gently before his face, but when he made eye contact with me, he stood in shock. And then behind him came in a man wearing green with a large feather hat, holding dual swords. But upon seeing me he did the same. It was only us in this area so we had full view of each other.

Even though the flame surround us, it didn't cause me to move. My hands had shook and I faced the truth that I was running from for a long while.

Zhuge Liang and Liu Bei stood before me….as my enemies.

"Yuanzhi." Zhuge Liang spoke out to me, almost meekly. All Liu Bei could do was stare at me.

Liu Bei's eyes softened and he stepped towards me, "Xu Shu...You're okay.."

My heart sunk, hands had trembled, and I could feel my breath just stop.

"You're alright...but….why are you...with Wei?"

I didn't know what to say, My stance felt less steady and I bit my lip.

" _Would you rather fight against Shu?"_

FengXiao and his words reverberated in my mind. His plastered smiling face and his lovely hazel eyes. My resolves hardened a little more and I lifted my hood over my head. I see Kongming throw his arm in front of Lord Liu Bei.

"I'm sorry Lord Zhuge Liang, Lord Liu Bei. But I am a Wei apprentice strategist. And I-"

I muster up my aura and have sparks collect around my body, viciously pointing my sword to them with my other hand holding my ribbon.

"-will not back down so easily!"

 **[Guo Jia]**

 _It was a lovely night._

Gazing out at the stars, seems to be a habit I picked up from Yuanzhi. Just imagining his chocolate eyes, glittering the reflection of the moonlight, It was enough to send away the loneliness. I didn't have anyone. All my closest friends were off at the battle, and I know most of the low ranking soldiers feared me. And I couldn't even imagine sleeping with someone again.

Ever since, I ever truly let Yuanzhi into my life I never dared think of another man or woman in a sexual light. He owned my heart, soul, mind, and body and I was sure to give it all to him.

 _All I have to do is wait._

My breath hitched from slight side pain, and I let out an agonized exhale. Mist came around me as I rubbed the aching area. As I make the conclusion to go inside and relax. I walk to my room silently, feeling a foreign weight. The weight of being the one waiting.

When I reached into my bed, I looked out the window once more, grazing my fingers on my arms. Reliving the embrace from our last night together.

 _And I couldn't help but smile._

 **[Xu Shu]**

CRASH!

I jumped away from the violent crash of thunder, my boots skidding against the wood of the ships. Hurry a weak creak under me, my leg fell in. I stabbed my sword in the ground and struggled to pull myself back up.

Zhuge Liang slowly walks towards me and lifts his fan high into the fire-filled air. I quickly pull myself out and roll away from the thunderstrike he placed at my position. I quickly stood and turned and charges at him. I held my sword in front of me as my aura accumulated around me. I started to speed up and I flashed myself up and around him. I slightly flown in the air above him and threw my sword down to make a large thunderstrike.

He skids back as I land to the ground. Though, I hear frantic footsteps and I narrowly dodge Liu Bei's dual swords. I duck and block his onslaught, as we are stuck in a clash. I tense my grip on my sword as I stared at the upset man's face.

Wind ha hit me from my side and forced my clash with Lord Liu Bei to end. I trip to the side and roll. Looking up, I quickly notice a stance Liu Bei took as he held his sword at a cross. He stood still and skillfully whirled as Lightning gathered around him. Zhuge Liang lifted his an and I knew that this attack would be impossible to dodge. I hold my arms over my head and squeeze my eyes shut.

CRASH!

I had flown off the boat and into the water. My limbs had ached from the strike and my eyes couldn't open in the water. I struggled to move, attempting to swim to the surface, only for my side to send an unbearable pain through me. I could only twitch and I was losing air supply.

 _N-no! I can't let this happen!_

I was growing weaker and my lungs strained. I opened my mouth and they painfully filled with water. MY vision began to fade and I fell limp.

 **[A/N] JESUS! Why can't I leave Xu Shu alone!? Well…..The genre does say angst after all? ^^' I know this one took a while but SCHOOL IS HARD! Anyway, I've been working hard to continue this fanfic and make it the best as it can be. I hope you continue to enjoy and cheer Xu Shu on (like Guo Jia is) through this! See you next chapter!**


	25. An Unwelcomed Reunion

**[Guo Jia]**

I had awoke from my sleep, seeing the stone walls of my room. In the distance a owl's 'hoo' echoed and I sat up. A quick yawn was enough for the side pain to restart and I groan in detest.

 _I need some fresh air._

I lean over and unhatch the window's locks. Using a bit of my strength to lift it open. Instantly the wind greets me and I relax

A sigh as I summon an orb and lean against its smooth surface. Enjoying the cool wind brushed against my barely covered body. It's supremely comforting.

I let out a smooth, comfortable breath-

 **[Xu Shu]**

SPLASH!

Ragged coughing and breathing was all the sound I could muster. I felt my body being pulled and dragged out of the rolling waves. As the waters continue to hit me and whoever helped me, he stumbled and I coughed more. Spitting out the salty liquid harshly.

"Damnit, Zhānxīng shī!" I recognized the voice and nickname instantly.

"Jia X-"

"I'm here doing my damndest to keep us alive and you're going to drown? That's a rich imagination you got."

I hear the crunch of ground and he falls and my limp body rolls onto the sand. I heaved and wheezed, regaining the use of my lungs. I hear Jia Xu cough and spit beside me as he scoots over to me.

"Is..everyone okay?" My voice was hoarse and quiet but I mustered it up enough to be hear.

He nods. "Lord Cao Cao, is on his way to retreat, and Nanny Dun is barging his way throw men."

I cough, "Xiahou Yuan, Zhang He, Cao Ren….Yue Jin and Li Dian...what about them?"

He looks out to the water. "Last I've seen Yuan riding with Dun. Zhang He seemed to be aiding the ships. And Li Dian and Yue Jin should be with Lord Cao Cao."

I inhale and exhale rapidly, regaining my strength but as I try to move my limbs ached. Through sheer force, I sit up and my every move felt agonizing.

I look to see Jia Xu hold my weapon out to me. Turning to him, he held a smile on his face.

"We still have a battle to win."

I nod and take my sword and hook, standing up even if it's wobbly. Jia Xu stands and takes out his chain and sickle.

"What do we do now?" I ask.

"The plan is to find Lord Cao Cao and retreat along with him. That's all we can do."

I nod and shake my legs a little, getting them used to movement. And we set off through the battlefield once more. Jia Xu ran ahead but I kept up, despite the pain.

We managed to avoid enemy eyes, sneaking by and aiming for the forest away from the docks. Though that didn't last long.

I looked down and noticed a silver wire, quickly grabbing Jia Xu and pulling him away from it. Slight flashes went through my head of the past.

"What the hell Xu Shu!?" Jia Xu whispers in an angry tone.

I point down to the wire and he recognized the technique. I looked around and saw a turret in the distance. If we were to trip this wire, it would surely fire. I carefully step over it and Jia Xu follows, continuing onwards.

We kept our guards up, in case of pincer attacks or more traps. Not only are in Wu territory but even Shu is here, putting us at a tragic disadvantage. I kept my eyes looking around as we slowly moved through the bushes. Quietly and then-

"HYA!"

I sharply turned and blocked the surprise attack, The attacker flipped back and landed. Jia Xu threw his sickle and the attacker swiped it away. They ran back at us and I jumped back, making me go through a bush. I skid as I land, and a quick adjustment of my feet. I look up to see-

"M..Mei?"

I couldn't believe it. _I didn't_ _ **want**_ _to believe it._

She looked up as the moonlight shone on her. Her black hair, tied into a complicated braid style, that makes it look like 2 buns. She wore a green headband with bows on either side and a fitting green patterned summer loose pants with drak green boots similar to the grass. She held two small circle blades and she looked like she was only a preteen.

I stared at her, and when she realized her eyes had widened.

"ShuShu…?"

Jia Xu stood behind her, roughly grabbing her and wrapping the sickle blade and barely having it touch her neck. I step forward roughly as she dropped her blades and struggled against his grip.

"JIA XU! STOP!"

I yelled at him, he looked at me in shock.

"Xu Shu, do you know this girl?"

I take a deep breath and nod, "Please her go..she is but a child."

Mei had continued to struggle against his grip and flailed her feet. She yelled at Jia Xu but he didn't listen.

I hear footsteps behind me and it immediately clicked.

 _If Mei is here then…_

The second my face turn, I flew back a little from a punch. I caught my balance and rubbed my face, bleeding from the nose from the blow.

Lu Shan didn't look different at all, as he roughly walked up to me. His eyes were livid and his sword was sharp. He smirked, showing off his large and sharp teeth.

"Welcome, fairy. Did you miss us?"

 **[Guo Jia]**

 _It truly is a beautiful night._

 **[A/N]...yep! Lu Shan and Mei are here and…..yep! I know timeline wise it's weird to have Mei so old. But, I did say in the story that it's been years ever since Xu Shu left Mei before Xinye and It's been a lot of months before this battle. If you're wondering Mei is like 11 or 12. So….yeah. Poor Xu Shu but give it some time! ^^ Anyway I hoped you enjoyed this short but dramatic chapter! See you in the next one!**


	26. Message

**[Xu Shu]**

My blade clashed with Lu Shan's, over and over again, refusing to let one another get the upper hand. Lu Shan was stronger but I kept myself moving to add more weight to my slices. But I haven't used any of my aura, in fear I would mortally wound him and kill him. I back flip and leap back over to him with a strong slash.

"Alot more aggressive this time, fairy." He mocks.

I'm pushed back by him but quickly support my footing, Immediately ducking to avoid a horizontal slash.

"Where was this last time!?" He yells as he lifts his sword above him to slice down at me. I quickly tuck and roll away.

"ShuShan!" Mei calls out to Lu Shan, struggling against Jia Xu's grip.

I felt bad but I had no time to react for Lu Shan's furious attempt at a back attack. I twirl and block another slice, ending in a rough clash.

"Why are you here? And why did you bring Mei?" My voice came out harsh.

He chuckles and places a smirk on his face.

"Aren't too happy to see us? I get it, " He steps forward roughly and pushes me down again, I struggle against the weight of him.

"More importantly, why are _you_ with Wei?!"

My hand starts to cramp from the assumption of continuously holding my position. I lift my legs cautiously and kick him in his chest. He grunts as he is pushed away and I quickly stand back up.

"Shu Shan!"

Lu Shan and I whip our heads over to them. Where at that moment Jia Xu knocked Mei out quickly and picked her like a potato sack.

"You Sonuvabitch!" Shan angrily charges at Xu and he hastily jumps away holding the small girl's body.

I twirl my sword and focus my aura as I watch Lu Shan attempt to attack Jia Xu. Blue and Purple light surrounded me and I got into a running position. I take off and zip in front of Jia Xu and block a strike by Lu Shan. He clicks his tongue in frustration and attempts to swat me away. I kept up my speed and jumps for a large slice. He blocks it and has me land farther away.

"Xu Shu! This is how you choose to run!?"

My eyes widen as I look up at him, as he roughly pants and stares at me in disdain.

"My brother takes you in, allows you to care for his family and then you just watch it burn and leave Mei behind?!"

I went silent, my aura fading and leaving behind a pitiful man.

Shan's words went from a confused anger to a soft coo of woe. He didn't cry though, and his grip onto his sword held firm.

"Mei was waiting for you...for years she had waited for you. She's 11 now Xu Shu, you missed years of her life!"

I couldn't reply but I could feel my heart twinge in pain. My hand trembled on the hilt of my sword, the ribbon falling in between the fingers.

"And this is how you greet her again!? You….You worthless scum of an un-"

A sickle had surrounding Shan's throat and he had froze in place, all words leaving him then. Jia Xu stood behind him, holding his weapon with a fury in his eyes.

"Maybe you should learn to keep your mouth shut, Báichī…" Jia Xu spoke with a certain intimidation that sent a shiver down my spine.

"Now drop your sword."

Lu Shan stood still, but soon the sword slide from his hands and fell onto the grass. He raises his arms and got on his knees and I let out a sigh.

I stood up and looked around the forest area, the sun was already coming up, and we had failed. By now Lord Cao Cao has escaped and everyone else should be with him. All we have to do is return to Luo Yang as grouped as we can.

I looked up to the fading sky, warm colors started to replace the night and It was honestly beautiful. But the uneasiness settled poorly in my heart. I had told FengXiao that we would be successful, that we would win. But..we didn't.

He'll be disappointed and maybe even more cautious about being the strategist from now on. I can only hope that he'll for-

"Zhānxīng shī!" My head whips around only to find myself greet with a new pain.

It was sharp and it landed in my chest, blood fell from my lips and it only seemed to flow. My eyes shakily travel downward to see Lu Shan's sword diagonally in my chest. When they returned up, Lu Shan had grunted painfully and had falled to the ground with the sickle in his back. Then everything went hazy and the stab wound became unbearable. Wobbling I lost my balance and I fell onto my back.

I hear rapid crunching of grass and a body kneeled beside me quickly.

"Xu Shu! Stay with me! Xu Shu!"

 **[Guo Jia]**

It was mid day here in Luo yang and I enjoyed walking through the town. I had bought some new books and I decided to read them in the garden. It was sunny and the breeze blew by every so slightly.

My legs crossed effortlessly and the book fit seemingly perfectly in between my fingers. The delicate scent of the various flowers was lovely accompaniment. And the wist of the wind was magical.

 _If only Yuanzhi was here._

I chuckle at the thought, reminding myself that I sound like a lovesick housewife. Smiling, I flipped the page in the book and continued reading about it.

SLAM!

I tense up and whip my head to the garden doors. I see one of the army messengers panting wildly in the doorway. I close my book and motion for him to come to me.

He marches his way to me and pants even more roughly.

"What seems to be the problem? Why are you in such a pani-?"

"Lord Xu Shu and Jia Xu are missing!"

Everything had stopped. The scenery and world around me that was once so nice, seemed to standstill and all I could do was stare at the messenger.

My eyes had widened and my mouth moved on it's own.

"W-What do you mean 'missing'?" My voice was a whimper.

"Lord Cao Cao and the troops failed and retreated from Chibi and they were nowhere to be found! And the last of them to be seen was Lord Xu Shu falling into the ocean!"

My hand twitch and my breathing began to rush. My chest was strike with a horrible pain and I could only pant. I began to cough uncontrollably and the messenger panicked at the sight.

"Lord Guo Jia!"

I couldn't even manage a word, my entire body being thrown into this violent cough fit and sound instead of mucus, blood came from it.

I fell out of the chair and gripped onto the blades of grass. My other hand clawed at my throat, attempting to force a breath out.

"I'll get a doctor!" I heard the young messenger take off as I weekly coughed farther in pain. Tears had welled in my eyes and I simply began to lay on the ground as I coughed.

I feel them fall and I twitch in agony as the coughs had finally stopped, but breathing still hurt tremendously.

" _FengXiao!"_

My eyes travelled up on the their own and I saw Yuanzhi and Wenhe. I knew I was hallucinating but I felt so weak that I couldn't fight it.

" _You doing okay down there?"_

The hallucinations were cruel to look at but I couldn't push them away.

" _Are you alright FengXiao?" Yuanzhi spoke sweetly._

" _He must be tried. He never lays down on the job!" Wenhe replied sarcastically._

My body twitch and my breathing stayed ragged. My lips hung open doing my best to process air throughout my body.

" _You should rest up. Take a load off."_ Jia Xu…

" _We'll handle everything…"_ Xu Shu.

My eyes had closed and my mouth shuts.

 **[A/N]...ouch. Nothing else to say but…..ouch. My feels…. I'm sorry. This chapter is just a bunch of action and angst but…..ouch. Guo Jia and Xu Shu are going through pains. And Jia Xu just wanted to save his friend. Lu Shan is still mad and Mei is but a little girl stuck in all of this. ….Man.**

 **Oh! Báichī means 'idiot' according to google translate and we all know Jia Xu's nickname for Shu.**

 **Wish everyone luck they will need it! I hope you enjoyed! See you next chapter!**


	27. A Simple Gesture

**[Guo Jia]**

My eyes weakly opened,landing on a pale white ceiling. My breath was audible but weak. I was unable to really grasp onto where I was. The window was open and cool evening winds blew in.

My eyes look to my side to find, Wang Yi sitting in the distance. She sat with her legs and arms crossed in silence. Her eyes opened and she looked at me.

"Glad to see you're finally awake." her voice was more or less monotone.

I look back towards the ceiling, collecting memories to see what happened.

"What happened to me?" I end up asking her.

I hear her armor clank as she adjusts her posture. "I would prefer not to say just incase you have another attack."

My eyes blink in a confused manner, but it quickly clicked in my mind. I went silent, trying to control my emotions. Knowing that If I have another attack it will wearing harshly on my already weak body. I slowly attempt to sit up, immediately feeling a hand on my chest. I look up to see Wang Yi, glaring at me.

"The doctor said 'No getting up.' So no getting up."

I knew I couldn't win in an argument with her, even if I was right. So I laid back down.

She steps back, cautiously, almost as if I'll spring up o her and sits back down in her chair. I turn to the window looking out to the dusk sky, the blue of the sky quickly fading

 _Night is going to fall soon._

"I'm guessing you heard about Chi bi?" Wang Yi spoke up suddenly.

I didn't reply, there was no need for me to. She sighs and I presume, scoots closer to me.

"Look, My Lord, I'm not one to force myself into another's life. However, On this self-destructive road you're on...You will only die faster. It's obvious, at least now it is, to everyone that you're ill."

I turn my head and look at the young woman sitting beside me, Her face looked stone cold but she spoke with slight care in her voice.

"You're destroying yourself, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Wei cannot see you fall so early, it would devastate us."

I nod to her, knowing the importance of my position. She turns back away and crosses her arms once more.

"I do not know of the relationship you have with your fellow strategist. I barely know your apprentice's name. But…" She paused, "Whenever you are with them, I have never seen you so alive."

I playfully chuckle, "You watch me that much Yi?"

She shoots a dangerous glare at me and sighs ignoring my comment.

"I'm only saying this as a fellow soldier." She paused again, and looked at me straight in the eye, "If they were to come home to their master's dead body...How would they feel?"

Lying there, I went silent, Whipped by the cruel words she spat out. She said such a depressing thing so calmly, and it was probably true. My head turned and looked back up to the ceiling. Thinking back on my actions, realizing my mistakes.

I tried so desperately to hide my illness from the soldiers, fearing that they would be more focused on my health than the ambition of the man we all protect. Yuanshi was the only person I told, and Wenhe has a heavy hunch about it. But, because of my hiding it, I haven't gotten the treatment I may need.

I look back out of the window, gazing at the clouds in the dusk sky.

"You know both of them are missing in action?"

"Yes," She quickly replied, "But missing doesn't mean dead."

We sat in a comfortable silence for a while, my eyes straying off and looking around the room a couple of times. When my eyes returned to the young woman sitting intimidatingly in the chair, I speak up.

"They are strong men, Xu Shu and Jia Xu."

She glances up from under her dark brown bangs and smirk almost sweetly to me. Closing her eyes again, she adjust her sitting position to leaning back in the chair with switched legs.

"I've heard."

 **[Xu Shu]**

 _The sun is so bright, It hangs so high in the sky. The trees too, sit high in the sky. They almost mask the star's rays._

When I reached up, my hand so much smaller. I look at it and find myself in a casual training warrior robes. I quickly sit up and feel my face. It had no facial hair, and my hair was slightly longer, the ends tickling the nape of my neck. Scrambling to stand I run to a nearby lake and look at myself.

 _I'm...a child!_

Frantically, I feel my body again, fingers curving around a smaller frame without any injuries.

"Fu!"

That seemingly foreign name called out from behind me. I whip my head around to find my eyes landing on someone, a woman.

She was tall and slim, long black hair identical to my own. Her brown eyes, also like mine,themselves smiled at me. She wore a home robe with a pretty floral design on it. It was poorly stitched though, the fabric obviously behind held together by the sash around her waist.

She walks over to me and kneels nicely, my eyes frozen on this woman.

"M-mama?" my voice came out as a crack, or a whimper.

My mother head tilts softly, almost rhythmic. "Fu? Is something wrong?"

I took a step back, trying to refuse what is being shown to me. My mouth opens and I muster out a voice.

"I-I'm not Shan Fu!" I cried out, as strong as I can.

She smiled at me, instantly weakening my resolve.

"Thats funny, I remember feeding and caring for a boy named Shan Fu." After adjusting her robe to land behind her knees she kneeled completely to me and stared at me.

My heart twinged in so much pain and my breathing began to race. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where I was, but I knew this isn't reality.

Her hand reaches out to me and I step back again. Squeezing my eyes shut as I anticipated an attack.

I feel my hair getting ruffled, softly and gently as her fingers rubs back and forth on the back of my head. I open my eyes and she slowly pulls me into her arms, as I melt into her hold.

This feeling of security and warmth, tenderness and love, it felt weird. But It's been years the last time I've even seen my mother. But here she is, young, sweet, and holding me softly.

 _This is bliss._

My hand grips onto her robe and attempt to get closer to her, loving the sensation of my mother's touch.

Suddenly, she pulls away slowly, and I look up at her. The hand on the back of my hand goes around and cups my small cheeks. Her smile widens and her brown eyes become much warmer.

"Shan Fu. My special little spark…"

The nostalgic nickname feels so refreshing to hear again. He thumb rubs the sligh fat of my cheek and she slide her hand down and plays with the collar of my robe. I stared at her face, feeling a smile tug at my face, and her hand reaches my chest.

"I love you."

"I love you to, mam-"

A sudden rush of tremendous pain flew from me. My mother grips my chest attempting to pull something out, her warm smile becoming vicious. My back arched in agony, my eyes looking back up to the sky.

"Damnit!" a deep voice called out.

The scenery slightly changed, My eyes still seeing the bright sun covered by tall trees. My back arched higher, and my hands gripped the blade of grass under me. I see blue in my peripheral, and when I look I see-

 _Lord Xiahou Dun!?_

The pain fades a little and I lay back down as I roughly pant in agony. Xiahou Dun, held onto the hilt of the sword in my chest. He roughly pants and looks up to Jia Xu, who held bandages.

My chest was exposed, feeling the breeze blow as I shiver from fear and cold.

"Alright, 1...2….3!"

"AHHH!"

He pulls ruthlessly, and the pain comes back. Blood pours from my wound and my mouth as I arch my back sharply. Jia Xu holds my wrist as I writhe and wail.

I feel the sword slide, the sharp metal remaking contact with my chest. I cough out blood and my wailing doesn't stop. My nails dug violently into the earth and my toes curled in my boots.

The sword slide out with ease and my wailing became weak whimpers s I fall back onto the ground.

"Go! Jia Xu!"

"Right!" Instantly I feel the bandages wrap around me. My chest heaves randomly but rapidly as I attempting to breath. I twitched, unable to take the leftover pain , my lips trembling and my eyes couldn't focus.

I hear a rip and I see Jia Xu, lean in a look at me.

"Dun! He's awake!"

I hear the grass getting crushed as he walked over. My arm is grabbed and I feel my limp body being lifted. Landing onto Xiahou Dun, He grunts and get's a better grip on me.

"L….Lord Xia-"

"Stop talking. We're gonna get you home." I feel him turn as my body reacts to his movements.

"Jia Xu! Get the prisoners!"

Prisoners?

My eyes twitch as I attempt to move, Xiahou Dun's grip forcing me stil.

"M-...Mei." my voice whimpered and My fingers twitched from over Dun's shoulder.

I hear the crunch of the grass below me, and I bounce as Xiahou Dun walks. I hang on his back loosely, feeling as If I could fall at any moment. My chest burns from the sword, and but the blood seems to have calmed down and stopped pouring as bad.

My eyes flashed to the side and see Mei looking up at me. Her eyes looked terrified, and I do my best to smile at her. She quickly turns away and I close my eyes.

" _Shan Fu…My special little Spark!"_

My mother's voice same to mind, the illusion seemingly returned and I watched the trees slowly pass.

And I could swear I saw a woman and a young boy walk away from me.

 _I swore I saw me and my mother._

 **[A/N] AHH! Yep….Xu Shu had a sword get pulled out of his chest…..Ouch! But Yeah I wanted to give Guo Jia someone to talk to and I realized I never included Wang Yi into the story so I thought this would be a great place. Luckily Xiahou Dun wasn't far enough to save Xu Shu too! But sadly Mei can't look him in the eye. Also, yes, Xu Shu's mother was a lovely woman. I hope you enjoyed this look into Shan Fu's life. See you next chapter!**


	28. Healing Takes Time

**[Xu Shu]**

Consciousness felt brief during the travels, I would pass out more often then even have my eyes open. It didn't feel as relaxing as sleep, more like disoriented thoughts of anxiety and agony in between unconsciousness.

This time I'm in FengXiao's room, severely different background than the past dreams. I was laying on his bed, and it seemed like morning just hit. The window was shut and sunlight shone vividly through it. I look beside myself to see him laying there, breathing more clear than I had ever heard. His blonde hair, seemingly glowing from the sunlight. His seemingly delicate form slightly covered by a robe that hung loosely off of his body, leaving his shoulder exposed.

I leaned down, my breath taken by how stunning he looked as I run my hand through his hair. The tips of my fingers sliding through the thin strands seamlessly. I slide my finger down the sculpted features of his face, leaning closer to him. My hand slides down to his neck and I slowly to wrap my arm around him. My lips seem to unconsciously peck his forehead. He leaned farther into me, making me smile in a serene manner.

"Mmm…"

Hearing the slight hum of his voice, I look to see his hazel eyes slowly opening. His eyelashes flutter as he blinks ever so slightly and looks up to me, his head tilting back so he can get a better look. He smiles at me, looking like a stunning angel, making me smile back.

We leaned in, almost in unison, and our lips had met.

It...felt right, completely different from the first kiss. This serene environment might've helped. His soft mattress, the shining sunlight, the almost warming silence, it made this feel perfect. His lips felt so soft and the kiss felt warm, even loving.

We pulled away and smiled at each other once more. My eyes closing as I relaxed my head back onto the pillows. As he moved closer into my arms. This felt perfect-

A sharp pain had stabbed me in my chest, and the sublime area changed almost instantly. My eyes snapped open to find myself surrounded by fire, With brown eyes glaring at me. When the face pulled away, it was Lu Shan...or Lu Huang? I couldn't tell anymore. He held a large sword, as it was stabbed through my chest, and blood poured from my mouth.

The flames continued to rise and my eyes frantically looked around to them. The sword is abruptly yanked from my chest, causing my body to fall forward.

The ground vanished and….I'm falling! The vicious wind feeling razor sharp as I fell. My body flails as I panic! My body ends up turning and I see Zhuge Liang stand high above me on a cliff, The wind seemingly coming from him, Pushing me farther down and faster.

My body violently splashes into water, and my panicking become even worse, I try to cry out but I grab my throat in an attempt to not drink the salty deathly water.

My eyes naturally look to my right, seeing Mei from many years ago, as she slowly sinks in the water. Her body looked limp and weak, and When I turned the other way, I saw Jia Xu, in the same predicament.

I tried to call out to them, but I couldn't, bubbles blowing profusely from me.

And as quickly as I saw them, they slowly faded away, into almost nothing. As I cried for them even more so, but my lungs filled with water and I started to fall unconscious again.

When my eyes open I laid on a bed, my breath heaving from me weakly. I lip my lips and bite them nervously, afraid I'm still dreaming. My eyes darting quickly throughout the room. Landing on Jia Xu, who sat in a chair near me, who glanced at me but did a double take.

"Xu Shu!" He said, quickly scooting his chair closer to me. My breath slowly steadied out and I reach my hand up and rub my throat gently.

"Are you alright? Need something?" He asks, worriedly.

I slowly sit up, shaking my head. Looking to my friend, I took a deep breath and calmed myself down.

"Where are we?"

He looks up, "We had made it to a Wei guard base outside of Wu territory. You've been pretty much out for two days."

I blink rapidly, not believing what I was being told. Two whole days!?

I look down, gripping the sheets under my body.

"The stab wound really took a toll on your body. For a while, Dun and I thought you were dead."

I look back up to him, as he leaned over, placing his elbows on his knees.

"Yeah...Sorry."

He shook his head, and sat up a little more. "You're alright. That's all that matters."

I look back down and touch my wrapped up chest wound. The wrapping felt much more tighter than I remembered. I'm guessing they got a doctor to look at it in a better degree.

"Xu Shu." My name came out randomly, making me look over to Jia Xu.

"How do you know those prisoners?"

I tensed up, unconsciously and look down and away from him. I felt his gaze on me, but I didn't really know what to say. And I knew full well I couldn't lie.

"It's….a long story." I simply resorted to answering.

"Would you be willing to tell me?" he asked again.

My eyes could only look down, not really knowing what to say, or _how_ to say it.

"...Yes."

Jia Xu scoots a little bit closer and patiently waits for me to start the story. I take a deep breath, and turn to him.

"Before I joined Wei….I was a traveller…"

 **[Guo Jia]**

I was up and walking around again, even though the doctors didn't advise me to do so. Wang Yi is severely upset with me to be moving again but , like usual, I ignore her. I appreciate her concern, but after her talk….I definitely can't mope.

 _Yuanzhi and Wenhe are still out there...they must be!_

I have been working tirelessly, to make a squad that assist in bring home troops. I have gathered a few warriors and other soldiers to help me in this plight.

I'm planning for us to move out on the search tomorrow, and I have already planned out the roads to take. The quickest way for us to find them, is to split up and take the quick roads back. Every shortcut possible back to LuoYang from the East must be considered a possible route back.

Standing back at the exit of the town, I find myself leaning against a tree from slight breathing pains. My finger tenderly slide against my throat as if trying to feel for the source.

A sigh escapes my lips as I turn and walk back into the town. The people approach me and talk to me, making me reply and be friendly. I don't mind it of course, but it doesn't feel the same when I'm away from the army.

When I reach back to the castle, I walk in to see Wang Yi standing in the corridor, arms crossed, and foot tapping.

I smiled weakly and roll my eyes at her, walking towards the direction of my room.

"Hello Yi." I greet.

"My lord," She skips the greeting and her heels click as she follows me.

I knew what was coming, she was mad, and I was the victim. Another sigh escapes me as I keep walking.

"You know full well, that this random agenda you've setted up isn't good for your health."

I don't reply, there's no need for me too. She follows after me vigorously and almost violently.

"My lord," She continued, venom in her voice " You are _not_ leaving LuoYang."

I stop in my tracks, my boots meeting the ground in an accidental stomp. My head faced downward, finger curling into a gloved fist.

"I never told you not to go for Ma Chao after you declared you quest for revenge."

"Guo Jia, that is different-"

"How?" I interrupted, the word coming out harsher than I have intended.

She went silent for a moment, audibly breathing in her frustration with me.

"My revenge against Ma Chao is very different. I want to see him dead, writhe beneath me and to make him suffer. It's not self-detriment, Unlike you who is-"

"Yi," I interrupted again, "...Have you ever felt love?"

She went silent for a moment, but I hear her heels click again for some time.

"No, I have not."

"Do you believe in love?" I asked.

She went silent again as her heels stopped directly behind me.

"I don't know." She replied.

"Well….this sacrifice I am full ready to commit to...is for love." My words fell from my lips effortlessly, my eyes looking down the hall in front of me.

"Jia Xu and Xu Shu….are _very_ important to me. _Wei_ in itself, is _very_ important to me. So, as the leading Wei strategist, with or without illness, everything action I take will be for my _love_ of Wei."

She went silent, no witty comment or snarky remark back. Just silence, from the both of us, as I laid my feelings out and bare for her.

I felt my back be slightly pushed and rubbed in a soothing way. But when I turned away, she began to leave. She didn't turn back, but she raised her arms and waved gently to me.

"Yi-"

"I'll see you at the checkpoint tomorrow morning."

And I couldn't help but smile and thank her.

 **[Xu Shu]**

"

"Before I joined Wei….I was a traveller…"

I started off my story from the life of 'Xu Shu', looking down into my hands that limply sat on top of the soft blanket.

"I had a friend...a good friend, and he referred me to a village. A nice, small, quaint village home to a very smart scholar."

Jia Xu listened to me silently, allowing me to take pauses whenever needed.

"...I met Lu Huang. A friendly blacksmith who fixed my weapon to what it is currently…...After a few trials, given by the scholar...I ended up living with them. And I met his daughter...Mei."

He nods, understanding my words and not questioning me any further.

"We ...were like a family. Lu Huang, Jiang Ping, Lu Mei, and I...were fairly close and lived together for almost a year… Until the Yellow Turbans came around."

I bit my lip, lifting my knees , curling myself up and hiding my face.

"It all happened so fast...I was knocked out for some time due to a trip wire trap….and then when I awoke…..all I saw was fire."

My memories flood clearly, making me relive the tragedy. My lips quivered as I tried to keep my composure as I told the story.

"...When I went to the village to save people….Mei was the only one left."

"...I see." He spoke up gently, almost trying to whisper reassuringly to me.

"Lu Shan is her uncle, and after the fire he took us both in and took care of Mei…..He became the father that she still desperately needed…..So I left them."

"...I know this will be hard to answer but….why?" He said his every word delicately, trying to not emotionally hurt me...more than I already am.

"...Because I only bring pain to others."

The statement came out weakly, I had begun to cry and it came out with a cracking, unsteady voice. I whimpered and sniffled weakly, my composure and fragile will shattering in front of Jia Xu.

I feel a hand on my back, rubbing up and down gently in a soothing manner.

"Zhānxīng shī," My personalized nickname came out and I slightly looked up at him, my vision massively blurred by the tears.

"I'm still here...you're not a burden to me. Hell, Nanny Dun ran back here to save you!" He makes slightly wacky gestures to cheer me up, as he leans onto his knees again.

"And then Guo Jia...He's still patiently waiting at home for us to return." He pats my back with a more firm touch, but still reassuring.

"It'll be fine...Wei is here for you."

I nod and try to calm down, wiping my tears with my sleeves and the blanket. Jia Xu stands up and stretches out a bit.

"Welp, gotta go check on Nanny Dun. He'll be relieved to know you're awake. "

I nod as I lay back down in the bed, relaxing and trying to let my chest wound less bothersome.

"Rest up Zhānxīng shī, We have to catch up to the main army to get home." HE walks out, calmly as he closes the room quietly. As I turned onto my side, slightly feeling pain in my chest from the wound. I reflexively touch it, instantly reminding me of FengXiao.

Worry washes over me, "I hope he has been taking care of himself."

The initial dream replays in my mind, the calm environment as we had….kissed. I don't hate the idea….nor technically the action. But I never truly thought about it until now. This feeling is very foreign to me,and I have been aware of it for a long while. How he is always my priority, and how he is always on my mind.

 _Am...Am I in love?_

The realization felt like a brick wall against my brain. I man-..Am I?

I constantly think about him, I strive to be better for him, and I worry about him constantly. Now really thinking about it, made me realize how much I truly think about FengXiao.

The realization feels extremely embarrassing….but….true.

"I love Guo Jia." I whisper to myself, as if testing out how the foreign words felt on my lips.

"I love Guo Jia….I love Guo Jia….I love FengXiao…..I love FengXiao"

I kept repeating the statement, getting more and more comfortable with the revelation, making me smile.

It feels nerve wracking but...amazing all the same to know you love someone. Many doubts clouded me, but I pushed them away for now, just drowning in the warm feeling of the revelation.

 _I love FengXiao….I really do._

 **[A/N] AHHH! HE SAID IT! HE SAID IT! HE FINALLY REALIZES! *phew* sorry got excited! ^^ But Now both of the lovebirds are aware of how they feel. But we have to wait for them to see each other again! Jia Xu and Wang Yi are great friends! But there's still some bad vibes from Lu Shan and Mei. Wish these 2 luck! See you next chapter!**


	29. A Cage for the Future

**[Guo Jia]**

I held my scepter firmly in my left hand, my right hand focused on steering my ash white horse. Wang Yi rode beside me on her own black one, holding her trishula. Volunteers rode behind us and slowly separated from the main group onto their own paths. Soon enough, Wang Yi was on a different path and I rode with only a few men. My eyes focused onwards, searching desperately amidst all the green nature for a hint of blue.

A shuffle between the bushes?

I hold out my arm stiffly and summon 3 orbs to my side, as they rotate around me. I hear more shuffling as I glare at the area suspiciously, awaiting an attack.

From the bushes something flies out and I float an orb before me to block it effortlessly. The arrow drastically derails and hits a tree. I send an orb in the same direction the arrow came from and-

"OUCH!"

I see Xiahou Yuan lift his head out from the bushes, rubbing his face from under the armor.

"Yuan?" I ask as I move my horse closer.

He looks up and blinks rapidly when seeing it's me, he left out a relieved breath.

"Thank the heavens, I was running out of arrows!"

I looks behind him to see if he has more people, he noticed my frantic looking and turned a different direction and pointed.

"We had set up camp there, to stay away from the animals."

I look in the direction cautiously, "Is Lord Cao Cao there?"

He nods, "Yeah he should be, unless he decided to walk off again."

I motion to the soldiers with me to go to their camp, and fully get a good look at Yuan-

"Yuan, your leg!"

He looks down meekly, at his bleeding leg, looking back up at me with a haughty laugh.

"This little thing? It's barely a scratch!"

I get off of my horse, albeit painfully, with the weight of gravity pushing onto my lungs. "Get on the horse." I ordered.

Yuan blinks at me, surprised at my actions, but I don't take them back. He limps over to my horse and climbs on carefully. I watch him, cautiously, in case he needs help.

"Yuan," I speak up, "Any knowledge about Jia Xu and Xu Shu's whereabouts?"

He settles on the horse, placing his bow around his arm.

"Not to my knowledge, but dun went back to look for them and he hasn't been back yet either. He must've found them."

Relief washes over me, as I let out a painful breath. With dun with them, they'll be okay.

Shuffling had came from the distance and bushes were pushed aside to reveal Cao Cao. He looks at me and quickly strides over to us.

"Xiahou Yuan, go back and rest." he ordered, with Yuan immediately riding off on my horse.

I quietly and politely bow to him, as I see his regal boots step closer to me.

"Guo Jia." He speaks up, his intimidating voice slightly softer than usual.

I look up from my hands as I see Lord Cao Cao slowly get down onto his knees in front of me. I step back in slight disbelief, watching My Lord slowly bend over into an apology position.

"I apologize."

He stated it so calmly, it almost was unnerving for me. But he continued-

"You had worked so hard, and believed in us so much, even if you didn't agree with my actions…and we had failed."

I almost couldn't believe what I was seeing. But I accepted it and step closer to my friend.

"Do not worry about that. Are you alright,My Lord?" I ask.

He sits up anloo up at me, "I am not the one you're truly worried about."

I looked away silently, how long has he known?

"Yes...I'm sorry."

 **[Xu Shu]**

It's almost jarring, to be standing up and moving again, my chest still hurts but I can walk to a degree.

When Xiahou Dun saw me walk again, he instantly bombarded me with concerns and questions about my condition. It was weird but comforting in a way.

I had watched as the guards in the Wei base, chained Lu Shan up. He ruthlessly pulled and fought against the metals, as they clanked against him. But when I saw a guard put a sword to his throat, I couldn't watch anymore.

I tried to walk away, but then I heard him yell-

"Get those damn chains off of her! She's not your problem! Don't touch her!"

My head whips around almost instantly, seeing the men attempting to chain Mei, who didn't even struggle against them.

My legs almost moved on their own, striding over to the men and taking the chain from them. The men slowly back away, letting me take up the responsibility.

Mei looked up at me, eyes wide and red from crying, it instantly pains me when I see her face. I looked down, but took a deep breath.

"Turn around." I ordered, as she did so without questions.

"Hands behind your back." She followed my order quietly.

"Don't you fucking touch her, you-" Lu Shan is instantly silenced when Xiahou Dun, places his Podao to his throat.

I gently grab her wrist, biting my lip as I wrap the chains around her. She didn't move, as I wrapped and tied the chains tightly. As I tugged on them gently, making sure they aren't loose, She whispered something to me-

"I'm sorry."

I didn't know how to reply to her. I don't believe any of this is her fault, but...in this situation how do I comfort her?

I gently pulled her away from the hostile men by her chains and led her to the prison cells in the base. We walked into a long dark hallway, and I gently led her down the stairs, she didn't look up at all. Soon my feet hit the final floor and I kept walking, only to stop at a large thud from behind me. When I quickly turned, she had fallen onto the ground. Her body twitch as she struggled to get up with her arms tied behind her. Running over, I gently put my arms around her and help her stand. Once on her feet, she slowly dragged her feet forward, leaving me to stand and then take lead again.

We reached the cell and I had opened the door calmly, turning to her. She had walked in without hesitation, slowly kneeling down to the floor and taking a seat, still in my reach from my position.

I reached my hand in, gently putting it against her head near her ribbons. I ruffle her head gently, making the ribbon untie and fall off. I didn't mean to knock it off, but she didn't react anyway.

I pull my hand away, stepping away from the depressing cell. She looked so small and feeble, it hurt to look at her. My hand twitched and balled as I force myself to walk away.

"LEMME GO! MEI!"

When I greeted the base again, I saw Lu Shan struggling even more fiercely against the chains. He made eye contact with me and got riled up even more.

"XU SHU! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MEI!? I WILL-"

He was forced silent by Xiahou Dun striking him straight in the face. He grunted painfully, even causing me to whince. Dun then, walks behind him grabbing the base of the chain forcing him on his chained feet.

"You'll find out what he did to here. Because you're going to the cells too! Now get moving!"

Xiahou Dun commanded rudely and forcefully, pushing the bigger man toward the cell area. I stood beside the opening, looking away from Lu Shan.

Even though I refused to look up, I felt the daggers of his glare stab themselves into my body. They made me shiver, but I kept my eyes downward. But soon the cell area door closed and I couldn't hear their steps anymore.

"Zhānxīng shī." My eyes shoot upwards, meeting Jia Xu's as he smiles at me.

"Ah, Jia Xu. What do you need?"

His smile widens, Oh no.

He wraps his arm around me in a friendly manner. "I want to talk to you-"

"What is it about?" I ask him, a little worried about the response.

"So...are you going to talk to Guo Jia when you get back?"

Slight heat came to my face, and I look away. Somewhere deep down, I knew he was going to bring up FengXiao.

"Well, yes….There's a lot I want to tell him."

He whistles comically, pulling me closer. "What about….touching?"

My face flushes at the comment and I lean back, making him lean into me to keep his arm there.

"What? I mean, you and I both know how... _experienced_ he is."

I look away, remembering the many mornings I walked in on him recovering from a 'fun' night with a person. Even FengXiao himself asking me how I feel about sex and all. Then all the sexual innuendos he often makes. It's almost too much.

"So? How do you think you're going to _satisfy_ him?"

"S-Satisfy?"

"Well of course, _satisfy._ I mean, Guo Jia is vastly superior to you in this regard so, you will need a bit of a leeway."

I shake my head at his statement-No, this whole conversation!

"When we...get to that point...Then I'll really think about it."

He chuckles and looks away from me, ruffling my hair.

"Yeah, when you get to that point."

I look away from him, really thinking about what I said.

 _Well…._ _ **If**_ _we get to that point._

 **[A/N] HERE YOU GO! Have a short but slightly angsty but nice chapter! I really love exploring Jia Xu and Xu Shu's Friendship! And Guo Jia and Cao Cao are still as close as ever! I can't wait for them to regroup and find one another! Meanwhile, poor little Mei really needs a pick-me-up TT^TT. Anyway I hope you enjoyed! See you next chapter!**


	30. Looking for You and Remembering Me

**[Xu Shu]**

Nighttime had hit again as I laid on the grass under the stars. My eyes landing on the bright lights, feeling a huge wash of calmness, anxiety, and sadness.

My mind begins to move back and remember the nights I spent wrapped in my mother's arms, laying on the grass of the nearby forest and sleeping from too much running. Then it starts to move forward and imagine the nights I will be having with FengXiao, with us laughing and holding each other with the moon being the only light. A smile yanks at me and the anxiety began to vanish. My breaths coming in deeply with each breeze. The moon sat high in the sky as a crescent as I raise my hands up to it, and trace its shape like Shan Fu used to.

Shan Fu's life was nice, caring, full of love, and security. Shan Fu had a mother who sacrificed everything for him, even as an adult. He lived a good 18 years of life, training and studying to be a scholar.

Shan Fu focused on his studies but had a good talent in battle, his speed being remarkable amongst his friends. He would win a race then go home and read a whole book on strategies. That was the type of person he was.

Xu Shu is a shell, a mere image, a shadow of Shan Fu. He copies his same fighting techniques, his speed, his studying, even his life. Xu Shu attempts to make connections with people like Shan Fu, but they all seem to end in death or harm. Xu Shu seems to only bring destruction with his every foot step. Until he joined Wei-

Xu Shu has never been surrounded by so many people who genuinely cared. Who worked together so seamlessly for one goal. He never thought he would find a place where he felt like he truly belonged. Xu Shu founded love there, friendly and romantic. Xu Shu has forgotten what loneliness truly felt like.

Shan Fu had only known the love of his mother, Xu Shu knows love on every other balance. Shan Fu only known growth from a conventional point, Xu Shu knows growth from the soul.

These men are so very different, living lives of peaceful childishness, and painful reality. But these men are both me.

My arm grows tired and it lands lazily back on the grass, as I take another deep breath, enjoying the scenery. My eyes closed and a smile laid calmly on my face as I remembered-

How to smile as Shan Fu again.

 _I can't wait to get home._

 **[Guo Jia]**

 _Yuanzhi! Wenhe!_

I had found myself and my squad surrounded by fire wolves, I kept my orbs circling around me to avoid their ruthless burning. My men had cut a few down and the fire faded from them, making them normal wolves again. I panted, clutching onto my chest, trying to keep myself up. Ruthlessly, hitting my scepter onto 2 orbs, sending them flying and beating the wolves.

My lungs were struggling, attempting to keep up with all the action. The smoke from the fire wolves, and all of my movement caused them to strain. I let out a few coughs, but the sheer force of them caused me to fall onto one knee. I began to cough violently, feeling the heat of the flame wolves come closer I start to to slightly panic. Looking up, seeing one of them leap at me-!

Almost instantly the wolf falls back down to the ground and whimpers. When I look at it again, it's attached to the ground by an arrow!

A violent horse's neigh rung from behind me, making me whip my head around to see Yuan, riding my horse as he aims another arrow. Lord Cao cao follows him closely as he summons ice shards and shoots them at the wolves, freezing a couple. I put my scepter's tip in the ground, witnessing a few more wolves freeze and be shot with an arrow.

I see a bright purple aura go off, and a 3 pronged slash right beside me. When I turned I see Zhang He flashing a theatrical pose as he twirls and slashes more wolves. Li Dian and Yue Jin both appeared together and mowed down a line of wolves on their own.

A hand touches my arm as my eyes turn to the source, seeing Wang Yi. she held a smile almost sadistic looking as she looked ahead to the wolves, her dark blue aura setting off. She charges forward slashing ruthlessly at the pack with her trishulas.

As I watched all of my friends fight the flame wolves, the enemy easily being overpowered by their teamwork. I couldn't help but smile as I slowly lifted myself up, by holding onto my scepter. A few deep breaths, as I summoned 5 orbs and sent them all flying effortlessly, joining the fight.

I feel safe, almost eternally guarded. Knowing that these warriors are by me and will always be. _That's_ why Wei will rule the land.

 _That's why I know what family is._

 **[A/N] I know this one was also pretty short and mostly just character building. But I really thought it would be nice to give Xu Shu some time to really come to terms with his '2' lives as '2' different men. And giving Guo Jia a true reminder that he doesn't have to do it alone. I love them so much, I can't wait for the 30th chapter! (This is the 29th if you count the first one as a prologue which I do!) I hope you enjoyed this short chapter! See you in the next one!**


	31. Glimmer of Lightning

**[A/N] You know you really love your fanfiction when you're 30 CHAPTERS IN! This is literally amazing to me! I can't believe I've been doing this long enough to be 30 chapters in! I might as well be making a novel! XD No but really, thank you all for however has come this far! Thanks for your patience and your love! But let's see how Guo Jia's and Xu Shu's love flourishes!**

 **[Guo Jia]**

I rode my horse along with Xiahou Yuan, having my orbs circle around us as we rode farther into the forest. The green trees and leaves sped by us and I looked for any hint of Xu Shu and Jia Xu.

Everyone else took Lord Cao Cao back to the Wei castle while Yuan, Yi, and I continued on our way to find our allies. Maybe they aren't too far, I truly hope they aren't.

It honestly took everything for me to not to go mad. My mind only raced s our search for them only seemed to go dark, like the sky. It must have been the early . morning at this point, and there were still no signs of them. Yuan had yanked the horse, making it come to a jaggering stop. My body whiplashed a little, holding onto the larger man on the saddle before me. Yi's horse jumped over a nearby log and landed in a stop itself and we all looked around.

All I need is a sign- a glimmer of a blade, a string of a ribbon, even just a little spark. _**Anything.**_

Nothing caught my few but the dark greens of the bushes and leaves, the rustic browns of the trees and paths, and the shining blue of the allies before me. Nothing, that even remotely seemed close to the 2 men I was desperately seeking. I jumped down from my horse, frantically looking around. Hoping for just _any_ clue, _any_ sign of their presence. But...nothing.

"My Lord." Yi spoke up.

I didn't bother to turn to her, knowing fearing what she was about to say. Though the words didn't come from her-

"Why...Why don't we pack it in, for tonight?" Yuan spoke up, almost awkwardly, in an attempt to get through to me.

The words hit me, like a brick wall, but I knew that there really wasn't anything more we could do. Knowing that if we continued going this way, we may stray to far. The reality was hard to swallow, but I gulped it down reluctantly. Nodding to them and climbing back onto my horse.

"Let us go home." I rub the soft horse's body and Yuan get's it to turn and run back, leaving Yi to follow.

We rode home in silence, as the fear and doubt begin to cloud my mind.

 **[Xu Shu]**

We were on the move again, leaving Mei and Lu Shan with those soldiers at that base. Though we took 3 horses from them so we could all ride back. Xiahou Dun led the way, and I rode only slightly behind Jia Xu. Turning and following a path with the horse speeding us through.

We avoided everything as best as we could, avoid packs of wolves and appearances of pandas. We didn't want to waste anymore time.

"Once we hit the river bank, we'll stop and rest for the night!" Dun called out to us from ahead.

I leaned into my horse firmly, tightly gripping my sword and hook in my other hand. My eyes were glued to the path ahead of us, and my hood couldn't stay on my head due to the vigorous speed. Dun's horse had effortlessly jumped over a log and Xu's and mine followed suit, landing unstably but keeping up. Jolting a little from the land, I adjust my position, keeping steady on the horse.

Soon our horses slowed down, and stopped at a small river. Xiahou Dun jumps off his horse easily and puts his podao over his sword.

"Here we are. Next morning we'll travel upstream and should hit LuoYang easily."

I nod as I climb off my horse as well, as it trots over to the river to drink. I look over to see Jia Xu stretching leisurely as he casually strides to Dun.

"Then _you_ can go back to your nanny duties."

Dun sharply whips around to him, shooting Xu a one-eyed glare. Making him raises his hands in fake defeat.

I chuckle as I walk closer to the men.

"With our horses, how long will it take for us to reach LuoYang?"

Xiahou Dun turns to me and with a proud smirk he sheathes his podao. "We'll be there in time for a proper breakfast. It's been a long while since we ate a nice meal."

I nod, as I try to ignore the growling in my stomach for even longer.

After a few minutes we find ourselves, camping around a small fire. Jia Xu had found firewood and Dun used his aura to set it. I had caught some fish from the river and we ate my catches. Jia Xu had fell asleep first, and Xiahou Dun agreed to be the first one to watch over us, though I couldn't sleep.

"Are you alright?" He asked me, breaking the nightly silence.

"Yes."

"Is your wound bothering you?" He asked again.

I shake my head, "It's not as painful now, the doctor at the base did a good job patching it up."

"I see. That's good." he went silent again, possibly in an attempt to help me sleep.

I had used my hood as a pillow or a barricade from the grass. Turning onto my side and laying my head on my forearms, becoming relaxed from the position alone.

I began to grow tired, all of the recent action, physical, and emotional dreariness catching up to me. My eyelids felt so heavy and before I could even think about it, I was asleep.

When my eyes opened, I saw a dim orange glow, merging with purples and yellows. After a few confused blinks, I looked up to see the dawn sky.

 _I haven't been asleep that long, then._

Pushing myself up from the ground, I find look to see Jia Xu drinking a bit from the river. I removed the hood from my head and yawned.

"Glad to see you actually got some rest." Dun walks up beside me and kneels to me, as I nod in response to him.

"Yes, thank you Xiahou Du-"

A ripe apple cover my few and I look at it in shock. Slowly taking from my trusted friend's hand.

"I found it earlier this morning, eat up, you're going to need it for when you get home again."

I could only nod as I take a bite into the apple, enjoying the juiciness and firmness of it. After that quick 'meal' We jumped on our horses and headed out, up stream.

Anticipation had filled my mind and I couldn't help but just think of what I will do when I get back to LuoYang. I'll spend time with my allies, apologize to them for Chibi, instantly begin replanning, and then I'll talk to FengXiao.

I'll talk to him, let him know who I am, how I feel, and more. I'm not sure how I'll tell him yet, but I know we have to talk, I am _determined_ to.

As my mind raced on about thoughts and imaginings, my body bounced from a large jump over a log, and just as my horse was about to land, I was thrown off of it. My body lands violently into the shallow river, instantly becoming drenched. The horse lands not far from me with an arrow peaking out of it's neck.

I look over to see a silhouette of something in the distance, obviously a person. Jia Xu quickly throws his sickle at the silhouette and Xiahou Dun, turns and charges at them. I look closely to see not only one silhouette-

Bandits!?

Standing up quickly, I summon my aura around me and quickly run to them from the river. Xiahou Dun, slices down a couple easily, but it became quite obvious that these were Wu bounded bandits.

The all wore a dark crimson color and weren't as weak as most bandits would be. I ended up clashing with one, only to be tripped and narrowly dodge a stab. Xiahou Dun used his aura ruthlessly burning any man who was daring enough to get near him. Jia Xu ran through, swirling his sickle carelessly, injuring a few.

I see the archer, reload another arrow,I have to act! Swung my hook to a tree hanging above them and yanked myself over to them. When I was straight above them I carefully aimed and charged up my aura. And I launched my sword down to them!

 **[Guo Jia]**

CRASH!

I dropped the book I held, and turned towards the sound instantly. Seeing a large white lightning bolt adorned with blue and purple sparks.

 _Yuanzhi!_

I quickly grabbed my scepter, striding quickly from the library, to the stables. When I opened the stable door, I see Wang Yi, holding the saddle of my horse and facing me. She smirks and pats the saddle, as she assisted me in getting on.

I nod to her, without any exchange of words and quickly ride my horse out.

 _If he's using his thunder, specially of that size, they must be getting attacked!_

My horse felt like it was moving at the speed of light. Whenever I need it to turn I had to be violent with it, because of how fast it was going. The wind viciously blew by me and as I quickly rode my horse down stream.

The anticipation began to wear on my lungs, but I didn't care. I rode my horse almost sadistically, in an attempt to reach them.

I came to a stumbling stop and panted hoarsely. Seeing Xiahou Dun casually sitting on the ground away from the pile of Wu Bandit corpses. Jia Xu laying down beside him. And Xu Shu sitting on near a horse dead body.

"Guo Jia!" Jia Xu called out, as I jump off of my horse.

I walk over to the first two men, who seemed to be relaxing, giving them a much-needed hug and telling them to quickly return home. As they climb onto their horses and do so. But when my eyes reached Xu Shu's and his reached mine back. When he made eye contact with me, I took it all in. His hair was an absolute mess, and he his facial hair was thicker than before. His eyes looked drowsy, but nonetheless...he has flashed me a smile, and I...

I cried.

The tears swelled and fell so quickly, I couldn't stop myself from falling to my knees. My crying went from whimpers to full on wailing, like a child.

I heard him run over to me, and I see his blue robe now tethered and ripped, robe as he kneels with me. His arms had wrapped around me, and his finger found themselves running through my hair. My hand gripped onto him, unable to let go, as I began to calm down again.

I coughed a little, but refused to move away from his embrace. And it was at that moment that made me feel complete again.

 **[Xu Shu]**

"I'm home, FengXiao. I made it home."

 **[A/N] AHHHHHHHHHHHH! That is all! See you next chapter!**


	32. Finally

**[A/N]...yep! I'm here at Chapter 31!...LET"S GO!**

 **[Xu Shu]**

The ride back to the castle was...silent. FengXiao didn't speak a word to me, but just held onto my back as I rode his horse back. It made me slightly anxious, scared of wait he is thinking about. And as excited I was to get home and see him again, I don't know how to explain everything to him.

How much do I tell him? Do I lay everything bare for him? Wouldn't that be the right thing to do?

I led the horse to the stables and led it to it's room. I look down at FengXiao's arms, as they're tightly wrapped around my torso, his hands intertwined with themselves. I place a hand on his, and attempt to look back at him. He instantly let go of me, and jumped down from the horse and walked to the door.

All I could do is climb down from the horse myself and lead it into its stall. But he suddenly spoke up.

"Relax and clean yourself up a bit. Then come and see me in my room."

And just like that, he left. That order only made me worry even more. In the most recent months, he has never been so adversive of me, but I can't blame him. I did vanish for a while and nearly died without contacting him.

I hear the stable door open as I brush his horse, as I jump and turn to the source. I see a woman in silver armor with blue accents. She ruthlessly, walked in, staring at me viciously. I instantly know who it is.

"Wang Yi…" I spoke softly.

"Xu Shu, it's nice to finally meet you."

I bow to her respectively, but she doesn't seem to bother reciprocating it. She crosses her arms and stand leisurely, staring at me.

"Lord Guo Jia, went through a lot, during your time away."

I look away from her, not really knowing how to reply. She seems very violent, and always on edge, making me more nervous than I should be.

"Do you know of what happened?" She asks me.

I look up, shaking my head in reply, "I do not know, he hasn't really spoken to me yet."

She sighs, shaking her head in disbelief, as she mutters to herself and rubs her forefingers on her nose bridge.

"Lord Guo Jia...was told about you and Lord Jia Xu going missing."

It didn't really surprise me, messages like that travel far in battle, and a lot of people had somehow escaped Chibi.

She turns away and walks over to his horse, and pets it softly.

"He instantly had a violent attack, making him go to the medical tent for a whole night."

The information hit me ruthlessly, making me instantly imagine guo jia violently having a coughing fit, causing him to-

"FengXiao is-"

"Now wait," she stops me, "Like he said go clean yourself up, I'm sure he'll explain everything to you better."

She places her hand on my shoulder and looks back at the affectionate horse. I bow to her again, thanking her and head out to my room and the bath house to freshen up.

 **[Guo Jia]**

 _I...I don't know what to say._

Crying was my first reaction, obviously. I thought the men I loved had died. I didn't have the heart to cry in front of Xiahou Dun and Jia Xu, but I couldn't help but break when I saw Xu Shu. He _looked_ like he had been through so much just to come home.

I want to say so much, I honestly want to _do_ so much. But I need to organize my thoughts, If I act simply on emotion, who knows what I could do.

I had changed into the clothes under my usual uniform. I sit at my desk, quietly and patiently, waiting for him to come see me. The sun had sat high in the sky, shining into my room nicely. It felt relaxing against my anxious thoughts, making me relax a bit more.

 _Knock Knock, Knock knock knock.._

My head springs up instantly, "Come in." And the door opens much faster and much more forceful than I thought it would. Xu Shu enters the room, in a loose long sleeve white shirt and dark brown pants that cover his ankles. He had trimmed himself and his hair was still a little damp. He whipped to face me and closed the door, and locked it.

I watched him intensely, and he seemed to not know what to do after that. The sun was hitting him from my window and he looked amazing. I smiled at him, attempting to alleviate his anxiety.

He nods and makes a motion to my bed, "Can we..sit on the bed?" he asks not at nervously, but more from politeness. So, I stand up and sit on the edge of my bed, as he joins me.

I look over to him as he sat with one knee up to him, resting his arms on it. He leans into his makeshift arm pillow and looks at me.

"Are you feeling ok?" He asks me calmly, as I nod in reply.

"Yeah, my breathing is fine, and the pain isn't excruciating."

He moves his hand and puts it over my hand, and I instantly turn my hand and intertwine our fingers. He looks away shyly, using his free hand to play with his bangs. I decide to continue the conversation-

"What happened on the exhibition? Was it really that bad, to have us retreat so soon?"

He went dead silent, his hand tightening around my own, and I knew from that alone that a lot had happened.

"It's," he paused, still not facing me, "A lot to explain"

 **[Xu Shu]**

I knew he would ask, but I don't know how or where to start. I could only really hold his hand tighter, as I attempt to wrap my mind around everything.

"We horribly failed-" I decided to start with.

"We had entered Chibi's docks...only to be greeted by a rain of fire arrows." FengXiao's hand had twitch but he still held onto mine.

"Our boats setted on fire...and I fought Zhuge Liang and Lord Liu Bei. I had fallen into the ocean as a result...and almost drowned."

He didn't reply or interrupt, I don't think he knew what to say. All he did was hold me hand and look at me. I tilt my head and look off in the distance, recalling all had went through in only days

"Somehow, Jia xu had rescued me. And we knew it was a lost. That at that time...all we could do was retreat. So we did….But-"

"But?" He echoed, leaning closer to me.

"...Some old friends of mine had attacked us…" He didn't bother to question my vagueness, knowing that I don't want to recall every detail of my sufferings.

"I got mortally wounded in the battle, but Xiahou Dun had apparently travelled back to save us. Honestly, the whole travel is just a blur of dreams, from me resting from the wound-"

"Let me see it." he suddenly ordered.

I raised my head from my arms and turned to him. His hazel eyes glared at me, a shocking but intimidating seriousness clouding them. I flinch as he lift our hands.

"Let me see it." he repeated, with more emphasis.

I leaned back, not really know what to do or what to say. Then, before I could even say anything, he rips his hand form mine and grabs the hem of my shirt.

"Strip." he orders, strictly. Heat rushing to my face, I quickly grabbed the hem myself and stopped him from taking my shirt off.

"W-wait! FengXiao, it isn't a serious injury anymore. It's pretty nicely healed for only have days, and-"

"Strip!" He only repeated himself, trying to lift myself shirt even harder as he glares at me.

We struggled like that for a while, and then he coughs, He turns away and uses on hand to block his face. Worry washes over me like a tsunami and I pat and rub his back softly-

Only to be pushed down onto the bed to have my shirt raised as he sat above me.

I looked away, seeing his hazel eyes widen as the sight of the large sword scar. My hand fell to my side, around his knees that cornered my body. I clenched his silky royal blue sheets from under me, fearing his reaction.

I shivered instantly when his hand trace the semi-healed scar. I sucked in a sharp breath, clenching the sheets even tighter. I turn back to him feeling now his hands roam around my torso. His hand were soft, slightly chilling, causing me to shiver at his touches. Once hand stays over my heart as the other rubs the burn wound on my side. My body reflexively arches a little in response to his touches.

His hand travels up, and traces my neck, I couldn't help but melt into his touch, as it travels higher and rubs the bottom of my ear. His eyes stared at me, gauging my responses as his hazel eyes seem even more clouded than before. His knuckles rub themselves against my cheek and runs up into my damp hair, slightly gripping onto the wet strands.

 _It feels good._

 **[Guo Jia]**

 _He really is inexperienced._

Just from me roaming my hands a bit on his torso he has melted into my faintest touch. His breath comes out seemingly foggy and shaky as it tickles my wrist.

 _Heavens….he has been blessed._

Even with his large injuries, his body is amazing. Nicely built, and lean enough to show off the muscles, even if it has injuries over them. His raven hair, even though it's wet a bit, flares nicely into and away from his defined face. His facial hair isn't much but enough to be noticeable and charming.

I soaked this image deep into my mind, gulping it down hungrily. Instinctively, I lick my lips and he seems to notice that I did.

 _I shouldn't push this any further._

I pull my hand out from his hair, having the slightly wet strands fall farther onto his face, and pulls my other hand off of his chest. But I feel a rough grip on my wrists, making me flinch in shock.

My body is pulled and it lands roughly on my bed. When my eyes had reopened, I was gifted a sight that I never thought I would see.

Yuanzhi pinned me down, his brown eyes clouded with his raven hair hanging down from his head. My eyes have seen many men above me and behind me, but _this-_

 _Was a whole new level._

He had bit his lip, making me anticipate what he might do. But his mouth opens-

"FengXiao...can I… kiss you?"

His voice barely came out more than a whimper, but every word was laced in a slight nervousness. All I could do was smile at him, elated that this question had finally came back to me.

"How polite of you to ask….but idiotic."

He flinches in a confused manner, and I take this chance to lean up and steal his lip and _heavens_ -

It feels like a sip of water after _years_ of dehydration.

His lips feel exactly the same from the first kiss, soft and pure. His hands removed themselves from my wrist as he leans me down onto the bed again. The kiss wasn't deep, but it was so nice. He wrapped his arms around me and one runs through my hair, feeling soothing and loving. How I had missed his touch, and how I have always anticipated his lips.

I almost didn't want to pull away, but he needed to breathe. When I opened my eyes, I immediately stared into his. Unconsciously smiling wider than I ever thought I could. But I decided to speak up-

"What took you so long?" I couldn't help but ask.

He chuckles instantly, rubbing my back soothingly.

"I don't know." he replied.

 **[A/N] WE MADE IT! OMG WE MADE IT! AHHH! IT TOOK ….31 CHAPTERS! AND ALOT OF PAIN AND SUFFERING AND PATIENCE BUT WE MADE IT! THEY'RE TOGETHER NOW! OMG! SCREAM WITH ME! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER WHERE THEY FINALLY GET TOGETHER! SEE YOU IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!**


	33. Reunions and News

**[Xu Shu]**

I don't really know how to explain the rest of my day of return, I spent most of it holding FengXiao, reveling in the idea of us. He seemed ecstatic, he smiled wider than he ever did before...and it was _genuine_.

I hope I didn't make him wait too long? He ended up confessing to me that he had realized his feelings for me before I left for Chibi. And now that I'm home, I realize that the battle of Chibi feels so close but so far now.

Doubts and worries plague me still, but I can't help but feel them slip from my mind with every chaste kiss, back rub, and loving word. FengXiao has always had a phenomenal ability to take all of your attention, and now, being romantically involved with him, only put that fact into stone for me.

"Yuanzhi, you're spacing out again."

His voice picked me up from my thoughts, as I turned my head over to him as he lays his head onto my chest. His body slightly lays on top of mine and I can't help but smile once I look at him.

"Sorry, I can't help it though. This still all...feels so surreal."

He chuckles in response to my fondness and I rub his back ever so gently. I was being truthful to him. This situation, the fact that I am holding him right now, is enough to feel like a dream. But I know I'm awake.

Knock, knock.

An assertive knock was heard on the door, and FengXiao let out a long sigh. He slowly pushes against my chest as he sits up and walks to the door. I watched as he walked out and closed the door, without revealing I was inside. It made me wonder-

 **[Guo Jia]**

The body on the other side of my door was Wenhe. He stood there, wearing his purple robe as he placed his hands on his hips casually. When I asked him what he was doing here, he let out an exasperated sigh.

"Sorry to bother you, I know you and Xu Shu were enjoying your lovey dovey time."

I chuckled as I gently cross my arms over my chest, but he didn't chuckle with me. Worry filled me instantaneously, and he could tell.

"Something….has happened in a distant base during Chibi." his voice was smaller than usual as if he was disappointed.

I tilt my head, registering all of his body language carefully.

"Apparently, A brigade of soldiers in the base had heard of the defeat and rebelled. Causing a practical civil war in the base. Many soldiers were injured or even worse,"

I nodded, understanding the grave situation. He continued-

"Apparently, the rebellers had taken it upon themselves to travel off and terrorize towns, include a town in Shu territory."

"So Shu may notice and want some blood for it?"

He nods in response to my assumption, and I rub my chin in worry.

"But," he started.

"The coup was taken down, but the leftover people from the Shu village they captured….seemed to now be captured at another base."

So they kept the prisoners, probably thinking that doing so will aid the army. Maybe it will, maybe it will ruin Shu's moral and make them attack rashly. Shu doesn't have land yet anyway, and this was one of their most supportive towns. This could be beneficial if we play our cards right.

"Which base are the prisoners?"

Jia Xu strokes his beard and thinks to himself.

"It's not too far from here, in fact. But still, it's a bit of a walk."

"I want to go see the prisoners," he looked surprised from my reply. "Maybe it will give us an upper hand against Shu."

He nods, understanding how I see it. His eyes seem to look past me to my bedroom door, making me turn as well.

The door was shut, nothing had changed, but I knew Yuanzhi was inside waiting for me to return.

"What about Xu Shu?"

He asked quietly. Xu Shu cares about the leaders of Shu, and this will affect him in some way. Worry fills me more, as I let out a soft cough into my fist. I look up at Wenhe.

"I will find away." I smile to him and he nods.

After more reassurance, I send him on his way and return back into my room. Only to find Yuanzhi fiddling with a necklace charm that I notice he always wears. It seems like an old Xiangqi piece, but it's completely black. He rolls the black wooden piece in his fingers, mindlessly. He leans on his other arm and his expression looks….troubled. His chocolate brown eyes seem to be half lidded and they shiver in longing. His lips slightly parted and I can't help but smile worriedly.

I approach him as silently as I can, trying to catch him off guard. I place my hands on his lap, instantly making him look up.

"FengXiao?"

I stare at him closely, smiling as mischievously as I could.

"What are you thinking of, puppy?"

He loosens up and smiles back at me, releasing the necklace.

"Nothing, really."

 _Liar._

I chuckle, as I climb my way into his lap, making him jolt and turn red. I wrap my arms loosely around his neck and tilt my head. I notice that his hands sat plainly on my bed, making me pout.

"Yuanzhi, are you afraid to touch me?"

He tenses up more under my loose grip, as I sigh.

"I've never….been with someone...like this."

Leaning in, I peck his lips softly, enjoying the slight teasing taste. I control myself, so I don't force him into any further _activities._

He slowly leans up and places his hands around my waist, as he bites his lip. His hands sit there awkwardly.

"You can rub my body, you know."

"Al-alright."

His hands gently rub up and down my sides and lower back. I can't help but chuckle at his shyness. Leaning in, I take his lip into s shy kiss, enjoying the sweet taste of his lips. He joins me, deepening it, as he leans back until he is laying down.

He holds me even closer, free of the nervousness he had felt as we savor this moment.

 **[A/N] I know I haven't been updating, and I'm SO sorry. With life and me losing inspiration it took me awhile to push the chapter out! So I decided to make it a short next arc starter! Thank you for not giving up on this story and me! And I would like to continue as much as I can! I love you all and I love this story! And Xu Shu and Guo Jia love each other! This Arc is going to be…Angsty. So wish them luck in the future for their relationship. See you Next chapter!**


	34. Vague Words

**[Xu Shu]**

 _It's been a good week._

Everything has been going well since my return back home. I feel a sense of calmness now that I'm home with FengXiao. It took so much for us to get here, and I don't feel like it was wasted. I'm happy.

FengXiao continued his usual activities, for he wouldn't allow me to join him in his work until I completely heal up. And Xiahou Dun continuously makes me go to the doctor for a check up. It feels refreshing to be back in a familiar setting and people.

My mind found itself thinking back to Mei, and my heart twinged a little.

 _I hope she's okay._

A knock on my door interrupts my depressing thoughts. I stand up and walk over to the door. On the other side it revealed Lord Cao Cao. I immediately took a step back and bowed respectfully to the King of Chaos.

"Arise, Xu Shu." he orders.

I raise my head and step aside to allow him to enter my room. I close the door behind him and dust off my white shirt.

"Milord, how can I help you?"

"I am...impressed with you."

My eyes widened in shock, why would he be impressed with me? I haven't done anything but led Wei into a dangerous failure against Wu _and_ Shu.

"But, Milord...I failed you. The plan I made Wei risked losing you and ,in turn, the war. I-"

His hand rose, and my mouth shut flawlessly. As calm as the wind, he gestured for me to sit, almost as if I'm not hosting him in my room. I sit, with no questions.

Cao Cao had approached me silently, authority weighing heavy on his steps. I didn't dare move, but my eyes wandered out of nervousness. He halts in front of my and places a hand on my arm.

"It is true, ChiBi ended in failure, however," he continued, the faintest smile tugging at his lips. "You proved to Wei your loyalty and where you stand."

My head tilted, confused.

" For a while the warriors all questioned me. Questioned why I would let someone who seemingly stood strongly at the side of Liu Bei, not only stand beside but _become_ and integral part of our forces. But you proved them wrong."

He paces calmly before me, as he speaks his praising words. My eyes glued to his figure and my mind focused on his words. He continued-

"Xu Shu, not only have you gained the trust of your fellow men, You've made them aware of the power they all hold. Your struggle with your sorcery, inspired my men in a fascinating way."

I blinked surprised, not expecting this rain of approval.

"However, you are still inexperienced. Young, Naive, but that can only be fixed with time." He stops in front of me and looks down with a deep breath. "Yes, I am disappointed in ChiBi's failure...But that also falls on me, and my hasty decision."

He looks up at me and makes complete eye contact. He breathes in deeply again….quickly his head bows and I flinch from the sudden action.

"I apologize for my reckless decision."

The apology came in randomly, my eyes widening and focusing on his head. He raises his head and looks at me straight in the eyes again. His authority still weighing in on the atmosphere like an anvil.

"It's...It's not a problem. Milord."

My answer was stuttered but earnest, as he returned to a standing position. I dared to continue.

"It was but a mistake, made by us all. But this path of conquest you lead. Will not truly happen without no losses." My body moves, slowly to a stand.

"It's only natural. But Wei will come out of this loss stronger. I truly believe that Milord."

Lord Cao Cao's eyes didn't leave mine for some time. But his eyes closed and he smiled casually. A chuckled bubbled out of him as he turns and marches to my door.

"You truly have grown Xu Shu. You now seen the strength you possess."

And with that, he leaves. The room was silent but the words that were said weighed heavily on my heart. Ever since I have joined Wei I feel as if all I've done was grow. As a warrior, as a scholar, as a friend, as a lover.

 _As Xu Shu._

My hand reaches up and grabs hold of the charred Xiangqi piece around my neck. The blackness slightly scraping onto my fingers. The wood was finally decomposing, weakening.

 _I'm leaving the past behind me._

 **[Guo Jia]**

"I had been looking into the town that our officers had ransacked."

Jia Xu spoke casually as we marched through the town. His hand languidly swaying through the air as he talked.

"It wasn't a large town, fairly small. No nobility or noteworthy warriors there to speak of. Moreover it seems like all the town was good for was taking some supplies."

"I see." My feet stopped moving as my finger graze my chin softly.

"Then it shouldn't be a problem."

WenHe's hand placed itself on his waist as he stood beside me.

"But you still want to go to the base?"

I nodded to him striding forward once more.

"Of course, it seems as if the base is in terrible disarray, if we leave it like that, surely Shu will take that opportunity. I do not wish to see anything like ChiBi again."

He followed me with a casual shrug, humming a tune quietly.

"Jia Xu?" He hummed in response. "Tell me your side of ChiBi."

He had stopped and looked at me, with a bit of shock. I turned to him and nodded, reassuring that I meant it. His hands rub the back of his head and a sigh escapes him.

"Let's talk about this somewhere more private."

Minutes later we sat in the garden of the castle, a handmaiden had brought us tea and the sweet taste of it danced on my tongue. WenHe took his time and gathered his thoughts. I was going to do the same thing for him as I did with Yuanzhi.

 _I needed more information._

"So," he started. "As to Xu Shu's plan we had sailed up to the coast, and I'm sure he told you of how their was a rain of fire arrows."

His finger danced on the rim of the tea cup, as if he was absorbing his own words.

"I was on a different boat, to ensure that everything would be fine. The Shu and Wu fleet sailed and a boat of warriors connected with ours. They came upon ours ships and utterly destroyed us."

It was hard to imagine, seeing Wu and Shu soldiers ransacking the ships and massacring our men. It was a difficult thing to hear, no matter who it came from.

"I don't remember how, but I had heard a lightning strike. But when I looked Xu Shu was battling the leader and the strategist of Shu."

"Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang…" My voice was quiet.

He nodded, confirming my words, as he proceeded to take another sip on the sweet tea. When he puts down the cup he continued.

"I didn't see the fight, more focused on getting myself out of there but i remember hearing a crash and a seeing Xu Shu fly off into the ocean. I had jumped in after him soon thereafter."

I took in every word, making sure it all lined up with what Yuanzhi said.

"When I got him out, we decided that It was best to retreat and catch up with our forces. But on our way we had run into some more enemies. They were from Shu." He paused for a second.

"There was a little girl, she couldn't have been older than 14, and a large man. I think they were family or something. Xu Shu seemed to know them, since he screamed at me not to hurt the girl."

This is where, the contrast really came. Xu Shu left this part vague, but I plan to dig a bit deeper.

"Do you know why he told you not to?" I asked Jia Xu.

"At first I thought it was because she was just a child. But the way the man talked to him...they had a history. So I had asked him about it on our campaign back."

I leaned onto the table, finger lacing into each other. Taking in every bit of information I can get from him.

"When he was recovering from the sword wound, Dun and I took turns watching over him. He woke up on my shift so I decided to ask him. But Guo Jia, shouldn't you ask him this for yourself?" His eyebrow raised and he looked at me quizzically.

I looked down at my tea, fiddling with the handle of the cup, "It seems like a painful subject for him. And he left it fairly vague in the report, and he seems to avoid talking about anything of his past."

I sip the tea, attempting to cover up the fact that it's a little disheartening that Yuanzhi won't talk to me about these things, but had told Wenhe.

"Come now, FengXiao." He started, "You say that as if he doesn't trust you. Maybe he's just afraid. I mean he did cry when he told me the truth and I'm sure that was only a sliver of his past."

"That is true," I replied, "And I haven't told him much about myself either. Perhaps I had jumped to conclusions."

Jia Xu chuckles as we both sipped the tea and began to chat about lighter topics.

When the evening hit, we had returned to the castle, we went our separate ways and I bathed and prepared for bed. As I dried my hair off, a familiar knock had came in through my door.

"Come in, Xu Shu."

The door opened slowly and the man stepped in politely, closing the door behind him. I look up at him as he made his way over to my bed, casually, a smile on his face.

"So how has your day been?" he asks while sitting beside me.

"My day has went well, I will be going to a nearby base soon enough."

"Oh? For what, may I ask?"

I looked at him, and removed the towel from my head. "Apparently that base is in complete disarray. I'm just going there to fix it."

His chocolate eyes widened, but he nodded understandingly. He stretches a little before continuing the conversation.

"I'll need to have my robe fixed, due to the wound. But I think, I'm healing up rather quickly."

I smile, relieved to hear he is doing alright. "That's good. Just don't over work yourself."

"You too. How has your breathing been?"

I look down and rub my chest softly, attempting to think about the answer.

"Nothing horrible. I'm fine."

His eye crinkled at his warm and sweet smile, as he placed his hand over my chest as well. "You should rest, you haven't much of a chance to today."

"But I haven't been able to spend time with you, It'll be a waste to sleep now." I had grinned when he blushed at my remark. As I released my towel and reached over to him. My hand gently gripping the back of his neck and pulling him closer.

Our lips collided softly and I absorbed his warm instantly. My fingers dancing and slightly tugging his short raven hair. The kiss was short, but it was nice nonetheless.

He pulls me close and lays down with me in his arms. "Here. this way you can rest and spend time with me. Because," he paused, taking a second to rub my cheek softly with his thumb, "I missed you too."

I smiled as warmth bloomed in my chest. I felt slightly overwhelmed by this innocent act of affection but it meant the world to me.

 _He meant the world to me._

We had talked late into the night, not really caring about how loud we were. It was fun, but I had noticed something.

 _What are those black markings on his finger tips?_

 **[A/N] OK! So…..Hello again! I know This story has been on hiatus for a VERY Long time! I haven't really done anything. Cause I graduated and then I was taking a semester to just...unwind! SO I'm back! And I want to try to continue this story and finish it! I have many other Things and even Dynasty Warriors things I want to type, but I REALLY love this story and I want to finish it. So WISH ME LUCK! And XU SHU AND GUO JIA CONTINUE TO BE CUTE! See you next chapter!**


	35. An Honest Step

**[Guo Jia]**

The dumpling's taste sat warmly on my tongue, as I watched Yuanzhi get sized for the second time. The handmaidens of the castle worked much more efficiently than those who travel amongst the bases. Yuanzhi still seemed nervous, with all of the attention on the women.

When he removed his shirt so they can more accurately measure him, my eyes roamed his torso. His burned side looks completely healed, but he told me that it still hurts if it's hit. But his chest…

A large diagonal scar painted his chest, it faintly misses his heart. It only reinforces how much of a miracle it is that's he's alive. Honestly, it was a miracle for both of us to be living this long. The thought left me as soon as he turned to me, his chocolate eyes meeting mine. His smile was warm, languid, and his eyes showed a lot of affection. My chest bloomed with warmth as I returned the smile.

"Alright, Master Xu Shu." the head Handmaiden had started.

"Would you like us to remake your robe exactly? Or something new?"

I look at Yuanzhi, awaiting his answer while I munched on the dumpling. He thought for a moment and then glanced at me. I flinched a little, curious.

"Well," he started, "Would you mind if You added some patterns to the robe?"

She had nodded and gestured for him to continue.

"Would you mind edging the dragon in the pattern with gold? Akin to the gold Master Guo Jia wears?"

The gesture was small, but it was sweet. I couldn't stop the smile from coming to my lips. The handmaiden easily agreeing and leaving to get materials. Yuanzhi redresses himself as we sat alone in the room together.

"You wish to match me? Won't it be too obvious then?" I comment slyly.

He chuckles lightly and leans against the table I sitting near. Turning his head to look down at me.

"Wouldn't you say we make it very obvious already? Jia Xu and Wang Yi both know of our relationship. Let alone Xiahou Dun and Lord Cao Cao's suspicions."

I bite the dumpling again, the last small bite held lightly in my fingers. I chew and enjoy the flavor a I hum in confirmation.

"Plus," He continues, " I want to be closer to you FengXiao."

"Oh really?..." I look off a little distantly as I finish the dumpling. I gather my thoughts before I dare to ask what I want to.

"Then...Would you be willing to tell me more about your past?"

His eyes had widened, shocked at my question. His finger strokes his cheek in anxiety before he replies.

"Well...I.."

I take my hand and place it over the one on the table. Using all of my heart and care I muster the most reassuring smile I can. "I won't hate you for anything. You can tell me anything and everything."

 _Why is he so worried?_

 **[Xu Shu]**

My body was tense, I looked at our hands and let out a stressed sigh.

"Can we talk somewhere...I know we have privacy."

He nodded, completely understanding me. He stood, continuing to hold my hand as he led me to another room. I was slightly dragged behind him, as I took the walking trip to gather my thoughts.

 _What do I tell him first? Do I start from the beginning? From Xinye? From the village? From….Shan Fu? No matter what I. need to be honest with him. That's the least he deserves._

He opens the door to my room, taking me out of my thoughts, as I became slightly nervous seeing FengXiao, ever so insistently sit on my bed. I closed the door behind me and locked it, knowing we would be here for a while.

I walk over and sit beside on my bed, and his hand insistently found mine again as I turned it over and intertwined our fingers. I took a deep breath, as I decided to start from Xinye.

"A long time ago, before Wei and even before Lord Liu Bei, I had travelled around the northern provinces of our land. I was travelling around attempting to learn as much as I could from as many people as I could."

He watched me,patiently, just as he did when I spoke of Chibi. His thumb gently rubbing my knuckles. I looked off, focusing on the memories attempting to be as honest as I could be.

"Zhuge Liang had referred me to a friend of his, to look for shelter as well as to learn. And I went to the village he was occupied in. It was a small village, not even surrounded by a base, but it was beautiful. The people were…..kind, warm, sweet even."

The memories of the village people cause some pain to resurface, but I held my ground and continued on, drawing strength from FengXiao's unmoving hand.

"I met a blacksmith there, he was the one who improved my weapon to it's current form." My eyes look up to my sword and hook on my dresser as I readjust my grip on FengXiao's hand.

"His name was Lu Huang. He was a kind man, very happy. He had a wife, named Jiang Ping, she was the one who gave me this." I lift the Chariot piece necklace from inside my shirt, and Fengxiao spoke up.

" She made and gave you the necklace?" He asked.

I shook my head. "Zhuge Liang gave me the piece and she made it into a necklace so I wouldn't lose it. I've held onto it for as long as I can remember." I lowered the piece back into my shirt as I continued my story.

"They had a daughter, Lu Mei. and After retrieving all of their stolen items from a nearby bandit camp led by Lu Huang's twin brother, Lu Shan. Huang and Ping had allowed me to stay in their home. It was a blissful couple of years. Mei had considered me her uncle. I was the most peaceful time for me."

I spoke freely, anxiety fading but becoming nostalgic pain. My grip tightened as I got to the pain part.

"But the Yellow Turban Rebellion reached us. Just as Master PAng Tong left for the emperor's palace too. I couldn't do anything, that's when I had gotten my burn mark." my free hand grazing over the healed wound, as my eyes glazed over.

"Even as I was bleeding and my skin was peeling I had ran to the village. I tried to find anyone alive…..It was only Mei left. I had saved her. But….we both had lost everything. Lu Shan came just into to save me, and take Mei in."

FengXiao seem to understand how much this hurts me to tell, as his head leans against my shoulder, hand still in mine, as I continue to speak.

"After I healed up, I left Mei in Lu Shan's care. Because I couldn't take a small child with me, I seem to only bring ruin. But….that was before I met you. Before I joined Wei."

My mouth was dry, refusing to let the recollection of the horrendous memories allow me to cry again. I gulped down nothing, a lump forming in my throat. As FengXiao's thumb rubs circles on my hand.

"That must've been a horrible experience."He commented.

"It haunt me everyday…..You remember how I said I had met old friends as Jia Xu and I escaped from Chibi?" he nodded in return and I licked my lips to moisten them.

"It was Lu Shan and Mei." I finished, "Lu Shan was the one who stabbed me in the chest. But now they're rotting in a cell."

FengXiao had tensed at the reveal, I didn't look at face, afraid of the anger that may be showing. I sigh, not used to speaking so much as I waited for FengXiao to take over the conversation again.

"Are you alright?" He asked me. The question had caught me off guard but I nodded my head, Trying to brush off the emotional strain as much as I can.

"Thank you for telling me..It...Must have been difficult." His voice was quiet, but sweet, soothing my strains.

I nod, as I release his hand and wrap my arm around his slim body. I pulled him close, closer than I ever held anyone, as I bury my face into him. His hand's find their way into my hair as his lips pepper kisses on my face, my eyes fluttering closed form this perfect moment.

I take the initiative for once, and capture his lips into a kiss. Deeper, I swallowed his satisfied groan as the warmth pool inside my chest like honey. I almost feel overwhelmed with all of the affection in the atmosphere. When I pulled back FengXiao's hazel eyes has blossomed into a field of green light.

I smiled as warmth rose to my face, ultimately content as I continue to hold him and exchange sweet kisses.

Before we knew it, it has became well into the night as my eyes felt heavy and I found myself sleeping more peacefully than I've ever had.

 **[Guo Jia]**

As morning hit, I had woke up into Yuanzhi's arms. The warmth and love feeling amazing to feel first thing in the morning. Though regrettably this is the day I have to start moving towards that base with the SHu town prisoners. And maybe I'll take a chance to see this Mei and Lu Shan he spoke of.

I forced myself out of his arms as he slept sweetly. His hair messily frayed onto his pillow. I've never felt more content as I placed a gentle kiss on his temple.

 _I am truly, madly in love with him._

I stand and look back one more time before I left the room. Going to get ready, but Even as my horse rode towards the base away from the castle. I still felt the warmth of his embrace.

 _I don't ever want to forget this._

 **[A/N] SO! I didn't expect to churn out another chapter so soon honestly. But I guess old habits die hard. Xu Shu finally told Guo Jia about Act 1. Awww. But he still neglected to tell him about the life of Shan Fu. Don't worry he'll find out soon enough. But they are so in love! I'm so happy I love these two so much. Also, yes I know Xu Shu's outfit for Wei doesn't have gold around the patterns just something special for the story that I thought would be cute. ANYWAY! Thanks for reading! See you next chapter!**


	36. Comparisons

**[Xu Shu]**

My sword clashed with a podao. As my arm struggles to keep up, I lean my body into the clash, staring Xiahou Dun in the eyes. The clash ends as I lean back from the force of his slash. I see the curve of the blade and barely duck to dodge it. Blue and purple sparks appear around me as I zip back, avoiding any following attack. I use the leverage from my zip to dash forward and get a good attack onto him. He blocks it effortlessly and I zip around him to hit him from the back. A ring of fire protected him as I flew back and landed on my feet.

My breath came out shallowly, As he stabbed his podao into the soil.

"Let's take a break." He says.

I walk back over to him and stab my sword into the ground as well, the hook hanging onto it weakly. We both sit with our legs crossed, I relax from the physical exertion. As he smiles at me, leaning on his hand.

"You seem to be healing quickly. On top of that, mastering your sorcery."

I chuckle at the compliment. "I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm still nowhere near as skilled as you or Lord Cao Cao."

"Or Guo Jia." He added. I rub the back of my head, as he laughs at my sudden shyness.

"Lord Xiahou Dun?" I caught his attention as he dusts off his armor.

"I don't think I've properly thanked you for saving me."

He lifts his hand, stopping my words instantly. "I would rather you than me on the battlefield, and by the way you're fighting, I say you have done enough."

I nod to him, not really feeling any better, but I know better than to try to insist with Xiahou Dun.

"Glad your new robe avoided any more scuffs."

I looked down to my flowing robe, as it spreads out around my legs. The blue now even richer than before, and the gold surrounded the dragon, making it much more prominent. Looking at it alone, brought a smile to my face.

"I am as well."

After a few more minutes of casual talk, Xiahou Dun aggressively pat the grass and stood. And I knew that meant round two.

 **[Guo Jia]**

I lowered myself from my brown horse as I walked into the base, using my scepter to aid my walking. I avoided the lingering coughs in my throat as the Base captain quickly approached me and bowed.

"My Lord, I'm glad to see my letter had reached LuoYang in time."

I nod to him, as I look around seeing troops training, albeit a little sloppily.

"So what's the status? The Shu citizen making any fuss?"

He nods, confirming my suspicions. "They've been refusing to be quiet, throwing empty threats at us, and some of them even refusing the food we fed them."

A sigh is drawn out from me, I'm honestly not surprised. The Kingdom of Shu has always been a stubborn bunch. I doubt that even their citizens would be pragmatic.

"Can I see the prisoners?" I ask, well it more of a demand. The captain bows to me and tells one of his men to open the prison.

Walking into the prison calmly, ad down the stairs it was quite talkative for a prison. Citizens were exchanging encouraging words, until they saw me. They went silent, all eyes becoming glares at me. They are a sharp bunch, as they watched me walk through their cells.

There were a variety of people, men, women, children, families were at least imprisoned together. There were even elderly people.

"You are no match for Lord Liu Bei! He will surely defeat you!" One citizen spoke up. And it started a roar of empty threats and promises of their escape.

"Wei Scum!"

"Lord Liu Bei has will save us!"

You will never have the land!"

The officers behind me attempted to quell the uproar, but to no avail. Their word did little to me, I didn't flinch. But someone had caught my eye.

It was an elderly woman, she said nothing, she just sat, hunched over clutching onto her shawl. She didn't look up, nor even speak up. I strided to her, stopping directly in front of her cell. I use my fingers to gently tap on the bars as she flinched and raised her eyes to mine. Her eyes were brown.

She seemed to gulp something, as I use my finger to coo her over.

She stood, obediently, and made her way over. She was much shorter than me, as I kneels to see her hers more clearly. The citizens seemed more preoccupied with the numerous soldier pouring in to reprimand them, so I decided to talk to her.

"Are you alright? Have you eaten?"

She looked shocked, as if she didn't expect kindness from me. Understandably, so. She shook her head, as I bring myself back up to my feet.

"I bring you some food then ma'am."

As I went to turn, I felt a tug on my arm. My head turns back as my eyes meet her brown eyes, now filled with a fiery passion.

"I refuse to eat, unless my fellow townsmen eat."

The words were said confidently, opposite of her previous demeanor. I nodded my head, accepting her offer.

I look out to all of the villagers and stepped back into their focus.

"Townspeople, as much as I understand your hatred towards Wei. I simply cannot allow this chaos to continue. I would love for you all to eat. I will personally oversee your meals and I can ensure that you will not be harmed, unless you step out of line."

The uproar continued a little longer, as another sigh escapes me.

I kneel to a nearby child and give them a kind smile, seeing their fear. I muster my kindest voice.

"Are you hungry,little one?"

The child nods, and the citizen seemingly go silent. I stand once again and look around the cells.

"Please think of your people."

After some more thinking time, the people agreed and I left to see to their meals. As I watch the cooks struggle to make such a large arrangement of food last minutes, the elderly woman stayed in my mind. Her demeanor was familiar. She was quiet, but firm with her beliefs. She knew her place but still knew what she is allowed to demand. She reminds me-

 _She reminds me of Xu Shu._

Memories of the early days of our fastly growing relationship came to me. He had called me Master back then. But he still knew what he deserved, albeit very poorly. He had always had this sense of being more than he was, and carrying sins on his back.

As I organized the men to go deliver the food to the people It began to feel hysterical.

Am I that deeply in love with Yuanzhi, that I start to think that random strangers are like him? I sound like a desperate love-smitten fool.

 _And maybe I am._

I watched as the people ate, all revelling in their families and loved ones. As the elderly woman sat alone, eating silently. As if she watched over the people to ensure they all had food. It was warm sentiment, one i could respect. She truly cared about these people, they all cared about each other. And I cannot punish that.

She coos me over this time, to my shock. I walk over to her cell as she holds her hand out to me. Hesitantly, I take it asher other hand cups my larger one. She smiled warmly as me, the laugh lines and wrinkles on her face seemingly all shining with heart. '

"Thank you so much." Her voice was soft, sweet. She was endearing and I couldn't help but smile. I nod and slightly bow to the woman, acknowledging her compliment. She was warm.

 _Just like he is._

 **[A/N] Here starts the 3rd angsty arc! I know this is a short chapter just of Xu Shu bonding with Xiahou Dun and Guo Jia bonding with a Shu elder. But trust it'll all make sense with time. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and are prepared for what's to come! See you next chapter!**


	37. Artifacts of Memories

**[Xu Shu]**

I looked down at my sword, the cloth slightly blackened from cleaning the blade. I used the nearby metals to sharpen it like Lu Huang had taught me. I carefully move my hands, dragging my bare fingers across the blade, soft enough to see how sharp I made it.

The memory sat fondly in my mind, as I sat with Lu Huang in his cellar, watching him work on different weapons. He had showed me his process and even allowed me to try it for myself. He told me that I should sharpen my sword periodically, to keep it in great condition. It became a ritual for me, A way to remember and honor his existence kind of.

At first I did the ritual with a heavy heart, often my sword would be stained with the tears, I used to mourn him with. But recently, I found myself remembering our pleasant times and smiling.

 _I guess this is what you call moving on._

I lift my sword as the sunlight shone through my window and reflected on it. I tilted it partially and meet my own brown eyes. I looked at the already sharpened hook, as my eyes land on the tattered red ribbon.

It was well made for it to still be working, but it's starting to fall apart. I bring it to my hand and rub the material as it starts to shed a little. My smile became slightly bitter, as I didn't exactly want to throw away the ribbon he had given me. A sword can be sharpened and preserved but a ribbon?

 _Throwing it away doesn't seem too right._

I'll have to replace it eventually, but I didn't want to just dishonor this artifact but leaving it behind. Then an idea came me.

 _I should give it to Lu Mei._

For all she knows this is the last artifact of her father. It'll only do her justice if I gave it to her. And maybe I can even give her Ping's chain. I place my sword on my wall near my window and gently reach to the back of my neck. I had to move my messy hair, it seemingly have grown from all the time that passed. I undo the chain and gently pull the charred Xiangqi piece off of it. I take the gold ribbon that hangs around my waist on my blue robes and hang the burned chariot piece there.

I take the end of my sword and untie the red ribbon, doing the same at the hook's end. As the blades sat separated I gazed that the artifacts that I've carried in my possession for years. My eyes overlooking them and drowning in the kind memories.

 _Mei deserve these memories. She deserves these last remnant of her family._

I nod to myself as the resolve fills me, standing, I place the red ribbon and the chain in my pocket. Taking the two separated blades and making my way to the handmaiden's quarters so I can request a new ribbon.

Maybe I can make the trip back to that base before FengXiao returns and give it to her and maybe take this chance to try to reconcile with Lu Shan.

 _I've been running for too long._

This was a family who I had seen fall apart, a family that I used to be apart of. _Another_ family that I watched being torn apart by tragedy. They deserve closure, they deserve the remnants of their loved ones much more than I do.

I smiled with a heavy heart, knowing it won't be easy, but-

 _It's the least I can do._

 **[Guo Jia]**

I walk around the base as I calm the soldier as they train and work towards reforming the ranks from the raid they had did. Keeping my promise, I oversee every meal the Shu citizens eat and occasionally talk to the supposed elder. She never seemed to truly trust me, which was understable due to the situation they were in, but the conversations were intriguing nonetheless.

I didn't bother to ask her on her feelings of the war, it was clear that these citizen supported Lord Liu Bei and his emotional quest for 'benevolence'.

 _An amusing thought, but not much substance to the chant._

I walked through the people, as they eat their meals, and place a stool in front of the elder's cell as I awaited for her to approach to accept her plate.

She does eventually emerge and graciously accepts the food, with a kind bow and words of gratitude. The people around her, talking and loving amongst themselves, they seemed to pay no heed to my existence.

"My Lord." her voice came out to me in between her meager bites and I tilt my head acknowledging her call to me.

"I must say, I am very grateful for your graciousness to us peasants."

I shake my head slightly and smile at the elderly woman. "Please Ma'am, I am simply fulfilling my promise, I don't exactly wish to harm any people."

She nods slowly, and eats a little more before speaking again.

"You remind me of someone I had known long ago. He was just as kind as you and possibly just as handsome."

"Well then, I'm not too sure who you speak of, because I feel as if I am bold enough to point out that I am extremely handsome."

We both chuckle, the comment quickly overlooked as she continued her point.

"He was close to me. And I had loved him unconditionally."

"You husband ma'am?"

She nodded slowly, as she took another bite and slowly chewed. I patiently waited for her to continue.

"We were young when we met, we didn't get along too much then. He was a prideful boy. But I wasn't a girl taken lightly."

"I can see that." I respond, kindly. Her wrinkles rise as she smiled kindly at me.

"We fought a lot, and I won a lot. And as we grew we had come to love one another. He was beautiful, his life was beautiful til the very end."

She slurps the final product off of her dish, and hands it to me. I accept it and bow graciously.

"How did he pass, if you don't mind me asking."

She stood and dusted off her old dress as her brown eyes twinkled slightly.

"You'll have to come back later for a continuation of the story. "

We chuckled again as I stood and make my way out to turn in the dish. In only minutes I found myself overlooking all of the supplies and thinking about the woman again. She is truly an interesting person.

As I counted the amount of ingredients for meals, I had remembered to eat myself.

Twenty minutes later I found myself in a room eating rice and some soup. As the flavors danced on my tongue, my mind danced around back to Yuanzhi. I began to wonder if he was okay. Which knowing Wei, he is.

 _Maybe I should write to him? It would reach him quickly. And he doesn't even need to write me back. I should be returning back to the castle shortly._

After I eat, grab paper and some brushes and began to write everything that came to mind.

 _Dear Yuanzhi,_

 _I know that this is a bit surprising to see me write to you. I am not too far away after all, but I couldn't help but miss you. I had met a woman. She's a village elder and she's very interesting. She's kind, resourceful, and very caring for her people. She slightly reminds me of you. Or maybe that's just the weight of being separated from you. I hope you are healing up well and aren't just being alone at the castle. I'll be back soon alright? I love you too much to be away for long._

 _Love,_

 _FengXiao_

Mere minutes later I watch as a messenger unit rides off towards the castle, as I watch the sun slowly go down. As I watched the sun vanish my chest felt warm and I smiled.

 **[Xu Shu]**

The sun was going down by the time I tied my new purple ribbon onto my sword and hook. I made my way to the stables and pulled out a brown horse. I pulled my hood over my head and climbed onto the horse as I gently lead it to walk out of the boundaries of the town. My head turns back to the castle as I smile and mentally make a promise to return quickly.

 _I'll be back soon, to continue my life with FengXiao._

This is my chance to continue forward. To bury everything that Xu Shu failed at in his life. And even then I could continue to work to bury Shan Fu's failure's too. I will bury all of this and move on.

 _Move on with Guo Jia. Move on with our relationship and truly grow._

"Hya!" The horse dashes off towards the base, as the greens of the forest blur past me. My sword and hook being held in my right hand as the charred Xiangqi piece jitter against my leg. As the artifacts of Lu Huang and Jiang Ping sit in my pockets.

Even though weight sits on my heart, I also feel a bit of freedom off of it at the same time.

 _I feel truly free._

 **[A/N] HAPPY 2018! So Nice to start the new year off with some good old Xu Shu and Guo Jia! Even though we're going full speed into an angst train! BUT! Thank you all for reading and continuing to support this story. I know that I technically went on a huge hiatus but this is the second year of writing his second life (ba dum tsh!) and WOW! That's so amazing me to me!I know Dynasty warriors isn't exactly a large fanbase, and even then Xu Shu is exactly everyone's favorite character like he is mine. BUT still thank you! Thank you for supporting and enjoying the story, because honestly I probably would've deleted it by now without you guys enjoying and commenting and favoriting, I sound a little conceited or weird now, But I really do like it. (BTW I'm literally kinda winging this story, and I'm so glad you guys like it cause I'm not following the true stories or event he dynasty warrior canon but HEYO fanfiction right!) ANYWAY! Again thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER!**


	38. Inability to Hate

**[Guo Jia]**

I walked calmly with the village elder, as we chatted casually. She seemed relieved to be out of the cells for a minute as I allowed her to sit with me in the base. The normal precautions taken since I know there are guards around and obviously she can't exactly be fast enough to hurt me. So I thought it would be a harmless action.

We drank tea and sat on the ground. As I looked up at her from my cup.

"So will you be continuing your story?"

Her eyes fluttered up to me as she smiled into her cup. "I did promise, didn't I?"

I nod as I chuckle and place my cup down softly. She follows suit and lets out a deep breath.

"We had a lovely life together. We ran a business together. It wasn't too successful but it was our shop."

I nodded and crossed my legs casually. As I listened intently to the elder. Her eyes looked off longingly as she remembered something that can be perceived as a very distant past.

"When I had gotten pregnant he had gotten ill." Her voice became softer, and I sat up straight. The cue was all too clear and I had to get ready to hear something….hard.

"I worked...day and night. Taking care of him and the store...and...our child. But...he died only mere days after our baby boy was born." She looked down into her tea, the liquid reflecting her emotional face back to her.

The pain in my chest slightly worsened, and I let go of a small cough to alleviate some of the pressure.

"But...I had our son. Our precious one. He was a smart boy, a great boy."

I nod, not pushing her to tell me too much further. As I wait patiently, my finger tracing the rim of the bamboo cup. She sips the tea and releases a sigh.

"But even he hadn't stayed with me for long."

My eyebrows raised, curiosity twitching on my lips but my clever mask keeps the reaction subtle. I place the tea down.

"I see."

 **[Xu Shu]**

I had walked with my horse into the base, slowly looking around as the soldiers bowed to me. One had taken my horse to the stables and the base captain approached me.

"My Lord, What brings you here? I was never told of any visitation."

I give a slight wave and lowered my hood, looking the captain straight on.

"Actually I wanted to visit a couple of prisoners you have captive here."

The base captain seemed shocked when I had declared my reasoning here. He had looked back at a couple of more soldiers who whispered about the situation. I adjust my gauntlets and look at the men.

"Would that be a problem?"

The captain shook his head hurriedly and offered to escort me to the dungeon. As I followed him I had begun to prepare for this meeting. This will not start well, or easy.

 _But it's something that needs to be done._

The door creaked open and We walked down the stair well. It was empty except for 2 cells. They were diagonal from each other. I had looked right and there Mei sat, quietly her toes just wiggling as if to entertain herself. And to the left I saw Lu Shan, who had heard our footsteps and looked up to see me.

His chains rattled intensely as he furiously tried to lunge at me. That's when Mei looked up. She saw me and her eyes had widened, and her body had froze. I had gave her a small smile, even though it hurt to see the small girl who I had come to love chained in a cell.

Turning to the captain, I had said, "You can go, now. I want to speak with them alone."

He bows and quickly exits after being spooked at how Lu Shan had slammed his fist to the ground.

"You had the damn balls to come back here after all ya had done!" like usually, his tone was thunderous. I made my way to his cell, kneeling before it and looking at him dead on. As soon as I was close enough he lunged forward reach out from the cell and grabbing my collar.

He yanked me roughy, my face and arm hitting the metal bars as I wince from the impact. But my eyes stayed on his, the way he gripped my jacket put pressure on the sword wound, but I bit back the pain.

"Lu Shan." My voice was steady, as much confidence as I can muster.

He glared at me, fiery eyes enveloping me in their rage. I continue-

"I understand. What I did..was unforgivable. Like I had taken advantage of your kindness. Of Lu Huang and Jiang Ping's kindness."

"Nah," he started, " Ya DID take advantage of their kindness!" He repeatedly slammed me against the bars. I surprisingly took it in stride, but I wrapped my fingers around a bar to help keep my composure.

"I….left you and Mei. And ran away from the problem, from the grief. Then went and found happiness in another place. Without even writing to you."

Lu Shan's hands twitched, anger boiling over as I continued my spiel.

"But...I didn't come here to fight you again. I came here to reconci-"

Suddenly his hand left my chest and grasp my throat, my airway shutting off before I could blink. A choked noise was all I could muster as I still held onto the bar. My other hand clawing at his forearm.

"Ya think that after all this time, a few sweet words can fix this!?" His fingers clawed into my throat, I struggle harder as choking sounds leave me as I attempt to be free of his death grip.

"Ya know, " He looks down, his grip still strong on my throat, "I was pissed at you back when it had happened too. My brother and his wife _died._ They, who had a beautiful family and a great future ahead, had graciously given you a spot in their home-" He looks up,his face fighting the tears.

"While he never even mentioned me to my own niece!"

It all began to come together for me now. Lu Shan does hate that I left, he does hate that I seemingly just ran away from the responsibility and from Mei, a little girl who needed me at the time. But he's _envious._

That his brother and his wife took in _me-_ a random stranger- before they even took in their own brother. They turned him away, didn't even let Lu Mei know she even had an uncle. And then like a coward, I had seemingly thrown all that away, without a second thought.

As I was choking, and drool poured from my mouth at the audible attempts to breathe. I lowered my hands, accepting this. Accepting and letting Lu Shan take whatever measure he needed to feel better. He took a wavered shaky breath-

"Ya left Mei! She cried for days after ya left, ya know that? She kept accidentally saying ShuShu instead of ShuShan, ya know that?! She joined Liu Bei's forces this young, ta find YOU! Did ya know tha-"

"STOP IT!"

Mei's voice had echoed along the stone walls. Lu Shan had looked at her, I would've turned too if I could breathe.

"Let him go." She ordered.

"But, Mei baby, he-"

"LET HIM GO!" She demanded!

He pushed me away, as I fell onto my back and cough as air returned to my lungs. I let out a few more coughs as Mei crawls up to the bars of her cell. I turn and look at her, surprised that she had screamed at her uncle so fiercely.

"Mei-" my voice trailed off.

She looked down, as if unsure of herself, but she looks up again at me. A small pale hand reaches out for me, and for a split second I could see toddler Mei, reaching up and demanding to be carried- _loved._

"Shu...Shu" Her voice was hesitant but the words carried a large weight to them. I gulped down all the pain and emotion that it brought me to here that nickname again.

"You don't have to force yourself to call me that Mei." I make my way to her, hearing Lu Shan's angry struggling from his rattling chains.

"Lu Shan is right. I had left you. Alone. To suffer and grieve." I looked at her as her eyes seem to roam a little before she looks at me back in my eyes.

"Why?" It was simple question but my mouth was so overwhelmed by all the answers that came to mind,

My mouth opened and closed numerous times before I let out a sigh.

"I was a coward. Before even going to the village I had brought so much ruin and pain wherever I went. And I didn't want the same pain to befall you." I look down, but look back up at her, determined to be earnest and honest with her.

"But I never wanted this either. I never wanted it to become like this."

Mei looks down and her grip on the bars lessen, more like she's just barely holding on.

"Xu Shu?"

I make a noise of response.

"I…..I don't know how I feel." She seems to be locked in a battle with herself.

"I want to be mad, I want to be as angry as ShuShan. But-" Her voice trails off as a small emotional gasp comes from her, I see tears fall from her cheeks and I can only look at her, as my heart beats faster.

"I can't. Why can't I? You betrayed me, ShuShan goes on and on about it. How you hurt me, how you've done something irreversible. And it's true...so why?" she looks up at me, eyes pouring with tears, their brown color clouded by emotion.

"Why can't I hate you?!" She choked out amidst the sniffles and coughs. I said nothing.

"Answer me!" she demanded. I couldn't.

Hesitantly, I reached up and run my fingers through her hair. Affectionately I had petted her, as she only began to wail. Her cries turning violent as she leans into me as much as she can with the metal bars between us. I held her, without a word, even though there are so many that I want to say.

 _I'm sorry, Lu Mei. I never wanted this to become of your family. I would've stayed home that day and prevented the attack. Maybe If I never went there your parents would be alive. Perhaps I shouldn't have taken their offer to live with them. Maybe If I wasn't in Xinye. I'm sorry, that I got hit by that trap and was unable to save anyone. I'm sorry that I left you. I'm sorry, Lu Mei. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-_

One of my hands goes into the pocket and pulls out the red tattered ribbon. I use my finger to gently tie it into her hair.

She seemed to be spooked, It was a loose tie to the ribbon sat in a small bow and the ends hung down to her mid back. I bring it up in front to her face as she snaps back to see the old item.

"This...This is-"

I nod, "And that's not all." I reach in the pocket once more and hook the chain around her neck. It hangs loosely and I look a her, as her now red puffy eyes look back up to me, astonished.

"You deserve these items more than me. This was all I could salvage though, sorry that it took me so long."

Mei's eyes widened, as I gently rub her cheek with my knuckles. My smile was soft, full of emotion.

"ShuSh-"

"MILORD!"

The dungeon doors slam open as we all look up to the opening, a messenger runs down in a hurry.

I stand, quickly noticing the messenger's rush. "What is it?"

He stops in front of me and pants but looks to me.

"L-lord Guo Jia, h-has been injured in a base to the west!"

My eyes opened wide, upon hearing the realization.

 _FengXiao? Injured?!_

"Lord Jia Xu is already on his way over there, he demanded a message reaches you as well!"

"Ready my horse! I'll be heading there immediately!"

The messenger salutes me and runs off to do my order. I look back to Mei who looks at me with shock. I kneel back down to her and affectionately rub her cheek again.

"I'll come see you again, ok? I'll get you out of this cell."

She seems to not know what to say at first so she simply nods in reply. I quickly nod back and run out of the dungeon. I whistle as my horse quickly rushes to me, leaving the messenger to fall.

I leap onto it and turn west. "HYAH"

As the horse begins to speedily rush west, thought's flooded my mind.

 _Had the base been in too much disarray? Is he alright? The injury can't be bad! FengXiao is strong! He's amazing so he couldn't be dead! He can't be! He can't be!_

 _FengXiao I'm coming! Please be okay!_

 **[A/N] HI HO HI HO IT'S OFF TO ANGST WE GO! (JK) but Hi Again! Hope you're having a great day! And sorry that it took so long to churn this chapter out! But Here ya go! What happened to Guo Jia? You'll find out! And AWWW Xu Shu Reconciling with Mei and (Not so much) Lu Shan. I'm sorry if some of you find the Lu Shan and Lu Mei drama boring or uninteresting but still I like to write complicated scenarios and characters ^^. ANYWAY! I hope you had a lovely Valentine's and I also hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

 **See you next chapter!**


	39. Attack of Honor

**[Xu Shu]**

I had rushed past the woods using my sword to cut the branches out of my way. My horse had begun to become tired, it's powerful stride slowing down.

"Please keep going! We're almost there! Please!" I beg the animal but nothing was stopping its fatigue. At this rate I'll just have to use my aura, but that'll drain me out if there's a battle! But-

Before I even knew I was flung off of the horse and thrown onto the ground. Bouncing and skidding against the rough forest floor. I stab my sword in the ground, slightly groaning and rising from the fall. I look to see the horse, dead, with a spear rammed through its body.

I look around for the person responsible. A man jumps down and lands on the ground beside the spear.

"It looks like Lord Zhuge Liang was right."

I look up, the man's long black hair flowing in the wind in a ponytail. He was a Shu officer. And as Shu soldiers came out of the forest surrounding, It made sense.

 _This was planned._

And if the young man was right it was a rouse from Kongming. I need to watch my every movement carefully now. But Still FengXiao could be injured. I have to go to him!

"Who are you?" I demanded to know as I prepare myself.

The man marches forward as he yanks the spear out of the horse's corpse, twirling the weapon as holds the spear toward me.

"One of the 5 tiger Generals of Shu, Zhao Yun." He stood cleanly, authority and power in his position.

"And you have quite the reputation in Shu, Lord Xu Shu."

I twirl my sword and prepare to fight, knowing that I have to end this quick to get to FengXiao.

Soldiers ran to me, attempting to attack me. I block and mostly kick them away from me, attempting to not kill anyone. I jump up and launch my hook to a tree, gliding onto the branch. Zhao Yun, jumps up after me and clashes. I use the weight of my body to push him off as I leap to another branch.

Looking back he stabbed his spear into a large tree and flips around it. Leaping off and meeting me head on again. I jumps back down to the ground and avoid a soldier's slash. I use the hilt of my sword and knock out as many soldiers as I can. I hear a large thud and quickly turn to see Zhao Yun charging at me. H tilts his body and furiously spins using his spear to attempt to slash me. I barely block his vicious assault as he uses the spear to leap into the air and slams it into me. I use my sword to block the attack, as my body holds it up. My feet slightly digging into the soil.

I use my aura as sparks of lighting surrounds me, I zip away from him as I take the chance for an offense! I use my hook to close the distance and quickly slashes him, dealing a final slash.

He flips back, landing as large blue aura surrounds him, He lunges at me and spin furiously, creating a blue drill. I was barely able to evade the attack, Diving and rolling away. As soon as he lands I quickly zip to him and clash with him once more.

"You've certainly earned your title. But I can't let you beat me."

The clash ends and we both slide a distance from one another. I breathe shallowly and look back up to my opponent. As he begins to rise, I get ready for another attack. As Zhao Yun lunges at me, I prepare to block it.

CLING!

I look to see his spear fly out of his hands and he flips back to catch it. I looks to my left as see Lord Guan Yu, Standing there with his blade , as he returns to a casual stance.

I leap back and prepare my aura, knowing that this will be an easy battle.

"Stand down, Xu Shu." He speaks to me.

I look to Zhao Yun, who had already stopped fighting. Looking back up to Guan Yu, I stand confused.

"What are you doing, Lord Guan Yu?"

"Repaying you."

More confusion flooded into me, but I allowed him to continue.

"Because of you, leading my brothers and I to the Sleeping Dragon we've gotten this far. You fought our battle back then, and seemingly joined Wei. To repay you for that favor, my honor demands that I let you go here."

My eyes widened as I clenched my sword even stronger. The statement and actions made sense, and I didn't object to it. I take my fist and cup it under my hand and bow.

"Thank you my lord."

"Don't thank me just yet." He marches to me menacingly, As I looked up from my hands.

"Since you're allegiance is with Wei, you are still my enemy. Someday soon, my brother will have your life." He spoke coldly and simplistically. As he marches past me to Zhao Yun.

As much as his words stung, I had no time to process it. I quickly run off to go to the base. To FengXiao.

 _If Zhuge Liang planned this, there's a huge possibility that there are more traps. Or even worse sorcery around the base._

 _I have to hurry!_

 **[Guo Jia]**

My eye fluttered open, as I found myself on the ground. My back hadd ached and I found myself coughing and struggling to stand. My vision was slightly blurred but I fell back down again the pain in my back searing. I coughed more and spit out a few spots of blood.

"Young master!"

 _Wenhe?_

My head turns as I see Jia Xu rush to me as he kneels to me. He seems to look worried and even worse when sees my back.

"What happened?!" He yells worriedly.

I was confused, my back hurts, what is it?

His hand touches my back and I wince terribly, as the memories start to come together in my mind.

"I-I was, talking to the She village elder. S-She was...t-telling me her life story. A...about her son. " The words come out in hoarse stutters. I cough some more as my chest agonizes from the pain.

"And Then-"

A footstep. We both look up to see Zhang Fei, as he loosely but heavily walks up to us.

"Then I gave ya a good slash to the back. Nice story, eh?"

Jia Xu stands, and readies his Chain and Sickle, rushing in to the Shu warrior. I cough out more blood as the cold air sends a chill through my open back wound. I needed to get out of the cross fire. I need to get medical help. I couldn't let myself die here. I still have so much I wanted to do!

Looking up I see Jia Xu roll and flip as he attack Zhang Fei who is effortlessly blocking and fending him off. I summon an orb, using it to raise myself off of the ground. Summoning more orb I have them launched at Zhang Fei unleashing a surprise onto him. He stumbles as Jia Xu attacks him and he jumps back barely able to keep an even footing now.

CRASH!

A purple and blue crash of lightning zips past Zhang Fei as he stumbles back even more. We all look, to see a blue cloak slowly flowing down with sparks surrounding it. And I knew it was.

 _Yuanzhi…_

Zhang Fei scoffs as he turns and shouts "Come on gotta move!" He quickly turns and runs off, some villager following him. As the Shu soldier poured out form the base and Wei Soldiers came in. I had raised to my feet and began to move. The pain was all too real. Slowly, my feet dragged against the ground as I reached out to my love.

"Yu-Yuan Zh-" my balance is lost as I begin to fall

"FengXiao!" He rushes to me, the sparks over his body fading as he catches me. He lands on his knees as his arms wrap around me, instantly seeing and feeling the bleeding wound.

"Jia Xu! Get a medic please!"

I hear footsteps rush off, as I nuzzle into Yuanzhi's soft embrace. I coughed and more blood got onto his robe.

"Nice to see you again. Did you get my letter?" I tried to make a joking demeanor but it was hoarse.

"Please, save your energ-"

He went silent, and I glanced up to him, I was confused, what happened? Went I followed his line of sight I saw that he was staring at the village elder, who hadn't been able to escape along with her people. She was chained now, and being escorted to the cells once more, this time more violently.

Yuanzhi's hands shook as he looked to the elderly woman. I take my own hand and touches his cheeks. He quickly snaps back to look at me and gently helps me onto my feet.

Leaning against him, I forced myself to stay conscious no matter how hard the fatigue hit me.

"You'll be alright, the medic is here, he'll help you." Yuanzhi says and he takes me into the building.

Even though I knew he was supremely worried about me, I could tell there was something else on his mind.

 _I could tell it was about the elder though._

 **[Xu Shu]**

 _That couldn't have been-_

 **[A/N] SO…..Another quickly churned out chapter! At least Guo Jia is (somewhat) ok! Also! Nice way to introduce Zhao Yun! Cause he be another fav of mine! So I thought to have a fight scene with him will be nice! And Guan Yu letting Xu Shu makes sense for his honor! And Zhang Fei being the drunken man he is. Don't worry answers will come! See you next chapter!**


	40. Levels of Truth

**[Xu Shu]**

I never thought about how it felt to be on this side of the nursery.

I sat and watched FengXiao sleep, not so soundly, his breathing was more irregular than usual. His hair was a mess and his torso was wrapped in bandages. It looked liked Master Zhang Fei did a considerable amount of damage to him. Specially since he's already sickly. Worry washes over me, as I stare at the face of the man I love.

His mouth is partially open, his chest rises and lowers gently. He laid unmoving, and...it scares me.

The thing is, I know this is something I might have to get used to. Seeing FengXiao in this weakened state. He is sick, and as far as I am aware of there is no cure for his illness. Let alone a way to make it bearable.

Just as my thoughts wrap around themselves and tighten in my heart I hear a groan coming from him.

My head turns to him, looking desperately for a sign that he's okay. His hazel eyes open and look around turning to me as I sit in a chair beside his bed, my robe hanging daintily off of my shoulders

"Yuanzhi."

"FengXiao, are you doing well?"

He lets out a hollow chuckle, leading to some coughs.

"Somewhat."

I scoot my chair closer to him, and take his hand gently.

"So you know...you didn't answer my question from before."

I tilt my head, "What question?"

"Did you get my letter?I had sent you a letter a couple of days ago.I'm guessing you didn't get it."

"Sorry, I went to take care of something."

"Something?"

I look away for a second, slightly afraid of how he would react if I told him the truth. But I knew that's what he deserved to hear.

"I went to see Lu Shan and Lu Mei."

His eyes widened a bit, but he clenches my hand lovingly.

"I gave Mei the red ribbon and the chain, so she has the last remnants of her parents now. "

He smiles at me, warmth and affection evident in his eyes. He reaches to me, turning onto his side and rubs my cheek his the tips of his fingers. I lean into the touch and peck the palm of his hand.

"That was right of you, but will you be okay?" he asks me, tone tender and soft.

I smile at him, and nod. As I lean forward and plant a chaste kiss on his lips. Before leaning in and absorbing the warmth of his lips.

For a while we sat there, tilting and leaning into each other, as our lips collided and separated. It was welcoming warmth, It made me feel better, the fear and worry washing away. We soon pulled away and FengXiao places one last kiss on my cheek as he gazes at me. But his eyes shift to the side and his smile becomes a grin.

"Hello Jia Xu."

I whip my head around, seeing Jia Xu standing in the doorway, leaning against the wall as he lets out a chuckle.

"If you are going to be so bold at least make sure the door is shut." He walks in, shutting the door and bringing a chair beside me, to sit. FengXiao leans back onto his back, smiling at us.

"I'm guessing you're feeling good, specially since you were locking lips." Jia Xu jokingly points out, making me blush and FengXiao laugh.

"Well I'm not in excruciating pain anymore. But I would never let anything stop me from kissing my puppy."

I use my hand to cover my face as I groan from the embarrassment welling up inside of me, but I chuckle. Enjoying this time with two men who I respect and care for.

The three of us sat and talked for awhile, enjoying the familiar atmosphere that has never really transpired. Talking with them brings me a happiness that I haven't had in a long time. Being able to freely speak to people, it all too real to me, after everything that has happened.

"Alright, we should leave you to rest, the doctor should be coming by soon." Jia Xu resolutes and stands. I stand with him.

"You'll be leaving me now?" FengXiao asked with a smile.

"Yes, it would probably be best, to let you rest for a while and leave you in the doctor's care." I reply.

FengXiao smiles at us as I adjust my blue robe, as it hangs off my shoulders still. I lean down and give him one last kiss as Jia Xu and I leave the room.

I close the door behind me, calmly an follow Jia Xu as he walked out to the base opening.

"Jia Xu."

"What is it?" He replies, Hands on hips casually.

"Can we go to the dungeon?"

 **[Guo Jia]**

The doctor entered slowly, a few minutes after they had left my room. He shut the door calmly, and asked me how I was doing. I chuckle a bit and answer just as honestly as I did before.

 _Not at all._

Just from when I opened my eyes, seeing Yuanzhi sitting there looking so upset. It made the pain in my chest worsen. I couldn't tell him that I was really still in extremely excruciating pain. The fresh wound on my back seemed to only worsen my condition. It hurt to even lean into him, but I couldn't tell him and Wenhe that.

 _Even though I should._

Yuanzhi is truly making an effort to be exclusively honest with me. Telling me things that I know is hard for him to talk about. I feel slight guilt from not doing the same entirely. But he would force me to stand down for a while from my strategist duties-

 _And that didn't work out last time either._

If I had to lay in a bed for a few days with a large scar on my back and blood coughing out of my lungs just to keep him happy. I would do it.

 _I would always do it._

The doctor sat beside me and asked me a few questions as I answered them with varying degrees of truth. It didn't matter anyway.

 **[Xu Shu]**

Jia Xu led the way down the dungeon, as my hands shook and my mouth felt dry. I couldn't even hear out footsteps against the stairwell, my heartbeat raging so loud in my ears.

 _It couldn't be her._

When we reached the bottom, I looked out, the cells are mostly empty, most of the people escaping with Master Zhang Fei. I step forward, past Jia Xu. My eyes scanning the room carefully. My breath caught in my throat, my eyes land on a dusty shawl.

I walk to the cell and look in, seeing the small elderly woman. I reach and touch the bars and my hands shaking against the rusting metal. And then she finally looks up at me, meeting my own.

"...Shan Fu?"

 **[A/N] UH OHHHHHHH! Full speed on the feels train! Oh god, I'm sorry Guo Jia. I made your pain worse and Oh god writing the part were Xu Shu goes into the dungeon filled me with anxiety too! WELP! Gotta keep going! See you next Chapter!**


	41. This is Fine

**[A/N] Here we are at Chapter 40! GEEZ, I really like Dynasty warriors though ok! And there wasn't enough content for Guo Jia x Xu Shu! So I had to fix that! I hope you guys are enjoying this weird angsty ride. Anyway on to the chapter! (TW: Vomiting and Some….Depression)**

 **[Guo Jia]**

I lay in my bed, alone. The doctor had left as I was left alone with my thoughts. I place my hands firmly on the bed and push my body up to sit up. It hurts like hell, the familiar chest pain merging with the burning wound on my back. I coughed and barely held back the vomit threatening to leave my body. The pain was almost too much.

 _I definitely can't let them know about this._

My body almost refuses to move even though I demand its cooperation. I take my hand, sweaty and shaky, and run it through my incredibly messy hair.

My breathing was uncontrollable, air leaving and entering my body on opposing levels, that just ends up with me light-headed. I use a bit of my aura to circulate the air a bit. Attempting to even out my breathing. I should open the window.

 _This is fine. I can handle this._

My fingers struggle to reach for the window sill, twitching and rubbing the rough material. I find the latch and flick it, using my arm strength. I tilt onto my thigh and use my arms to attempt to lift the window a bit. I struggled but it slowly creaked up. It was an old window.

The air from outside entered my room and the wind began to help steady my air intake. I flop back down onto the bed and wince from the sting that flopping put on my back.

 _This is fine. Nothing I haven't dealt with before._

My breathing slowly calms, as I take open mouth inhales. My vision slightly fogs, the room glazing over into a weird purgatory-like place. I blink- once, twice- attempting to fix my vision. I cough a bit as the world returns to its shape. The pain only worsening causing me to cough more and lean on my side. I hold my palm to my lips and violently cough out the pressure.

When I pulled my lips away a large stain of red liquid painted my palm. I look down at it, my eyes signaling it out.

 _This is fine. I am fine!_

 **[Xu Shu]**

 _I was praying I was wrong. I was just hoping it wasn't her.I couldn't handle this. Seeing her again, Hearing her again, Hearing my name from her, Seeing her withering body. I can't handle this. I can't-I can't-I can't-I can't!_

If my body wasn't frozen I would have certainly run with all of my power out of here. If my breathing wasn't trapped in my trachea I would've thrown up all of the raging emotions within me. And if my eyes weren't solely focused on her, they would've been cr-

 _Oh, wait. I am crying._

The tears fell to the ground, rapidly. But my vision refused to let them blur my sight of her. Her eyes had calmed as she simply stares at me. She tightened her lips as if she was processing what to say.

Jia Xu walks up to me and worriedly puts a hand on my shoulder. His words fading along with any other noise. I didn't hear a single word, and I'm sure he noticed.

"You've grown well…" She started.

My breath came to me as a shaky, sharp hand shaking furiously on the metal of the bars.

She looked me up and down, as her eyes slowly became more and more glazed over. I could see the wheels turning in her head.

"...It's sad to see the road you've taken though."

I've been through over 20 years of constant pain and disappointment. 20 years of constantly losing people. 20 years of being attacked by completely invalid and rude allegations. 20 years of being caught in the heat of battle and suffering physical scars and mental ones. 2 full decades of my own self-deprecation and road to destruction.

 _But those words hurt me more than anything ever has in my life._

All those furious feelings from before came at an incredulous speed. I take my hands off the bar and cover my mouth, the vomit rising through me violently. Purple and Blue sparks appear around me as I rushed past Jia Xu up the stairs out of the base in a blink of an eye. I'm pretty sure they only saw me as a streak of purple-ish blue.

I crashed into a tree, cracking its bark and let out my vomit. It fell from me in a stream, as I coughed and choked and cried. A sudden flow of thoughts came to me just as hard as the retching.

Of course, she would say that- you haven't changed!

 _Yes, I have!_

You swore you wouldn't take another life. But as you ran away from her, all the legacy you've left at the places you went was nothing but ruin.

 _That may be true but-_

You let a whole village of innocent people die. Lu Huang and Jiang Ping are dead, and you abandoned their daughter. You failed to save those men from Chibi, all those foot soldiers, and cavalry members dead because of your mistake. Wei has gotten weaker because of you!

 _No! I wasn't trying to- I was just-_

Even FengXiao is reaching his grave earlier because of you!

 _Stop it! Stop it! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!_

My body stopped, as I slid down to my knees away from the disgusting substance that came out of my disgusting body. My hands shook against the wood of the tree, barely feeling its texture. My breathing was so slow-too slow-

 _I almost wanted it to stop._

My mind had switched off, my lips curving into a smile. A chuckle came out of me, sounding hollow.

 _It seems that I have broken._

I slowly force myself to a stand, leaning on the tree as my legs seem to refuse to work for a moment. I let out a breath, and wipe my mouth.

Hearing crunching grass behind me I straighten my back.

"Xu Shu!"

I turn to see Jia Xu running to me, worriedly. I mustered a smile, but as he stops in front of me, his eyes dart around the scene. I know he sees the vomit but I just simply step out and walk past him.

"I'm fine. I'm going to go rest up. Check on FengXiao for me, ok?"

He went to say something but I was already walking away before he could start. I didn't want to hear what he had to say anyway. I didn't have the heart to just start answering his questions.

 _This is fine. This is fine._

 _I shouldn't have even tried in the first place-_

 **[A/N] I'm so sorry. This is chapter 40, and usually, for milestones, I make a happier chapter, but this is one of the most depressing chapters. This is...Wow. It hits me so hard, and I hope I don't make anyone else upset. But I've kinda been building to Xu Shu meeting his mom since the beginning. And As much as I wanted it to be a happy reunion, but-...Yeah. I'm sorry. I hope you enjoyed. See you next chapter...**


	42. Your Worth to Me

**[Guo Jia]**

I was up and walking around way before I should've been. It hurt, but I knew that if I stayed bedridden that won't do Wei any good. I spoke to each of the soldiers within the base, assisted the nurses in care of other soldiers, and now I stand in the quarters freshening myself upon some strategies.

Jia Xu had checked on me numerous times throughout the day. But I continuously ensured him that I was okay. That I was healing up fine and walking around didn't strain my body at all.

 _Lying is very becoming of me, I suppose._

Though what had worried me, more than my current condition, was the lack of seeing the man I love.

Yuanzhi had neglected to see me at all. Ever since that time in the nursery, he hasn't approached me. We would make eye contact occasionally, and he would smile at me but something felt...off about it.

 _He looked so hollow._

I'm scared, he usually comes to me daily. Talks to me, indulges me in affection then leaves to attend to things. But this...this isn't _right._

It was obvious that he wasn't going to talk to me, and I know well enough that he can avoid questioning like the plague. The only option is to ask around. Jia Xu is the only one that comes to mind, to someone who would know what happened. They are good friends after all.

I had approached his quarters calmly, gently knocking upon the wooden door. The door creaked open revealing my long time ally and friend and he smiles at me.

"FengXiao, what can I do you the pleasure of this visit?" He spoke casually, but I can tell that he was carefully staring me down in case if something was amiss with my health. I feigned a healthy smile.

"Well WenHe, I wanted to ask you something. May I come in?"

He steps aside and allows me into the smaller room. He pulled out 2 chairs and we both sat down. He crosses his legs and leans back on the seat.

"What do you need to kn-"

"It's about Xu Shu."

He flinched. He instantly knew what I was going to ask. He uncrossed his legs and leaned into himself a little, looking down to the wooden floor. I refrained from calling Yuanzhi by Xu Shu usually, but I needed Jia Xu to understand that this was important.

"What happened to him?" I start, my eyes looking down to my hands, as they combed into each other and clenched.

"He hasn't come to see me. Nor spoken to me in a few days. He doesn't seem hurt but I fear that something has happened to him. And I know you should know. So please-"

 _Begging surely sounds foreign to my lips._

WenHe seemed to agree, clearly taken aback by the vulnerability in my voice. He sighed, and rubbed the back of his head.

"It's….complicated."

" _Jia Xu."_

I made a point to have a stern voice. I couldn't have him beating around the subject. I needed clear cut answers.

Another sigh.

"I don't understand it fully myself. He...he asked me to go to the dungeon.. To see that village elder."

I blinked, once-twice. The elder? It returns to my mind at how he stared at her when she was returned into the dungeon after the attack.

 _So there's something between them?_

"She spoke to him...and called him some name, other than his own. And he had ran off." he spoke hesitantly as if the events felt so off that had to try to piece it together again.

"Some name?"

He nodded. "Shan Fu, I believe."

 _Shan Fu? I've never heard of such name._

In that instance I poured over every conversation with the elder, and no- the name never appeared. Then, what the hell?

"When I had found him..he made it to a tree, there was...vomit...and he looked empty, just as you see now."

 _Vomit?!_

My hands _clenched,_ nearly bruising themselves _._

 _What the hell did that woman do to him?!_

I stood, the wooden chair scooting back violently. I could barely think before my body turned just as violently to march out. But a hand grabbed my wrist. I turn back to Jia Xu who stopped me in my tracks.

"Guo Jia, you can't! This isn't a situation that involves you. We must stay out of this."

"But-!" the words caught in my throat. Realistically, he was right. What was I going to do? Barge into the dungeon and bludgeon an old woman who is chained to death? Absurd.

Then, all I can do is-

"I'm going to Yuanzhi. I'll talk to him."

The hand on my wrist hesitantly let go and I marched out without a word.

 **[Xu Shu]**

My steps were quiet, and sliding. I didn't bother to lift my bare feet from the floor, even though they ached from all of the lightning running and battles. Slowly, I came to the bed of the room and flopped onto it.

My body felt barely my own, it felt light, and I haven't took care of myself for the passing days. My stomach roared for food, but when in the face of it, a couple of bites was all I could take before I felt the urge to angrily vomit it back up. My hair has grown even messier and my facial hair begun to go disarray. I bathed but I ended up staying in the water for too long, becoming pruny and wrinkled. All in all, I haven't been doing well. And my wrist feels irritated.

 _I couldn't let anyone see me like this. But...living is becoming too difficult now._

I had promised Mei that I would get her out of that cell, so I had no choice but to live for a few more weeks maybe months. I shouldn't put it that way. I acknowledge that I have plenty of reasons to live.

 _And those reasons keep waking me up every morning._

Mei needs me. I haven't completely reconciled with Liu Shan. I've made friends in Wei and-

 _And FengXiao._

I love him, but I definitely can't approach him like this. I'm practically destroying myself from the inside. He would be furious- disappointed even.

 _But I tend to bring those out of people._

I rub my wrists again, possibly for the hundredth time today, covering the red marks with my sleeves. A sigh escapes me, a pathetic attempt at breath for a pathetic attempt of a human.

Knock, Knock, Knock.

Who is that? I barely lift myself from the bed before the door begins to open and I see familiar blonde hair. My eyes widened as he steps him and hazel eyes, clouded with emotion stares at me. The door closes and I take a deep, shaky breath.

He was here, in this room, almost close enough to touch, but my hand remained on the bed, as he looks down at me with those eyes.

"Xu Shu." _Oh no._

I couldn't help but gulp. Hearing my name instead of my courtesy one, it was..concerning to say the least.

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

The quick was simple, But I had no answer, I licked my dry lips and looked away from his intense saddened gaze. I couldn't tell him what happened, I couldn't face him.

I hear footsteps and the bed shifts under his newly added weight. I rolled onto my side and curled up, afraid of what else he will say.

"Xu Shu, I already asked Jia Xu."

Of course he did, FengXiao was the type to collect all of the data he could before tackling a problem.

"But even he didn't understand the weight and the full truth of the situation. Look-" His hand came to my arm, a patient, warm hand.

"I won't force you to enlighten me. But please, know that I am here for you." His words struck a chord with me, my eyes filling with tears, unable to stop them from falling.

"I love you."

This is the first time. The first time he has outwardly said those words to me. I haven't said them directly to him either. It was just an unspoken fact between us when we revealed our feelings. We never felt the need to say it. But maybe we didn't say it because we couldn't handle the weight of those words and how much _warmth_ they fill us with.

 _I know I couldn't._

My body nearly moved on it's own, my torso sitting up and forcing my lips to him. Absorbing his breath and warmth with every ounce of emotion I held. The past days of emptiness and self-loathing stayed their, but the love i felt was real too. IT conjoined and twisted into a wicked cloud of emotions that I can't quite understand.

He has gasped, obviously surprised form my sudden outburst of affection, but he still accepted it. He kissed me, our lips joining and disconnecting and rejoining deeper and deeper.

I love him. I love him so much. I love you FengXiao.

 _I don't deserve you. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve your time. You warmth, Your compassion, Your all. I don't deserve it._

 **[Guo Jia]**

I certainly didn't expect him to do this.

He kissed me with a ferocity that couldn't be placed. But I could tell it was from his heart. He does tend to be reckless and emotion driven and I told him I loved him, something we haven't spoken to one another before. I felt my pulse rise as he deepened the kiss more.

I found myself being lead to laying down, as a warm tongue traced my lip. I gladly opened for him as surprise and arousal enveloped me.

 _He's never taken the initiative like this._

I can't lie- I have always wanted to dive deeper into our sexual relationship, but I couldn't do it without his consent and want for it too. I never pushed him too far, but if he's doing it to me, I guess he's okay with it.

He was inexperienced, but that was more than fine. I found my hands running over his chest and shoulders, feels the lean muscle through the loose shirt, before reaching up and cupping his cheek, My thumbs rubs the falling tears wordlessly.

I felt my shirt begin to rise and we pulled away, his hand gently going up my body. I looked into his brown eyes with worry.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" My voice was barely above a whisper.

His lips trembled, the tears filling again. I rub his cheek once more and cup the other with my other hand, making sure his looked directly into my eyes.

"You know, you don't have to do this to make me happy right?"

 _I must've hit him hard._

He sniffed and buried his face into my shoulder. I rubbed his back soothingly as I cooed him throughout his tearful apologies. I reassured him, that I didn't need this to be with him. All the while the questions piled in my head, but I bury them deeper as I peck his cheek and rolled him onto his side.

"I..I love you!"

He said it louder than he meant to, but I knew he was honest. Amidst the sobbing and sniffling, There was guilt that he couldn't give me something that he knew I wanted yet. He feels like He can't give me anything, but I have given him so much.

 _It's a shame he doesn't realize-_

"I know."

 _How much he has given me._

 **[A/N] Here's some depressed Xu Shu with some comforting Guo Jia. Poor Xu Shu, feeling like a failure and being unable to give the people you love what they deserve is a feeling I relate to. I wanted to make up for all the angst in the earlier chapters with some good old making out and comfort. I do love Xu Shu guys I swear.! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter of ...somber healing. See you in the next chapter!**


	43. Truth

**[Xu Shu]**

I knew I owed FengXiao an answer, it was my duty to him to be honest. But I didn't know how to talk to him about this. I avoided the subject, always had. Talking about Shan Fu wasn't needed anyway, that's not me anymore. I'm Xu Shu, strategist of Wei, lover of Guo Jia.

But after everything, the crying, the kissing, I owed him some explanation. On why that woman- my mother- hurt me so deeply. I'm not okay, I know I'm not, but I can act like it. Just for him.

"Yuanzhi?"

I nuzzled my face further into his neck, daring to take a peck on his Adam's apple. The kiss was fleeting, but the emotion behind it stayed. FengXiao chuckles and his deft fingers made quick way into my hair, rubbing circles into my scalp. It was heartwarming.

 _It almost made me forget about the pain._

A breath left me in a thick mist. The weight have keeping the truth from FengXiao hurt. I had to-

 _I had to be honest._

"FengXiao?"

He made a sound of affirmation as I adjusted my position. My head now on the pillow beside his own as my arm lazily found its way onto his waist. He looked at me from the corner of his eye, and gently turned in my direction. Hazel eyes being the center of my view.

I took a shaky breath, doing all in my power to gain the courage. As my fingers rubbed his hips.

"Yuanzhi, you can tell me anything."

His hand found its way to my cheek, as I felt his thumb run over it. It was soft, sweet, and encouraging.

"I want to be honest with you, FengXiao."

He nodded to me, rubbing my cheek sweetly. As my hand sat firmly on his waist, fingers digging into the cloth of his shirt.

 _I just have to say it._

"My real name…is Shan Fu."

 **[Guo Jia]**

 _That was easy to assume._

Though, I listened intently, this was important. Really important to Yuanzhi, and it's hard for him.

"That woman...the village elder. Is my mother." His chocolate eyes, usually a charming warm mahogany, now look away from me looking more like burnt ash. My thumbs brushes his cheek bone, hoping to look in his eyes again.

He didn't turn my way, but he continued.

"When I was young, my mother was my only parent. My father is dead. So she worked, tirelessly to raise me."

 _That does line up with her story._

He took a breath as his hand rubbed my waist, as if trying to console himself. My hand rubbed circles intk his scalp, my other rubbing his cheek softly.

"I wanted to help her. To repay her for all she did. So...I studied and trained, told her that I would become a legend. But….then I took on an assassination job."

My hands flinched, but I swiftly continued to touch him.

"I did it. And I was arrested as expected...but...My mother couldn't look at me in the eye. I had committed a crime...and she couldn't see me as her son anymore."

That explains why he is so averse to killing even though this is a war. His mother basically psychologically hurt him into the irrational fear of killing. It also explains why he stayed alone. Well, until that village incident and now.

It seems like he was done, though his mouth hung open. He wasn't too sure about what to say. So I decided for him, as I kissed him.

It was sweet and small, as I pulled away and gave as much of an earnest smile as I could. I loved him after all and in my eyes-

"You aren't a bad person, Shan Fu."

 **[Xu Shu]**

 _My name…_

It's been decades since anyone called me my true name. And when my mother used it, she had told me something bad. But FengXiao...he…

I attached myself closer to him, hiding my face in his neck. I didn't cry, but I was close to.

"FengXiao…"

"Sure, You've made your mistakes. But we all do. This doesn't make me think any less of you."

Our legs intertwined as I pulled him closer, holding his smaller body in my arms. I've never felt like this before. This relief and happiness. I felt like a weight flew off of my shoulders in waves.

"Thank you, FengXiao."

He hummed in response, looked into his eyes, seeing the fondness flow in them.

"Can I tell you something too, Shan Fu?"

I nodded with nary a hesitation. He has done so much for me, it would be a crime to not reciprocate.

"Of course."

His hand in my hair pushes my face into his shoulder, as he continued to cuddle me. His other hand gently rubbing up and down my back, soothingly. His voice was barely above a whisper though the weight of them carried explosive consequences.

"I don't have much time left."

… _.what?_

"The illness is getting worse."

 _Why won't you let me look at you? Why is your hands shaking a bit now?_

"It'll be soon."

 _It can't be! No!_

 **[A/N] So….Hi! Sorry about vanishing again! Life is fun. But i still love this story and these two soooo. Yeah! Finally they had the talk and are both being honest! BUT NO GUO NIA BABY I'M SORRY! See you next chapter!**


End file.
